Parents - Do you think people without children have missed out?

[Pshop55]

So this is for parents only! I want to know if you feel that people without children are missing out on a big experience/feelings/joy & ‘don’t know what they are missing’ and be honest! No one is judging just want honest answers as we have been talking about this tonight, obviously everyone’s answers are just their own opinion before anyone gets offended!!

I do. I was someone who didn't want children for such a long time (couldnt stand other peoples) and thought I was taking a big risk by having one. but its honestly been the greatest thing that's ever happened and I love every second of it, much to my amazement. Knowing what I know now, I'd never want to have missed this experience.

It's also made me look at other people with totally different and more empathetic eyes, and I generally feel like a more rounded person for having gone through it (even if I would have previously said I was very well rounded etc beforehand..not this much!)
There is no lie in/ free time/hobby/ restaurant/holiday/dog/partner etc that can compare to how I feel for my child.

It made me better. I changed everything. I’m not sure I’d have ever achieved it had I not had my kids.

Im not talking about everyone as we know there are horrific people about with children. But in my case and many others it’s true!

No.

I do think it depends on the individuals. Not everyone is built to be a parent, and it's good that's recognised. Some people have a "need" to be a parent and are amazing at it and love it. Obviously there are loads all the way through the spectrum in between as well.

It's also a case of the the person will never know if their choice was right as once it's made you can never live the other life. My DM said to me in my 20s "she was sad for me not wanting kids as I would never know what I missed out on"

But I was a definite for not having kids until I wavered at 30 years old, feeling something was missing and thinking it may actually be nice, and I am so glad I did, it is the best thing ever (from a very non paternal person) the joy and love you give and receive is above everything and watching them grow and develop into these wonderful kids you are moulding, it's fabulous.
It's exhausting, stressful and the most responsible role ever. But pays you back ten fold. Turns out my DM was right, it makes me sad to think I may have chosen differently.

But my family member is child free by choice. They does not feel like they is missing out at all. They love their life. They do not want the responsibility of children, they just wouldn't fit into their lifestyle. They work inconsistent hours, has a hobby that takes up a few nights a week and a weekend day, loves being able to drop everything and holiday wherever, whenever, and couldn't think of anything worse than kids. And as the main responsibility would fall to them, due to their partner probably not coping well in that role, it is probably right not to have them, they have loads of love (and money ) to give, but no time, they would resent giving that up.

They look at my "routine" "structured" life as a drag and boring, I look at theirs thinking I would feel unfulfilled. This is beauty of people being individuals, different choices, different things that make them tick.

Yes. But with a caveat.

Anyone who doesn't do an experience that in large is pleasant is missing out.

So arguably I'm missing out on not living a child free by choice life with the opportunities and freedoms that brings.

The love of a child is special, it's what enables us to endure the hard times. But love is connection and there's more ways to be connected deeply that to have a child.

There's is something that cannot be replicated about being a family with kids but that doesn't mean it's the only worthwhile way to live.

Life is all about only having capacity for a limited number of experiences
Life is full without experiencing everything.

No. Seen enough people who have no, awful or non-existent relationship with their parents/children to know it doesn't necessarily bring something wonderful.

I'm a parent. I love my DC and have a fantastic relationship with them. I wouldn't exchange that for the world. But I also know about the opportunities I turned down because I was a parent and they came first and know I could have had an amazing life without DC. Just different.

You can't miss what you never had.

I think it's very important to remember that you only get that joy,happiness,exhilaration etc. if you fully snd unconditionally love your child. Not everyone is capable of that. Also, with that love comes the worry,anxiety ,fear of something happening to them. It's like having your heart walking around in the open.

If you want something and someone else has it, then you will feel like you are missing out. Especially if that other person seems to have across the wanted thing easily. But that could be children, a house or even something simple like a dishwasher.

Someone who wants a child and hasn’t had one will feel like they are missing out. Someone who wants several children but has only had one will feel like they’re missing out. Someone who wants a marriage and feels perpetually single will feel like they will be missing out.

However, for each of these there will be the person who had kids and is missing out on their pre-kid life. Or the person who is unhappily married and feels they are missing out by not being single. There will also be a huge number of people who chose to be childfree and not missing anything. People who chose to have one child and aren’t missing anything. People who chose to stay single and aren’t missing anything.

I didn't feel love at its best until becoming a mum.

I didn't want kids- ever. DH and I had a great life, lots of disposable income, carefree, traveled a lot.
Then all of a sudden for some reason I was desperate to have a baby- thankfully dh was too.

It was the best decision ever and the births the happiest days of my life.

We have had a complete u turn with our lives as they were but wouldn't change a thing.

I respect peoples choices about being parents and it's awful some people don't get a choice, they just can't have kids.

But I genuinely feel people without kids are missing out.

This is what I was getting at with my post, you have put it far more eloquently.

Parenting is a particular life experience, that is all. Experiencing it doesn’t make anyone’s life more or less valid.

Definitely not. Most people love their children, but I genuinely think it's quite overrated (and I think women are starting to realise this now!). I'd rather be an aunt, you get the love but none of the hard work or emotional stress!

Agree with others, of course you'll miss out on many life experiences/ feelings but have so many others parents may not. Think of all the people in the world, I've missed out on a rural Estonian upbringing, a rich Bern upbringing etc etc. There are many lives to be lived. I loved seeing the wonder and amazement in the world anew that children give you. They are so excited to see a caterpillar, you may as well have climbed a mountain, but I'm very aware of all I've missed out on and the travels I could have had if not funding their upbringing and lives .

@Jungleballs you sound utterly insufferable and a little judgy and smug

Yes, but as many others have stated, parents are missing out on all the nice aspects of a child free life style.

Swings and roundabouts!

Yes this.

I don't have kids through choice. I'm 40. I've been happily with DH for 20 years. I'm an intelligent professional. We own a home and have savings in the bank.

The stuff we're missing out on - we don't want it. If we did - without wanting to sound flippant to those struggling with infertility - we'd just....have a baby. It's really the easiest thing to make happen if you don't actively try not to!

No. There are definitely people out there who do not "miss out" on a choice to not become a parent.

Considering the amount of parents that deselect from parenting after the event. Absent parents. Parents who fail their kids time again.

I find it admirable that people would rather not take the risk on something if they aren't certain on the gamble of feeling unconditional love, maybe. Because there's also a gamble that won't happen.

In these situations, everyone misses out despite that person becoming a parent. Especially the kids.

It's very nuanced and way too simple to say people who've made a considered decision miss out, just because you love your kids endlessly.

I know many people that regret having children. It's just too taboo to discuss.

I never wanted kids. Changed my mind and wanted loads, then changed my mind and had less. My life is no richer than my child free friends. They often have beautiful relationships with other people in their lives, nieces, nephews, godchildren etc. There are always people everywhere you can love in a very meaningful way.

It’s an impossible question. For me personally, I know that having my children has made my life much richer and given me so much joy. I always wanted a family and if I hadn’t have been lucky enough to have mine I would have been forever unfulfilled and would have always felt unhappy about it. That’s just me, it depends on the individual. I have a close friend who has no children and I know for her, it’s not an issue. She is happy and fulfilled in other ways and doesn’t feel maternal whatsoever. She has a great life, job and partner and plenty of spare cash to spend on holidays and experiences.

Honestly yes, I think they do. There are times when it has been awful, but I'd be a different person without my DC, on balance I think a much sadder one.

No, not unless they really want them but can't.
I'm glad l had mine, but l have close family and friends who chose not to have children and their lives are enriched in other ways. I don't get the impression from them at all that they feel like they've missed out.
Mine are all grown up now and l think parenting has become way more complicated and stressful to when l was younger.
It's like anything, fine when all going well, an absolute nightmare when it isn't.

I don't think any good can come out of such a poll TBH.

No. Even though having a baby has enriched my life in the best way, everyone finds fulfilment in different things, so I would never think this. Just as I don't think anyone who doesn't want to holiday in my preferred destination is missing out, for example. Different strokes etc.

FYI I'm on this thread because I browse most threads in 'Trending'!

I could have written this, except having DC later in life wasn't planned. It was just how it turned out.

I too, don't understand women who don't feel fulfilled without children or who only feel defined by being a parent. Bringing up children is only part of your life, not everything. There is so much more out there to do.

When DD left to go to university I didn't sob all summer at the thought of her leaving. I just thought "my job here is done" and was happy for her to fly the nest.

My life became different after having DD - not better nor worse, just different.

My answer to the OP is no BTW.

Yes. I think it's what we as animals are designed to do and when we do all the meaninglessness of life vanishes.

It's a profound experience to create another human and raise them, to see all your ancestors in your child's face.

Lifestyle benefits of not having children is ultimately pretty empty in the grand scheme of things. I lived that life for many years.

I also think not everyone is meant to be a parent and it's good for everyone when they don't have to.

100% this.