Feel my DD is behind with toilet training :(

[pottytrainingahhhh]

DD is 2 years and 8 months (turns 3 in April). She is still in nappies to leave the house and overnight. During the day time when at home, we remove the nappy and have her running around bare from waist down, and leave her potty in an accessible place where she's playing. She's usually really good at running to the potty for a wee, saying "oh no wee wee!" before she starts to run to it, so she's clearly recognising the signs of needing to go, which is good. She will ask for a nappy if she needs to poo, she's pooed on the potty maybe once or twice in recent months but it's taken her by surprise and frightened her a bit, so she's slightly regressed and asks for a nappy if she needs a poo. I'm not too concerned about that part.

I suppose why I'm posting is, I have mum friends whose little ones are a few months older (so one as an example turns 3 in January), and they are in knickers when leaving the house (and have been since the summer), so then they were approx around DD's age now. We all met at the park back in the summer and I felt a little embarrassed that my DD was wearing her nappy (at that time only 2 years and 4 months admittedly), while the other toddlers were wearing knickers and telling their mums when they needed to wee and being taken to the toilet etc.

Basically what I'm saying is, I'm concerned my DD "behind" with this compared to her peers? Granted, the little girl who was most potty trained when we met in the summer is 3 months older than DD - but I don't think that's a huge difference? Shall I just bite the bullet and take DD out in knickers and be prepared for accidents? I haven't even tried knickers in the house yet - we just have her naked from the waist down and she goes on the potty.

Nursery are saying she has asked a couple times to sit on the "big girl toilet", seemingly copying the others who are already 3. They said a handful of times she's done a wee when on the toilet and her nappy has been dry, and at other times she she hasn't done a wee but has just wanted to sit on the toilet like the other girls and boys.

We are invited to a birthday party for the little girl who is toilet trained and turns 3 in January, and I feel a bit embarrassed to take DD whilst still wearing nappies (this is probably my own issue and not fair to DD).

How do I progress this? What's the next step? Any advice appreciated. Thank you!

I think you need to commit to nappy free, it’s too confusing to be in and out of nappies.

Get pull-ups rather than nappies if you’re nervous. But she’s not behind.

We did no pants from day 1 when our DD was 2 years 7 months and she got it really quickly. I reckon get a travel potty (recommend My Carry Potty) and go for it!

She's only 2.5, why are you embarrassed? My DD is 3 at the end of April and has never been on the potty (we have one but she has no interest). I had no idea that was an issue this young!

We do use pull ups, not regular nappies. She's been in those for about 6 months consistently now.

If you're potty training you need to fully commit to potty training in my opinion. So that means no nappies except for bedtime/naps at all during the day. She sounds more than ready but equally confused as sometimes she can wee in her nappy and other times she's expected to use the potty.

She won't do a poo in nappies though unfortunately, she gets upset and asks for a nappy repeatedly if she needs to poo, so we give her one as I don't think it's fair to her being so upset about it.

By 3 most girls are dry but it’s not worth worrying about at all, once they are ready it can be done in 2-3 days.
I would shift to pull ups and just remain consistent

Get her to sit on the potty wearing her nappy for a poop, then loosen it etc till she is comfy going on the potty.

I wouldn't be feeling this way if her similar aged peers didn't seem to be so far ahead of her 🙁

Doesn't sound behind to me for these times. Our DGS is a year older than your DD and still showing no signs of readiness whatsoever.

I had boys, and they both trained just before they turned four. It was quick, painless, and we didn't have accidents. I'm sure I could have pushed it earlier but certainly first time round I'd have been struggling with taking a toddler to the toilet while having a newborn attached to me the whole time.

I can count on one hand the number of accidents they've had since we did it, they were dry overnight a few weeks after cracking daytimes, and it was relatively low stress.

Worry less about what other people's kids are doing and make the decisions that are right for you and your family - if your kid's ready then give it a go. If not, wait til they (and you!) are ready.

It’s very normal not to be potty trained till 3.5 - very average. It’s not a race and she will train in her own timeline. Kids develop differently - comparison is pointless I have three kids and they all trained between 2 years 4 months and 3 years 6 months. The in and out of nappies is a bit confusing I think. She doesn’t sound completely ready though. Give it a couple of months and then try again giving it a proper shot.

Wow I didn't realise 3.5 was average. Thank you, that helps me feel less pressure!

Seriously, she's fine. Mine didn't go into pants until well after their 3rd birthdays. I did them over Xmas when I was at home and off work.
Keep what youre doing at home and just use pull ups instead of nappies. Wait until the spring and you have a few quiet days so she can stay in with pants and hopefully crack it then. Do you have a toilet trainer seat too?
Mine never had an accident as by the time they went into pants they'd done all the work. Far less hassle.

It sounds as if you are maybe confusing her with the baldness then pull ups situation and have made toilet training a much ok get prosceas than it needed to be.

take a couple of days and fully commit to toilet training. Pants on in house — no naked - and take a couple of days to crack full toilet training, she sounds mostly there so it shouldn’t take more than a couple of days. Scared to poo is fairly common but again take 2 days in house and in pants and she’ll be fine.

Ignore others. Concentrate on your daughter.

I know a lot of people trained at 2-2.5. Took them a while. They tried night training too which is absolutely ridiculous. Kids had lots of accidents and some still do. Lots of paniced parents reminding them to wee every 10 minutes at parties etc.

Due to circumstances we didn't train DD till she was 3 years 1 month. It was surprisingly ridiculously easy. She completely understood no more nappies. She got it in 2 days easy and has had about 4 accidents since (6 months). She was more than ready and it made it easier all round. I honestly think it depends on the child alot. Some are ready at 2ish but some aren't and that's fine.

I agree with others of just doing it in a weekend. No confusion. We used pull ups for nights for a while but she's been completely dry at nights.

A lot of parenting is competitive and comparative. But do what works for you and your child and ignore the others.

Look everyone on here has an opinion and sounds to me you already have loads of different ones so not sure adding my different one will help but for what it’s worth.

My kids are 6 and 7. One was out of nappies at 19 months the other at 3 1/2.

Who cares? What 30 year olds chat to their mates in the pub and compare notes about who was potty trained first? She’ll get there. If she’s not by the time she’s getting ready to start school it’s panic stations, not now.

No one is a perfect parent and there are definitely some things in the early years i’d have done differently but one I am really pleased about is i basically didn’t potty train either child, they just came to it themselves. They could see us using the loo, we chatted about it and one day each of them just said i’m done with nappies and that was that. No accidents as they had made the choice themselves. It doesn’t need to be hard, truly x

Christ my DS is nearly 4 and still in pull ups. Nursery say it's no big deal.

I really wouldn't worry about it. She will get there when she's ready.

She's not behind. Don't stress.

Yes we have a toilet training seat and step - she has once asked to go on the "big girl toilet" when getting ready for her bath upstairs - she did a small wee and we obviously piled on the praise etc. They have mini toddler toilets at nursery rather than a potty, so the toilet is familiar to her from nursery too. Maybe I need to try her on the toilet more as well?

… or listen to the advice and stop stressing about what to do.

she can see the loo. She knows what to do. She’ll be fine ❤️

@Nothingyig

Thanks. Just feel like there's something more I need to be doing to help her? But it sounds like it's so different for each child it's hard to know what to do and when? 🙈

3.5 is not average! Pp might mean it's nothing to worry about but it certainly isn't the average age.

I'm a childminder and have potty trained dozens of little ones. I'd say out of 30, 20 have been between 2.5 and 3yo, 5 have been under 2.5 and 5 have been over 3 years old as a rough idea.

She's not behind but you've not really toilet trained her - you need to go the whole hog and be in pants inside and outside the house for everything.