Feel my DD is behind with toilet training :(

[pottytrainingahhhh]

DD is 2 years and 8 months (turns 3 in April). She is still in nappies to leave the house and overnight. During the day time when at home, we remove the nappy and have her running around bare from waist down, and leave her potty in an accessible place where she's playing. She's usually really good at running to the potty for a wee, saying "oh no wee wee!" before she starts to run to it, so she's clearly recognising the signs of needing to go, which is good. She will ask for a nappy if she needs to poo, she's pooed on the potty maybe once or twice in recent months but it's taken her by surprise and frightened her a bit, so she's slightly regressed and asks for a nappy if she needs a poo. I'm not too concerned about that part.

I suppose why I'm posting is, I have mum friends whose little ones are a few months older (so one as an example turns 3 in January), and they are in knickers when leaving the house (and have been since the summer), so then they were approx around DD's age now. We all met at the park back in the summer and I felt a little embarrassed that my DD was wearing her nappy (at that time only 2 years and 4 months admittedly), while the other toddlers were wearing knickers and telling their mums when they needed to wee and being taken to the toilet etc.

Basically what I'm saying is, I'm concerned my DD "behind" with this compared to her peers? Granted, the little girl who was most potty trained when we met in the summer is 3 months older than DD - but I don't think that's a huge difference? Shall I just bite the bullet and take DD out in knickers and be prepared for accidents? I haven't even tried knickers in the house yet - we just have her naked from the waist down and she goes on the potty.

Nursery are saying she has asked a couple times to sit on the "big girl toilet", seemingly copying the others who are already 3. They said a handful of times she's done a wee when on the toilet and her nappy has been dry, and at other times she she hasn't done a wee but has just wanted to sit on the toilet like the other girls and boys.

We are invited to a birthday party for the little girl who is toilet trained and turns 3 in January, and I feel a bit embarrassed to take DD whilst still wearing nappies (this is probably my own issue and not fair to DD).

How do I progress this? What's the next step? Any advice appreciated. Thank you!

So of she's in pants outside the house we would just take lots of spare clothes and cleaning products for the car seat etc? Because there are going to be a lot of accidents.

Yeah but are the younger trained ones more successful in life? Happier? Do you know what age you were potty trained yourself? Do you care?

As long as she gets there in the end which 100% of people without underlying medical or psychological issues do… who cares?

I say this with affection as i guess it’s literally your job to care but mums have so much else to stress about, this is one thing that shouldn’t be a source of anxiety

Take a travel potty and make sure you have some changes of clothes. She knows when she needs to go and is able to tell you, I would try pants and she might surprise you as she sounds more than ready.

You need to do a few days of really cracking it at home in pants before venturing out. Once she's confident doing it at home then stick to short trips out for a few days and after that you shouldn't really need to take anything but a travel potty as she shouldn't be having lots of accidents.

She doesn’t ‘need’ to do anything. Sorry just saying there is more than one way of doing this. I didn’t potty train at all, both kids just took off nappies themselves when they were ready, one late, one early.

I didn't give any assumptions of the sort, simply correcting the 3.5 years old is the average, incorrect fact.

Just sounds like you need to go for it properly. None of this wearing nappies sometimes and not others. Yes take spare clothes, also get her to sit on the loo at regular intervals eg before you leave the house, then every 20-30 minutes while you’re out initially.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing but it won’t just happen by magic either, you need to commit to it and be prepared for it to be your focus for a few days.

Potty trained all 3 of my girls around 2years 10-11 months and it was done more or less in a week so they were really ready.

They were still in pull ups for a while over night but no nappies during the day.

I said to them all they were wearing big girls knickers from now on. I remember one saying they wanted their nappy on and not the big girls knickers. I remembered supernanny saying if they are old enough to argue about potty training they are old enough to be potty trained.

Carry on as you are and don't worry too much

Bear in mind the people you are with may have just had an easy ride in terms of the child being keen to use toilet for poos and say it every time

Main thing is they have a happy toileting journey, find it positive, and progress as you go along

Mine was over 3 when we went fully to pants and still occasional accidents until 3.5

Try with the poos to always tip the poo in the potty with her watching and just say 'poo goes in the potty' then clean it out, it sounds funny but just to build the association in her mind

DD wasn't reliably dry until she was 6.5. She had lots of accidents at school. We had a few appts with the continence team who said there was nothing wrong and it was just taking a while. There were 2 others in her class the same.
Wish I hadn't have stressed about it so much, felt so guilty or punished her so much but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Yes lots of spare clothes.

I also bought puppy pad type things for the car seat and put underneath him so it kept most of the wee off the seat so he didn't have to get in a soaking wet seat.

Also, he's been trained about 6 months, I still keep a potty in the boot in case we are on the road and he needs to go. Been very helpful on occasion.

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Sorry I have to agree with the PP that 3.5 is not really average. Most children without additional needs can work it out around 2.5 if you're willing to put some time in to actually teaching them.

There will always be the mums that said they didn't need to do anything that their kids just took their own nappies off at nearly 4 or whatever but it's just lazy parenting in my opinion. No child at nearly 4 should be left to toilet train themselves.

All of mine have been dry in the day at 2.5 including boys and including premature ones who've been behind in other areas. I've always spent the first few days at home with rewards like chocolate buttons or stickers and then when venturing out take a potty everywhere! My eldest only ever had one accident so you might be surprised.

Stop using pull ups as they feel just like a nappy and it will be confusing for her. You need to commit to it fully. Yes, there will be a few accidents, but soon she’ll be fine. I wouldn’t use pant for a while either, just loose trousers.

Stop comparing her to others. Give her a break and try again in a few weeks. You can't make her ready any sooner than she is.

Thanks for all the replies.

I've just ordered a travel potty! We already have a few pairs of knickers which I bought a few months back with the intention of trying her and never did. I will commit to that properly when in the house initially, then progress to knickers out of the house with spare clothes and travel potty and see how we get on!

Thanks to whoever suggested puppy pads for the car seat too - great idea. Adding those to my online shop as we speak 🙂

I wouldn’t say 3.5 is average either! Both mine were trained between 2 - 2.5. To be honest, it sounds like your daughter is doing really well and personally I would keep going. I put puppy pads on DC’s car seat and lots of spare clothes when going out. Normal for poo in the toilet to take a bit longer - one of mine struggled with it. Watching a video called “Poo goes to Poo Land” really helped. wish you all the best!

I think you just need to go for it and do no nappies at all (except sleeping). Being half in/half out is confusing. If she isn’t telling you she needs to go when you’re out of the house then she’s not ready. Accidents are normal of course, and time it so that it’s not when you’re going on holiday or anything. I used to put a towel in the car seat and of course lots of spare clothes. But I think this phase is pretty short for most children who are actually ready.

Or just go back to nappies completely for a month or 2.

But also yes, she is not “behind”. Every child does it at their own rate. My DS was very nearly 3 and completely dry in a weekend. My DD was younger, just over 2, and it took a lot longer and a lot more accidents until she was reliable. There was definitely a wide range in our friendship group

I also agree with PP to commit fully and not use pull ups,I feel they are quite confusing during toilet training.

I don't think she is behind at 2 years 8 months but I do think she sounds very capable - you aren't setting her up for success by producing a nappy/pull up to leave the house or poo. You're just reinforcing both her and your anxiety about accidents. One or two sets of wet pants on a short trip out serve as the best learning for little ones - and as a mum you'll see it isn't the end of the world either. And soooo many kids are nervous and shocked when they are learning to poo in the potty or toilet...it is so, so common! Both mine needed a lot of support to get that part. But with encouragement and gentle expectation and confidence building, they get there. Just go for it, take away the comfort blanket (nappies) that you're both relying on at the moment and she will probably surprise you. (And don't compare to her peers, they all get there at different times!)

Every case will be different. We were advised to try it in the summer when our DS could be outside more making accidents easier to deal with.

It took about 3/4 days for him to get the hang of it and then probably about another months or so for all accidents to stop. He was just turned 2. He will be 3 in April and we haven’t had a single accident for at least 6 months.

One thing we found was that he much preferred using a normal toilet with a toddler seat attached rather than a potty. I reckon he used the potty no more than half a dozen times ever.

I suspect we might have been fortunate that it was this straightforward.

I really don’t know why you are comparing DD or feeling ‘embarrassed’ if she’s in nappies at her friend’s party. Really, you need to stop that (said as kindly as possible). All children are different. DS3 is 3 end of March and I’ve not potty trained yet, he goes to nursery school in September so I want him to be reliably dry by then. I will start in the next month or so.
It’s really no big deal what age they go into pants, there’s no medal or ‘best mum’ award for potty training early. Take the pressure off yourself!

But I agree, if you’re going to go for it then go for it.

3.5 is definitely NOT average.

Your DD certainly isn’t behind though. It’s really good that she can acknowledge when she needs to wee and needs the potty. There’s certainly a bit of confusion so maybe have her nappy free for the majority of the time

Mine was trained at about 3.7. We tried at 2.5 but he had no interest, despite showing some signs. Tried again at about 3.4 and whilst it did take a few months to crack, we got there eventually. There’s always going to be plenty of DC who are above and below average!

She’s not behind as in she’s not old to be still using nappies so there’s nothing to be embarrassed about..

However she’s clearly more than ready to be trained and I’d agree with PPs that being in and out of nappies is holding her back.

Put her in knickers at home, so she gets used to the idea of taking them down to pee. Once she does that add trousers or dress.

Take a travel potty when you are out, and take her out of pull-ups. There will be a few accidents but she’ll soon get it. Do it this week before she goes to nursery?

Re the nappies to poo, what I would tell her is you aren’t buying anymore daytime nappies so she knows it’s coming to an end. Leave a small diminishing stack where she can see it. Demonstrate using the potty for her (it helps!) and crack out the smarties as a any day - sometimes you do have to push through a bit of distress - it will be gone very quickly.