Feel my DD is behind with toilet training :(

[pottytrainingahhhh]

DD is 2 years and 8 months (turns 3 in April). She is still in nappies to leave the house and overnight. During the day time when at home, we remove the nappy and have her running around bare from waist down, and leave her potty in an accessible place where she's playing. She's usually really good at running to the potty for a wee, saying "oh no wee wee!" before she starts to run to it, so she's clearly recognising the signs of needing to go, which is good. She will ask for a nappy if she needs to poo, she's pooed on the potty maybe once or twice in recent months but it's taken her by surprise and frightened her a bit, so she's slightly regressed and asks for a nappy if she needs a poo. I'm not too concerned about that part.

I suppose why I'm posting is, I have mum friends whose little ones are a few months older (so one as an example turns 3 in January), and they are in knickers when leaving the house (and have been since the summer), so then they were approx around DD's age now. We all met at the park back in the summer and I felt a little embarrassed that my DD was wearing her nappy (at that time only 2 years and 4 months admittedly), while the other toddlers were wearing knickers and telling their mums when they needed to wee and being taken to the toilet etc.

Basically what I'm saying is, I'm concerned my DD "behind" with this compared to her peers? Granted, the little girl who was most potty trained when we met in the summer is 3 months older than DD - but I don't think that's a huge difference? Shall I just bite the bullet and take DD out in knickers and be prepared for accidents? I haven't even tried knickers in the house yet - we just have her naked from the waist down and she goes on the potty.

Nursery are saying she has asked a couple times to sit on the "big girl toilet", seemingly copying the others who are already 3. They said a handful of times she's done a wee when on the toilet and her nappy has been dry, and at other times she she hasn't done a wee but has just wanted to sit on the toilet like the other girls and boys.

We are invited to a birthday party for the little girl who is toilet trained and turns 3 in January, and I feel a bit embarrassed to take DD whilst still wearing nappies (this is probably my own issue and not fair to DD).

How do I progress this? What's the next step? Any advice appreciated. Thank you!

It's honestly no big deal. DD still had diapers at 3 when she started nursery, and lots of 3 yr olds also have them. Anecdotally, many babies/toddlers who went through the pandemic are a bit behind on milestones but they all catch up in the end.

If you do want to take her out without diapers, you need to be aware that she may not tell you when she needs the loo. You need to keep a schedule in your head of when she last did a pee, how long the interval is and adjust for whether or not she had a lot to drink. Make her sit on the potty before leaving the house, before car drives longer than 30mins and also put her on the toilet every 2-3 hours when you're out and about. This greatly reduces accidents.

Some people believe that kids need to have accidents to "learn" when they need to go due to the discomfort. I disagree with that...DD only had 1-2 accidents and was potty trained without any issues. I just got her into the habit of going to the potty before leaving the house, before leaving nursery, before long drives and whenever there's a convenient toilet nearby like after a meal (basic common sense that adults would also follow).

@pottytrainingahhhh

It isn’t! It’s late. Nothing wrong with that if that’s your child, but just for clarity. Most kids - girls especially - would be try around 30 months. That’s later than previous generations - due to a combo of disposable nappies drawing the wetness away so it’s much more comfortable for toddlers than wet Terry towelling, and parents being much more relaxed about it.

She is ready though - she’s using the potty, it just needs a bit of consistency.

The PP didn’t say anything about future happiness, she’s just giving average training times from a position of considerable knowledge.

My DD was 2y 10m. She had friends who were dry before her, I wasn't bothered as it's actually quite young. She was advanced in other areas - reading early, v early talker. They're all different, please don't feel pressured. If you wait she'll likely pick it up really quickly.

@theduchessofspork

So she is behind then, compared to average. She's now 32 months and not yet dry. I can't help but feel I've let her down by not doing enough 😢

You're over reacting and catastrophising here. You've not let her down. Just take a long weekend to focus on it and she'll be trained in no time at all and you'll likely find yourself wondering why you didn't bite the bullet months ago.

@CocoPlum

Funny you mention being advanced in other areas - DD's speech and ability to put sentences together has been commented on a few times by HVs / nursery staff, who tell me she's ahead of her years in terms of expressive communication. I guess they can't excel in all areas!

The thing is, kids aren't really toilet trained if you need to take multiple pairs of pants out and they have accidents every day. Or you need to keep prompting them! Loads of parents did this and claimed their kids were out of nappies. I wouldn't worry. Much better if you wait till she actually goes to the toilet/ potty reliably and then you go outside with pants! Used to annoy me when kids would turn up with their parents for playdates/ softplay in pants and then have predictably have accidents constantly on my carpet/ playframe!

Exactly! My DD is now in high school. The only one of her friends who I know when they potted trained is one I've known since birth 😂

I wouldn't stress it. I waited till 3 years 3 months and my son got it within about 2 weeks. My top tip is to pack lots of spare clothes. A tip from my childminder friend - if you are going on a long trip or are worried about them falling asleep in the pram you can put a pull up OVER their clothes. This was mess is contained but they still feel wet in their clothes. Good luck x

Try not to worry, she's not behind! She does sound capable though so I think if you go for it, you'll be successful.

My DD was potty trained at 2y4months and I'll be honest, I didn't feel like I did much other than "talk positively" about it. So for example, I put a potty where she could see it and reminded her to use it when she needed it. Rather than prompting with 'do you need the toilet?' which I found received a negative response from DD I said things like "remember to let me know when you need the toilet", for the first couple of days I said this probably every 20 mins, then I said it more often when we were out to start with but after about a week I was confident she would tell me if she needed to go. We got character pants and I used to say "remember to keep Minnie dry" and things like that.

I had a mycarrypotty for occasions where we were in places with no toilets, plus it stopped some of the fear for her in unusual places (we used it in a toilet cubicle but she was a bit frightened to use toilets out and about to start with - she got over this quickly).

We also had issues with pooing on the potty to start with, I used to put her a nappy on but ask her to sit in the potty at the same time. Then I moved to putting a nappy in the bottom of the potty and then removed. We used the poo goes to pooland app too. Apparently it can be a weird sensation to go from the poo staying against their bottom in a nappy to "falling away" into the toilet.

It took her another 6months to be reliably dry at night, she wore night time pants (nappies but I didn't want to call them that) until she was dry.

They do it all in their own time, try not to worry. My friends little girl who is a similar age was several months behind my DD with potty training but her communication skills were far better earlier than my DD so they just work on different skills at different times!

So we are currently wearing "big girl knickers" in the house and no accidents so far. I prompted her to try on the potty and was about to help her with her knickers (thinking she won't be used to the extra step of having to take them down to wee as she's usually bare bum) - and she needed no help at all! Straight to the potty and took them down herself! She didn't wee, but it's a start that she understood to take the knickers down first. Maybe she's more ready than I realised!

That's great news and sounds like she was absolutely more than ready.

I think this is quite a common situation to be fair. A lot of children are ready a while before their parents are. Am sure you'll have a few accidents along the way but she sounds very much on the right track.

Yes to this! Worked for us at a similar age, not uncommon for poo to be trickier, but she's nailed the wees, now to take it out the house. Just tell her and stick to it x

The problem is you have confused the issue by not getting rid of nappies/pull ups completely.

You haven’t committed. You have told her nappies are optional, so of course she isn’t going to use the potty out and about.

Nappies/pull ups need to go. Accidents will happen - you have to power through. And don’t give in when she starts screaming for one to do a poo. A simple “poo goes on the potty” is all that’s needed.

@ReindeerShelter

I understand what you're saying, but equally she's clearly very distressed with the poo thing, she absolutely won't do it on the potty. And I don't want her to be that upset or worse, hold it in and avoid going because I've traumatised her by forcing the issue. It's so hard to know what to do for the best.

So far so good with the big girl knickers - she's had them on almost an hour now with no accidents!

She's not behind.

This is really confusing. You either potty train and remove daytime nappies or you don’t potty train. When out, pants on, toilet before leaving home, toilet when you arrive then every hour for first few trips out. Spare trousers and pants plus a plastic bag for accidents.

stop confusing your dc. Nighttime is different, they’re ready when ready - dtd1 was dry from day 1 of potty training but dtd2 was a deep sleeper and not dry overnight until almost 4. Both potty trained in the day at 2 years and 2 months. However, before 3 is the aim so you have time. Good luck!

use a toilet seat rather than potty then poo goes further away. When she poos in a nappy, show her you putting it in the toilet and flushing.

So far so good with the big girl knickers - she's had them on almost an hour now with no accidents!

This is great. Although please don't worry if there are a few accidents, it's completely normal and doesn't mean they're not ready.

I didn’t toilet train my children until they were a few weeks older than three and able to be told “hey look how about you sit on the toilet with this new special seat I got you and go like mummy does!”. I never used a potty. Both were using the toilet happily from the first day and then dry at night within a month. Wherever we were stopped for toilet breaks constantly, outings planned round easy access to toilets. Think we had two accidents and one of those only because dim wit XH took ds swimming and then didn’t take to the toilet before leaving for the journey home 🙄

Age doesn’t matter, so long as it’s not so late that she’s about to start school. I think it’s more that she’s showing all the signs pf readiness so there’s point delaying without a very good reason like you’re 9
months pregnant or flying long haul next week. Closer 3 and it can get harder because they can get stubborn. So great that you have her in knickers and are committing!! For poos, I wouldn’t worry for now. The last thing you want is withholding as that’s much harder to deal with. If she asks for a nappy give her one but have her sit on the potty to go in her nappy, then flush the poo down the loo so she learns it’s nothing scary. She’ll get there. Wee before leaving the house is the best way to avoid accidents in the car seat but the covers are washable so not a big deal. Good luck!!

We did it with ds at 2 years 9 months and he cracked it in less than a week. At 2 years 8 months it was still nappies all the way. There is no hurry.

I think you've just made it really confusing and drawn out. When I potty trained I just explained to them they needed to wee and poo in the potty, took away the day nappies completely and put them in pants. They all got it in a couple of days.