Feel my DD is behind with toilet training :(

[pottytrainingahhhh]

DD is 2 years and 8 months (turns 3 in April). She is still in nappies to leave the house and overnight. During the day time when at home, we remove the nappy and have her running around bare from waist down, and leave her potty in an accessible place where she's playing. She's usually really good at running to the potty for a wee, saying "oh no wee wee!" before she starts to run to it, so she's clearly recognising the signs of needing to go, which is good. She will ask for a nappy if she needs to poo, she's pooed on the potty maybe once or twice in recent months but it's taken her by surprise and frightened her a bit, so she's slightly regressed and asks for a nappy if she needs a poo. I'm not too concerned about that part.

I suppose why I'm posting is, I have mum friends whose little ones are a few months older (so one as an example turns 3 in January), and they are in knickers when leaving the house (and have been since the summer), so then they were approx around DD's age now. We all met at the park back in the summer and I felt a little embarrassed that my DD was wearing her nappy (at that time only 2 years and 4 months admittedly), while the other toddlers were wearing knickers and telling their mums when they needed to wee and being taken to the toilet etc.

Basically what I'm saying is, I'm concerned my DD "behind" with this compared to her peers? Granted, the little girl who was most potty trained when we met in the summer is 3 months older than DD - but I don't think that's a huge difference? Shall I just bite the bullet and take DD out in knickers and be prepared for accidents? I haven't even tried knickers in the house yet - we just have her naked from the waist down and she goes on the potty.

Nursery are saying she has asked a couple times to sit on the "big girl toilet", seemingly copying the others who are already 3. They said a handful of times she's done a wee when on the toilet and her nappy has been dry, and at other times she she hasn't done a wee but has just wanted to sit on the toilet like the other girls and boys.

We are invited to a birthday party for the little girl who is toilet trained and turns 3 in January, and I feel a bit embarrassed to take DD whilst still wearing nappies (this is probably my own issue and not fair to DD).

How do I progress this? What's the next step? Any advice appreciated. Thank you!

I think the general consensus now is to wait until they're ready isn't it? DD1 was ready at about 2.5 and toilet trained straight away. We tried with DD2 at the same age and she was nowhere near ready, tried again at 3 and she was fine. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just keep doing what you're doing and she'll eventually get it.

Def just commit to no nappies and get some pull up pants for overnight as that can’t be taught. Some people do dream wees where they lift their kids on the toilet in the middle of the night but my DD would absolutely wake up if I did that!
just pack lots of spare clothes and get in the habit of taking them the toilet all the time. We got a carry potty for places like parks and playgrounds

I haven’t read the whole thread but this is very normal. The whole understanding around potty training now seems to be about waiting until they’re ready. This could be 2 or 3 + depending on the child. You’re doing nothing wrong and she definitely isn’t behind at only 2!

I potty trained dd1 when she was 2 and a couple of months. Took ages. She'd hold in wees and the reluctance to poo without a nappy (then at all) lasted along time. Didn't bother at all with dd2, showed her the potty at about 2.5, very casually, no pressure. She's sit on it, occasionally a tiny drop of wee came out. When she turned 3 she said she wanted to use the potty and that was it. There was no 'training' she just started wearing pants and weeing on the loo. Night time came a few weeks later.

Every child is different, don't compare yours to others, you will never feel good enough if you do. Ease of the potty training for now and try again another time.

Every child is different, my eldest got it straight away at 2.3 and was also dry at night immediately, whereas we had to force the issue with youngest at 3.3 and she really still wasn’t keen (though she was also dry at night before this).

You can try to force the issue by cutting out nappies in the day but this may be easier and may be totally impossible depending on whether your child wants to play ball or doesn’t! Once she is potty trained though you’ll likely never even think of it again so try not to sweat it, in the scheme of things it really doesn’t matter though I get why it feels like it does now.

Ease of the potty training for now and try again another time.

I disagree. Stopping now would be a bad idea as it seems as though OPs DD is more than ready. I think the OP is right to try with the pants, and I suspect by this time next week she'll be looking back wondering why she was so reluctant to let DD go without the nappies.

We did it at a couple of months under two as NHS and health visitor both say start at 18-24 months, as did the Oh Crap book (method we used). Just took nappies away for the daytime altogether, and after the first two days had no accidents.

We make sure to put him on the potty before going out, and have a travel potty with us if it's a longer trip than an hour or two. Haven't had any accidents or needed puppy pads in the car or anything. She sounds more than ready to be out of pull ups.

My dd wasn’t interested in not wearing a nappy till she was 2y 10m…she literally got up one day and said “I don’t want a nappy today”. She had 1 wee in her pants, and has been dry ever since. She’s 26 now😂

You need to chill out. She is only 2.8 months, she is not behind. She will do it when she’s ready with gentle encouragement.

Potty training sucks.

My daughter was 2y4 and my son 2y6. Both were very different. At 2y8 your daughter is not behind at all, I'd say about average, but if you keep taking away and offering nappies, you are drawing out the process and making it much longer than it needs to be.

3.5, on the other hand, is definitely not average. It is still acceptable to many but it isn't average. Where I live (UK) if your child goes to a playgroup before their state nursery year (ie "pre preschool" in the year they turn 3 or 4) they are able to attend from 2y10 months and are expected to be trained or very nearly so - def out of nappies.

Just bite the bullet and get rid of nappies apart from sleep time as that is a separate area of development. Look at it like breaking a habit / learning something new e.g. getting rid of a dummy - if you offer sometimes and not others then the child is confused and doesn't know where they stand. Or if they're learning to walk, we don't expect them never to fall but we do encourage them to keep trying!

You clearly want the best for your daughter but it seems you are making it longer and harder for both without meaning to! You can both do this!

2 hours now in knickers and still no accidents! She ran to the potty for a wee earlier, started to sit down and I quickly helped her with her knickers and she weed on the potty. That was about half an hour ago, since then knickers back on and still dry.

I need to go out shortly in the car so going to put a pull up on her, but it will come straight back off as soon as we are home.

sounds like progress already but i would ditch the pull ups completely - try avoid going out for 2 days and you/she will prob have it nailed

As many previous posters have already said pants here and pull ups there will probably drag things out and send mixed signals to dd. Would probably be better wait until she's 100% ready then cold turkey and dedicate a bit of time to it. Less confusing.

@peppapigpeppa that is what we did!

Both mine were 3.5
Completely normal.

I really wouldn't put her back in a nappy for the car journey.

No need to worry about what others are doing.

We potty trained at 3 years 4 months as she showed no interest when we tried before that. We just took a break and tried again a few months later each time. By the time she was ready, it was super easy and she was out of daytime nappies over a weekend.

She will be fine in a pull up for the car. Mine used them just in case in the car for a few weeks after going into pants and they never needed them. It was just peace of mine for me (no time, working lone parent). Kids aren't daft once they have cracked it.

I'd say no pull ups in the car.

I have heard of people lining the seat with a plastic bag and a towel without the child being made aware. (Obvs they'd see the towel but just say something vague about it). See if she'll go just before you leave (still do with both mine aged 3 and 8) and if only a short trip she will hold. She seems to know how. You could take her to toilet briefly as well.

Also it's great no accidents so far but she most likely will have accidents and that's absolutely fine and to be expected. Just put on fresh pants and remind her next time in the potty.

With poo, i saw you mentioned about withholding. My son did this but it didn't get serious. He went from going twice a day in nappy to going once every 48h or so. I upped fibre in his diet, got some Ella's pouches or prunes and pear too, and just made sure he really unavoidably needed to go. And he did. He liked me to sit with him and hold his hands and say encouraging things. He was soooo pleased with himself after. It also helped to give him a reason to sit there longer ie a book, stickers, programme on tablet.

All 3 of mine were only consistently dry at 3 plus a month/6 weeks. By the time we got to thr third, we didn't bother until 3rd birthday.

Didn't start potty training my little boy until he was 2 years 10 months and he got it within literally a week. Before then he wouldn't of been able to do it

A pull up is still a nappy.
She sounds like she is doing a great job of nailing it and understanding, you will just keep confusing her putting a nappy on outside the house.
Get dog pads and lay one on the car seat. Ask her to go and try for a wee before you go out and take her out, when you get to where you are going (friends house, supermarket) take her the loo upon arriving. Gets her in a good habit for a wee before leaving.

@KateyCuckoo

I agree I work in private nurseries and have done for 17 years. I work in the 3 to 5 room currently and out of 50 children 4 are still in nappies at age 3 and none in the 4 to 5 age bracket. The majority are trained before 3 and this is something I've seen hundreds of times in the last 17 years

Stop putting pull ups on! You either commit or shelve it for a couple of months and try again.