Child escaped car seat…referral to social services

[A2010]

My 2 year old daughter absolutely hates sitting in her car seat and escapes literally every 30 seconds.

My husband took her out today when she escaped her car seat and climbed in to the passenger seat. He should have stopped but he told me because he was nearly there he didn’t. Which has absolutely infuriated me😭

Anyway, someone has obviously reported all this and the police pulled him over. He’s not been fined or anything like that, they just gave him a lecture but also said it was being logged with social services??

Does anyone know what will happen next, I’m absolutely beside myself.

What seat do you have? Is she wiggling out or undoing the clips? What’s she wearing when she’s doing it? All relevant to keeping her safe!

Is there a safe and legal way to attach the child's arms to her torso at around elbow height? It would stop her from raising her arms to push the harness shoulder straps aside whilst not impeding the swift removal of the child from the car in an emergency.

Many years ago, we had an SS referral when. DC2 fell down the stairs, we went to A & E to be careful. We had gates at top and bottom but hadn’t realised that DC1 had learnt how to open them.

SS called to check everything was ok, that we had/could afford gates/knew why they were important.

I deal with social workers all the time through my job, don’t panic! The media do a job on them but IME they are very rational and supportive.

Don’t worry too much but definitely get a better car seat and be very firm/stern with your DC about getting out of it!

It's automatic for the police to notify social work. I think it's likely the health visitor will follow-up on behalf of social work.

I appreciate it is easier said than done in some cases but if she understands like you say she does then you and your husband need to plan ahead for all journeys with your escapee. She needs to learn that there’s a consequence to getting out of her seat. Maybe arrange a couple of fun things nearby that she would really like to do and if she escapes then you park up, put her in the buggy and one of you walk her home so she misses the activity and the other brings the car back.
Shouting at her is pointless, if she’s ignoring you for something this important how is she with rules generally? Do you let her get her own way with other things that are potentially dangerous like holding your hand while crossing the road?

Is she undoing the buckle or sliding arms out? If she’s sliding arms out it’s not fitted correctly. Straps should be coming from just below the shoulder, absolutely no coats and pulled tight so only one finger can fit under. There’s no way she would be able to wriggle out of fitted correctly. If she’s undoing the buckle wrap it in gaffer tape and cut off at destination.

Join the Car Seat Safety UK group on Facebook, you will get proper advice from professionals. Lots of people on here making well meaning but completely unsafe recommendations.

I don't have any advice RE ss sorry but have a look at the car seat safety uk group on Facebook (it's run by car seat experts).

Have them look at the fit of the car seat as it might just need some tweaking. Otherwise they only recommend using the be safe belt collector to avoid little ones escaping their seats, it's crash tested and complies with R129 regulation. It's about £8 online

Because a lot of people have black and white views about car safety but IRL it is about comparing risks and making an educated judgement. It's obviously not an option to continue with what has been happening already - so you have to try something :)

The "gold standard" top safety is not working - so this is a "lesser of two evils" situation. No perfect solution exists. You have to pick the risk you're OK with. (Most of them are MUCH smaller than letting her travel unrestrained).

You get the same on any topic on MN - people will say that formula feeding is terrible and awful but if breastfeeding isn't working, then formula feeding is great!! Much better than the options people had in previous generations.

Also, some people are making assumptions - for example they have heard something negative about chest clips, and when you said you'd got the 5 point plus (which is not a chest clip) they have responded with info about chest clips. (Which in fact might be the lesser of two evils here).

Did you see my myth busting post a few replies above? (sorry it was a bit wordy)

Is there any specific solution you're wanting reassurance/guidance about?

And first thing to check is always: Do you have the harness set up correctly in her current seat?

@LovePoppy we don't have chest clips on uk seats, reason being it makes it more difficult for emergency services to get a child out of a car accident if the harness has a chest clip

You’re a good ‘un @BertieBotts

We have the Cybex Pallas and I genuinely cannot see how any child would be able to get out of it.

Oh dear, he probably should have stopped. I think the police did the right thing with the lecture as there may be some parents who don't understand the importance. I can see how the SS referral upset you, but I am sure it won't be taken any further.

My daughter can escape too and I bought a car seat chest clip with monkeys on from Amazon. Some people have me lectures about how it wasn't safe, but her climbing out and standing on the seat isn't safe. Since putting the clip on she hasn't even tried to escape and calls it her monkey and ensures it gets fastened.

https://amzn.eu/d/gqOAXXN

Social services won't do anything.

Be very wary of using any add ons to try and stop her escaping, if there is an accident these can cause issues- of course it's better than being out of a car seat but you should try other things first. Its also not always possible to immediately stop when driving, what if you're on the motorway? Driving country lanes in thick traffic with nowhere safe to pull over? Whilst its responsible you can't count on being able to do that. I'd get a new car seat and consider putting in the front seat (with air bags off of course)- not as safe as rear facing in the back but safer than being 'loose' in the car.

Either way as you know you both need to address this ASAP.

3 point seat belts on all seats as we think of them today weren't even fully mandatory until the 00s.

Our car through the 90s only came with a drivers seat-belt as by law that was all legally required (law changed in 1989 to mandate rear childrens seats needed a seat belt but pre-existing cars like our where exempt). We did fit after market seat belt our self because my parents where big supporters of car safety but they where literally just nonadjustable nylon straps back then.

Even after all seats where mandated to have seat belt it wasn't until about 2002 they had to be proper seat belts not just a simple lap strap restraints.

Even now when you think about it its strange we don't have a requirement for seat belt on most public transport.

It was obviously dangerous long before the laws came in though its just not many people questioned it.

Sometimes we don’t realise until her leg is climbing over in to the front passenger seat.

How can she get out of a rear facing seat and not be noticed until she is climbing into the front seat? That's whole level of oblivion that no driver should have.

It has happened once or twice at most, but it’s happened.

Your DH was driving long enough after she escaped that someone witnessed it, called the police, and the police had time to arrive and pull him over. I would be less worried about social services and more worried about leaving your child with DH, for your child's safety. The fact that he didn't immediately stop out of concern for her safety is a huge concern.

The tape is a joke right?

Do you use your rear view when driving surely you would see any child doing this especially as it takes time? Knowing she gets out you would be frequently looking.

most people do not adjust belts tightly enough many never do it on every journey. Many wear outdoor clothing.

I think it would be safer to tape the child's arms to her sides than tape the buckle. A swaddled child in an unobstructed harness will be faster to rescue than an unswaddled child in a harness with tape obstructing the buckle. Firefighters wear heavy gloves and won't be able to pick at tape; don't make them have to fish out the seatbelt cutter when they could just hit the button.

You win the thread.

Sounds like the referral was a good thing, as that has now prompted you to order something for a problem you should have taken seriously a long while ago.

Sounds also like something you shouldn't worry about being taken further. Presumably their swamped services have different priorities.

Why are you not telling the person who suggested it?