Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Accidentally misgendering

135 replies

ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:13

Out in a public place today, mistook a boy for a girl (maybe 5 years old, had long hair, clothes more girly than boy looking). The kid replied "I'm not a girl" clearly quite frustrated. I replied in the moment "oh, I'm sorry." I just wondered as a parent would you not do something about this, as clearly it's a regular occurrence for this child and it is getting to them/or should we all be changing to use only gender neutral labels and language going forward?

OP posts:
GoodLordHelpMe · 29/12/2023 21:15

Society needs to understand that long hair is not a "girls" thing...

GoodLordHelpMe · 29/12/2023 21:16

I realise that doesn't answer your question. Why did you need to refer to the child as a boy or girl?

LinnieM · 29/12/2023 21:17

Why do the parents need to do anything about it? Maybe he likes his hair? Shock horror, I know😳

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Families General parenting
Original poster
ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:18

He was also was also dressed like a girl but more due to the fact he seemed frustrated at being called one.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:20

Just habit, one of those things you do without thinking.

OP posts:
GoodLordHelpMe · 29/12/2023 21:21

My son gets frustrated being called a girl but won't cut his hair because he likes it long. That's his choice, why on earth would I make him cut it because people like you mistake him for a girl?
And what are "girl" clothes?
Yes, if you haven't been told if a child is a boy or a girl you can call them "them" or equivalent, I assure you you'll survive.

bakewellbride · 29/12/2023 21:22

I agree op. I saw 2 boys at my local pool clearly frustrated as they had their long knottt hair put into pony tails for swimming. Just have it short I always think! Otherwise you can and do get mistaken for a girl.

Notmetoo · 29/12/2023 21:22

What do you suggest his parents do? Why can't he be a.boy and have long hair and wear colourful clothes? Rigid ideas about what it is to be a boy or a girl are helpful to no one and can be very harmful

flibbertigiblets · 29/12/2023 21:23

What makes you think it’s clearly a regular occurrence for this child?

Would I be wide of the mark if I said that you seem to be feeling embarrassed about your mistake, potentially irritating/offending someone else’s kid and turning the blame for your mistake onto the parents?

Doubt it’s a biggy anyway, the child has probably forgotten. My daughter used to wear dinosaur tshirts (SHOCK HORROR BOYS’ CLOTHES) and get mistaken for a boy.. it didn’t bother her, or me. I just figured those adults clearly didn’t realise kids can wear whatever they like and certain clothes don’t need to be associated with what type of genitals they have 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:26

Don't have an issue at all with it, how long their hair is or isn't, or the clothes they choose to wear. Just made me consider the possible impact on the child, that's all and yes, reconsider the way I address children I don't know.

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 29/12/2023 21:27

ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:20

Just habit, one of those things you do without thinking.

Stop doing it, start thinking?

I stopped saying girl/boy after making this mistake with a baby many years ago.

Long hair has been word by boys for decades, look at TOTP 1970s for ancient examples, and what do you mean by 'girly' clothes anyway?

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/12/2023 21:27

Would I encourage my son to cut his hair and wear clothes he may not like just because someone may gender stereotype him and call him a girl? No.

I'd just continue to encourage him to be himself and to simply correct someone who assumes that long hair = girl.

SutWytTi · 29/12/2023 21:31

I find it amazing that in 2023 people are STILL insisting on associating long hair with girls. I remember my ancient relatives saying this sort of thing 40 years ago. Everyone young was Hmm then. It is like time stands still for some people.

mfbx5sf3 · 29/12/2023 21:31

I used to have this with my two year old. He was petite and had jaw length curls. He was often misgendered even whilst playing in fairly stereotypical boy clothing. I once had a women bellowing “mind that little girl” to her two pink tutu clad girls in a playground. I replied with “come on DS let’s get out of the way of these boys”. I’m not sure who looked more outraged the mum or children.

Original poster
ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:34

It wasn't just the long hair, just an honest mistake in the moment. I was called the opposite sex once when I was younger and it stuck with me. I was considering the mental impact of it and reconsidering how I address people in future.

OP posts:
ActDottie · 29/12/2023 21:37

LinnieM · 29/12/2023 21:17

Why do the parents need to do anything about it? Maybe he likes his hair? Shock horror, I know😳

This. I don’t think parents should be doing anything about it. If the boy is happy with long hair then the parents are doing everything right raising a happy child.

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 29/12/2023 21:39

ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:18

He was also was also dressed like a girl but more due to the fact he seemed frustrated at being called one.

What does dressed like a girl look like?

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 29/12/2023 21:43

@mfbx5sf3 😁 I love that and might use it myself!

Original poster
ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:46

He was a boy that looked like a girl for all intents and purposes. The main point of the post was considering how to address the general population. I don't necessarily believe the parents should do anything, I was just considering the possible mental impact on the child if being called a girl bothers him, as it seemed to.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 29/12/2023 21:47

GoodLordHelpMe · 29/12/2023 21:16

I realise that doesn't answer your question. Why did you need to refer to the child as a boy or girl?

Because in the real world that's what us every day folk do.

maddiemookins16mum · 29/12/2023 21:48

JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots · 29/12/2023 21:39

What does dressed like a girl look like?

Show quote history

Ah c’mon, it’s not hard to work it out.

SutWytTi · 29/12/2023 21:50

ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:46

He was a boy that looked like a girl for all intents and purposes. The main point of the post was considering how to address the general population. I don't necessarily believe the parents should do anything, I was just considering the possible mental impact on the child if being called a girl bothers him, as it seemed to.

He would only have looked like a girl to people who have a narrow view of what a boy or girl looks like.

SutWytTi · 29/12/2023 21:51

maddiemookins16mum · 29/12/2023 21:47

Because in the real world that's what us every day folk do.

Show quote history

I'm everyday folk too.

I incorrectly called a baby boy a girl many years ago and just stopped doing it. It isn't complicated to adjust.

Sturnidae · 29/12/2023 21:53

ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:18

He was also was also dressed like a girl but more due to the fact he seemed frustrated at being called one.

And what does that mean exactly? My 7yo gets annoyed at people calling her a boy when her hair is short, she prefers it short but won't cut it again due to it annoyingly. She has been called a boy when in pain waterproofs and in frilly skirts, clothes have sod all to do with it, just people making assumptions based on hair length which is ingrained in many for some strange reason.

bumbledeedum · 29/12/2023 21:54

ScoR20 · 29/12/2023 21:46

He was a boy that looked like a girl for all intents and purposes. The main point of the post was considering how to address the general population. I don't necessarily believe the parents should do anything, I was just considering the possible mental impact on the child if being called a girl bothers him, as it seemed to.

How does a child 'look like a girl'? Because you assume long hair and/or colour or pink clothing = girl? That's your outdated stereotypes which I hope you're not instilling in your own children. I have two boys with longish hair who wear a whole spectrum of clothes, my eldest is a particular fan of pink bracelets at the moment. Shocker.