Feel like I can’t face one more day. I just can’t.

[Pleasehelpimexhausted]

Yes I’m depressed and yes I’m seeking treatment. This is really just me writing down my feelings in the hope it will lift even a tiny weight from my shoulders.

Is it normal to feel like this? Like you just cannot face one more day of sleep deprivation, mess, whinging, every little thing being made as difficult and time consuming as possible? My body is knackered from never resting or sleeping, lugging car seats around, pushing prams and lifting kids in and out of chairs/baths/cars. Mentally I’m utterly drained and sick of the sound of my own voice telling them not to do something, or not to break something, or not to hurt each other. My entire life is childcare from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them, only to be forced awake an hour later.

I wake up and just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I love them both and they’re not actually difficult kids but I honestly can’t see how anyone enjoys this. I’m a shell of the person I used to be.

Genuine question
What would happen if you had no breast milk? Not everyone does...
Just wondering

Do you have a buggy board? They seemed popular for siblings at one time.

Have you got child music you can put on loud enough to keep their attention while they play then gradually you can slip away and tidy and keeping a check on them but the music is their entertainment-nursery rhymes or stories to listen to

Hey there, sorry your feeling like this. I've felt like this too and wanted to share my thoughts -
You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. Childcare is constant and relentless.
You need to try and find snippets of time to recharge. Try and avoid them around the house, sneak off sometimes, tell your dh you're off for a walk. If dh doesn't understand then you're better off on your own.
Eventually all kids start school so it won't be like this forever.
Know you're not alone.
Find toddler groups.
Home-start may be able to help you.

I was ashamed to admit at the time that I didn't enjoy all of parenting. A lot of it is monotonous and hard (on the joints and nerves).

Your life is important. Please talk to samaritans if you need to. Take care.

This is a great reply, you need immediate help and then long term to be in an urban area with easy things to do near by.

I think you need to focus on the move. There's simply no good way for a non-driver to live really with our poor public transport. It's a recipe for misery.

In the meantime I think your partner needs to provide you with more regular respite, even if it's just a few hours due to the breastfeeding.

I was told my daughter couldn't have formula at 4 months as my daughter would accept it. I was told to essentially suck it up and keep breastfeeding despite the cost to me.

A sympathetic female GP gave us prescription at 8 months but prescribed the wrong one which caused a bottle aversion but she accepted the formula in food and in nursery. At 10 months I was admitted into hospital for my mental health and had to switch to lithium which can't be breastfed on. This was the only medicine I was prescribed that required me to stop breastfeeding I had an antipsychotic, 4 antidepressants and a mood stabilizer in various combinations that I could breastfeed on. If your doctor is saying you have to stop breastfeeding to start medication for your depression make sure they are give correct advice. Most mental health medication is safe to breastfeed on.

We got my daughter on to formula at 10 months and every mum I know that has tried to get a 8+month old baby on to amino acid formula has managed it. We couldn't do oat milk as it didn't provide adequate nutrition for my daughter until she was nearly 2 and she was 18 months before she would accept more than a sip of it as a drink so for us the only option was getting her to accept the formula.

As for how do you manage to look after children and do the housework. My partner did it all. I did the washing and the food shop everything else was done by my partner. I didn't use a hoover for about 18 months. Never picked up a duster. I didn't cook. I some times loaded and unloaded the dishwasher but the only thing I did was look after myself (poorly) and my daughter. I could go 2-3 weeks without brushing my hair and washing. On bad days I couldn't make myself a cup of tea or some cereal so had to wait for my partner to get home.

My partner held us all up without question or complaint despite working long hours and having to be out of the house before 5am

Huge hugs op, or sounds tough

They are hard ages, they are very young

Make sure you move somewhere with a garden, and make sure you stop breastfeeding, it really drains you.

Also, bear in mind at that age they really don't need a huge amount of 'activities'. Just having a bit of a walk/bath/ potter down the road is enough, it really is

Oh yeah, cooking?

Keep it simple :

Shop bought pie and beans
Sausage, mash, peas
Pizza and soup
Jacket spuds and toppings
Fish fingers and chips
Omelette

You need to really wind back on household chores

Eldest child needs to be in nursery. She is bored at home.

^^

She's at school already

Can you put the baby in the pram for his naps so you don't need to wake him?

Personally going back to work was very beneficial to my mental health. I went 4 days a week with Wednesday off so at least I knew I could nap on Wednesdays. And Saturday & Sunday.

Also cleaner was a necessary thing. And when they were sick my MIL would take them away and bring them back when they were better. That was a game changer because as a teacher I couldn't not go to work.

Is any of this possible for you. DD1 was an appalling sleeper. I remember being up 9x one night and going into work as a zombie the next day.

I don’t have any advice beyond what’s already been said, but I feel for you because I’ve been there - rural area where I didn’t know anyone, DP working away, 2 under 2. That winter was the worst ever and I sometimes used to just sit and cry. But, it’s a distant memory now and one day it will be for you too.

I had a couple of ok days but I’m back in a dark place today. I hate having them both home together, it’s a real trigger for my black moods. All they do is wind each other up, scream, make a mess and want food. It’s fucking relentless. The constant whining and screaming is just intolerable. I hate everything.

It feels like nothing I do results in us having a ‘nice time’. It’s just constant whining and screaming from one or both children no matter what we are doing, and the day always just turns to chaos no matter how organised I try to be. I’m sick of never being able to do ANYTHING without the background noise of whinging and crying.

I hate having to make endless fucking meals for everyone, catering to allergies and weaning and what everyone will and won’t eat. Yes I try to make the same thing and have a ‘take it or leave it’ attitude but it’s just relentless cycle of thinking up new fucking meals every evening, making a mess cooking then having to coax DD to eat it while the baby whines and bangs his high chair. Then clean up the mess they’ve thrown on the floor, rinse and repeat. For once I just want to not making fucking dinner and just sit on the sofa. If I have to hear ‘I’m hungry’ one more time I will fucking scream.

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through the next 5+ years.

Oh OP I’m sorry to hear your update. I won’t offer any advice because you’re probably sick of hearing it but all I can say is that even in a years time (which I know feels like an eternity) this will already be better. I promise. When I was in the doldrums with DC1 I was given similar reassurances by friends and I didn’t believe them but they were right!

Only one tiny suggestion, do you ever give the kids microwave meals? I know some people are really against them but I really think there’s no harm in them a couple of times a week. Or if you have a COOK near you they do nice kids ready meals. I used to share one between DC1 & 2 when they were a bit younger some peas on the side.

Oh sorry to hear this OP. Have you talked to the GP? Honestly I think you might need medication to get you through this. That’s how I felt anyway. The antidepressant helped to clear my mind just enough that I could cope.

Thank you, yes I’ve made a request for an appointment, they haven’t got back to me yet (it’s an online system)

Thats good, I hope you get an appointment soon. My friend’s mum had awful depression after having her kids in the 70’s & she told me how many mums were on tranquillisers to get them through the day! I think it’s just really hard & monotonous & sometimes you just need something to get you through.

Oh OP I hope they get back to you soon. I can really relate to this. The difference for me is that I didn’t realise at the time it was depression.
I am now on medication. I’ve done CBT. I know what to do to keep well and what to do if I slip. Hope you can get some help soon.

For meal ideas do you have the allergy free baby and toddler recipe book and the follow on book the allergy free family cookbook

They save us! We do meals that are mostly the same and split at the end so that we get something that's tasty cooking things like onions garlic and chilli separately and then add it once we have removed my daughters portion

So sorry to hear this OP. Offering solidarity and support. This is just a stage- my dad always said it and it’s so true! I agree to ready meals and trying to get out when you can. Another thing- have you tried a light lamp? These feelings might be being made worse by the time of year.

Sorry to hear you're suffering, OP. Hopefully the GP will be in touch soon, and hopefully you can sort out the issue of living somewhere that's not conducive to not driving.

I found parenting a young child extremely difficult, and would have absolutely lost my shit if I hadn't been able to be out of the house for the majority of every day. You're being really brave and doing so well, keep plodding for now.

I would focus on getting baby onto formula for your own sanity.

Also meals can just be boiled egg on toast, mini pizza, beans on toast type meals. I don't know if you're spending ages making stuff from scratch but for your well being you just need something quick. They can also get nutrients from things like smoothies, baby bel, yoghurt, banana etc.

Hey @Pleasehelpimexhausted just checking in to see how you're doing?

Hi @Pleasehelpimexhausted
just wanted to see how you’re doing ? I can resonate with a lot of what you said and am struggling too. Hard to cling onto hope when things feel dark. Hope things are lighter for you xx

I send you love.

Can you get a babysitter to give you an afternoon off every week?

If you give yourself some rest one day a week, you'll be more able for the rest of your week

Move somewhere with a nursery nearby or childminders.