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Original poster

Feel like I can’t face one more day. I just can’t.

104 replies

Pleasehelpimexhausted · 28/12/2023 21:27

Yes I’m depressed and yes I’m seeking treatment. This is really just me writing down my feelings in the hope it will lift even a tiny weight from my shoulders.

Is it normal to feel like this? Like you just cannot face one more day of sleep deprivation, mess, whinging, every little thing being made as difficult and time consuming as possible? My body is knackered from never resting or sleeping, lugging car seats around, pushing prams and lifting kids in and out of chairs/baths/cars. Mentally I’m utterly drained and sick of the sound of my own voice telling them not to do something, or not to break something, or not to hurt each other. My entire life is childcare from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them, only to be forced awake an hour later.

I wake up and just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I love them both and they’re not actually difficult kids but I honestly can’t see how anyone enjoys this. I’m a shell of the person I used to be.

OP posts:
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fivetriangulartrees · 29/12/2023 08:50

Tiffanysepiphany · 28/12/2023 23:40

I remember feeling a lot like this and a random unplanned trip to butlins (of all places!)made me reevaluate my life . Basically I was living abroad, few local facilities and amenities for small kids, harsh dark winters etc. I’d planned a much needed trip back to the uk and the cheapest accommodation available was butlins , which was a place I wouldn’t have considered , but it was a cheap deal so that was that. But what a revelation. Kids entertainment all day while I sank into a beanbag and read crap magazines. Kids knackered at the end of each day , allowing me a well needed rest. Those butlins entertainers were like angels, taking my kids off to do crafts while I sat in the corner having my breakdown .
It gave me just a tiny weird bit of respite, which was enough to reevaluate how much toll my lifestyle was taking on my body and mind.
In that week I got enough mental distance to see with clarity the ways in which life had become really tough, and make a few changes, some tiny and some massive.
I’m not suggesting in any way that Butlins is a solution. Just that sometimes when we’re in the trenches of parenting it’s difficult to see what we need to thrive as parents. It’s so so hard being stuck at home with little ones without a big support network. You just take on more and more roles, being everything to everyone until eventually, you can’t.

May I ask what changes (tiny and massive) you made?

chompargh · 29/12/2023 09:01

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Mintygoodness · 29/12/2023 09:04

Are you getting any kind of Stress Relief OP?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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Original poster
Pleasehelpimexhausted · 29/12/2023 09:09

A very bad night. DS is unwell with a high fever and cough and I think I slept for about 3 hours, broken up. I honestly feel like I will never sleep again. It’s not as simple as asking DP to take them so I can sleep - I can’t sleep, the habit of light sleeping and waking every hour or two is so ingrained now that it will happen even if the kids aren’t with me. I’ll have to learn to sleep again when the youngest is no longer waking at night. He’s 10 months so who knows when that will be.

We are moving house, it’s actually being listed on rightmove next week, we tried to sell last year but the buyer pulled out at short notice and I was heavily pregnant so couldn’t face doing it again until now.

DD is at school, she’s young for her year. It helps in that I only have DS for 5 hours of the day. But her school is a 15/20 minute walk away up a large hill, which means frequently waking the baby from his naps to get him in the pram and head up there. So I spend an hour a day walking to and from the school.

DS is starting with a childminder 2 days a week at the end of January so I can go back to work. I’m hanging onto that even though the pick up/drop off situation will be a nightmare as they’re in opposite directions.

I just want to sleep.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 29/12/2023 09:09

It's a good description of how burnout feels.

Can your DH give you a night off? With this night you could go and stay with a family member/childless friend. Or book a night in a budget hotel. Or go for a weekend away with a friend. Or DH can take the DC to one of his family/friends so you get a night at home. (But it's hard not to then feel like you "should" catch up on laundry etc).

I think the relentlessness of parenting is extremely draining.

purplejeanie · 29/12/2023 09:19

Pleasehelpimexhausted · 29/12/2023 09:09

A very bad night. DS is unwell with a high fever and cough and I think I slept for about 3 hours, broken up. I honestly feel like I will never sleep again. It’s not as simple as asking DP to take them so I can sleep - I can’t sleep, the habit of light sleeping and waking every hour or two is so ingrained now that it will happen even if the kids aren’t with me. I’ll have to learn to sleep again when the youngest is no longer waking at night. He’s 10 months so who knows when that will be.

We are moving house, it’s actually being listed on rightmove next week, we tried to sell last year but the buyer pulled out at short notice and I was heavily pregnant so couldn’t face doing it again until now.

DD is at school, she’s young for her year. It helps in that I only have DS for 5 hours of the day. But her school is a 15/20 minute walk away up a large hill, which means frequently waking the baby from his naps to get him in the pram and head up there. So I spend an hour a day walking to and from the school.

DS is starting with a childminder 2 days a week at the end of January so I can go back to work. I’m hanging onto that even though the pick up/drop off situation will be a nightmare as they’re in opposite directions.

I just want to sleep.

He's 10 months now so when not ill will start to sleep for longer and longer periods (and if not, then you can sleep train). I had similar sleeping issues but your body quickly readapts back and you will learn to sleep properly again, when not being constantly woken. We also were isolated in the countryside and moved back to London and my wellbeing hugely improved because there is so much on for little children, which breaks up the relentlessness of it all -and you can chat to adults.

RedChester · 29/12/2023 09:29

I absolutely hear you about needing to learn to sleep again.

I found the over the counter sleeping tablets really helpful for this. They are just an antihistamine and I still wake if needed in the night, and am not sleepy in the morning. You can get them in any pharmacy.

Might be worth a try OP.

Flyhigher · 29/12/2023 16:17

Nursery or childminder. This isn't good at all.
It's not normal but common. I felt like this a bit.
Can you move somewhere closer to people you can pop in on. This is too hard.

Flyhigher · 29/12/2023 16:28

We aren't supposed to parent alone. It's meant to be in a big group of people you actually like.
So you need to find them. Hopefully same sex child parents. Ideally with older brothers.

Flyhigher · 29/12/2023 16:29

The physical exercise is good for you. The boredom and repetition isn't. You need friends. And adult conversation. Are there any grandparents?

goMe46 · 29/12/2023 17:05

The school run/walk is beneficial
Look on it as a place to be and exercise.

Turn all negatives into positives 🙂

I do a hour or more driving on our school run but theres pluses to it.

I'd also recommend the anti histamine tablets to help you relax.

Original poster
Pleasehelpimexhausted · 29/12/2023 17:12

There are no positives. It pisses with rain. I’ve had a bad back since pregnancy and the hill just makes it worse. The 4 year old can be ok but sometimes hates walking and stops to complain constantly. It’s stressful just getting them out the door.

The baby is still unwell and will no doubt be up 4-5 times tonight or more. I won’t sleep. They’ve made a mess at dinner. He’ll cry and scream going down and one of us will have to sit on the floor in the dark for ages. One of us needs to tidy up and clean the kitchen.

Same again tomorrow on even less sleep.

I don’t want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasehelpimexhausted · 29/12/2023 17:15

This just isn’t the kind of thing someone popping over to watch them for an hour can fix. I appreciate the well meaning suggestions but it just isn’t. My only hope is strong antidepressants.

OP posts:
cansu · 29/12/2023 17:21

I think you need company that is not your husband. You are bored and fed up of the drudgery of relentless childcare and housework. Try to carve out time to go out with a friend.

cansu · 29/12/2023 17:22

Anti depressants will help too. I have felt similarly.

goMe46 · 29/12/2023 17:26

Yeah we've all been there.

You can ask for support
Phone your Health Visitor
ask HV/GP for a early start referral
OR refer yourself

Personally I like rain and windy weather

Legoroses · 29/12/2023 17:34

Thank God you're moving. You need to get you and them out of the house. I could not have managed this. No wonder you feel panic when you wake up. I know it won't be for ages but I'm so glad there is that light at the end of the tunnel. Makes such a difference - even just seeing something else.

Original poster
Pleasehelpimexhausted · 29/12/2023 17:39

Thank you Lego, I do have friends here but they’re mum friends with small children, we spend our meet ups chasing our kids about, it just isn’t the same. I’ve suggested drinks out but a few are single mums and don’t have anyone to watch their kids and the others acted like I had suggested we visit a crack den for a shot of something class A.

OP posts:
CoconutSty · 29/12/2023 17:46

Similar situation over here, except I work 9-4 and when I'm not at the beck and call of the kids it's my employer. Literally never get a break. Once kids are in bed by 8 I race around catching up on jobs and then collapse into bed at 9. Hardly ever see DH. We pass on the stairs. I'm on my knees. Nobody to help - it's just the two of us. I haven't slept in 5 years.

Superscientist · 29/12/2023 18:19

What support are you getting?
I had severe treatment resistant depression with psychosis when I had my daughter and spent 10 weeks in a mother and baby unit.

My HV offered me "listening" appointments and came to see us every 2 weeks for a while and then every month mostly to check on how I was doing and how things were going as my daughter has issues with reflux and allergies. She put me in touch with a peer support group who met once a week and had a WhatsApp group that saved me so many times. I was under the perinatal team and I saw a cc every other week and a phone call in between. I had compassion focussed therapy as a group therapy. This didn't help me but the other ladies found it very helpful. I had VIG therapy with an infant parenting service and this was amazing. I had it for about 18 months and worked with a psychologist to discuss the history behind my pnd and we did videos of me and my daughter to answer questions I had such as "does my daughter like me?" We reviewed still images from the filming and short 10-20 second clips

It took a lot of medication and a lot of therapy from being diagnosed as treatment resistant at 10 months pp when I went into hospital I was back to normal at 2 years pp. It was slow progress and when I went into hospital I thought I would never get back to who I was or back to work. I only work 4 days a week now as I can't cope with working more then 2 days in a row so I have Wednesdays off. It took help from so many different people to get through.

My best advice is to find when you rest best. It sounds like your partner taking the kids in the morning doesn't help as you won't go back to sleep.
My partner doesn't cope with disturbed nights so I do those. I can't cope with early mornings so my partner does those. Work out at sleep pattern which is best for your sleep preferences

Scrantonicity2 · 29/12/2023 18:33

I know you won't want to hear this because it doesn't help you NOW which is what you really need... but have faith it won't last forever. I very clearly remember the hours and hours in the night getting the youngest to sleep and making my mind up never to have another baby.

It's a distant memory now, and my once-wrecked sleep patterns are back to normal. You're allowed to wish the time away....

tokesqueen · 29/12/2023 18:51

Mine were in nursery pt by four and five months and I went back to work. It was the only 'break' we ever got.
It saved me.
That was over twenty years ago and never a single regret.

VivaVivaa · 29/12/2023 19:29

I hear you OP. Im not depressed and I’m not moving house (did that recently though) and I’m 5, nearly 6 months into 2 DC and i am just frazzled. I’m on the verge of tears thinking about DH going back to work next week, it’s been so lovely being able to divide and conquer and not feel so overwhelmed. My baby is of the generally easy variety (the 3yo less so…) but his sleep is dreadful. I’m so looking forward to going back to work so it isn’t automatically on me all the time.

Scousefab · 29/12/2023 19:40

Gosh I have one child and I struggled! I took up residence in the local soft play centre so I could have a warm brew! I used nursery to have some me time. Sometimes you just need a day off so you can relax.

cinematographersparty · 29/12/2023 20:24

I don't have any advice but am in the same boat and have so much sympathy. I thought I could handle two kids. Some days I cry every single time I am alone. I'm told it gets easier. It feels like a prison sentence at the moment.