Screen time for baby

[ivyrayne]

Hey everyone! I am currently six months pregnant with my first baby, and I am looking into how myself and my partner will be raising our daughter. We’ve agreed on no screen time until at least 2 years old, as research shows that it is bad for her development. However, I realised recently that this isn’t a popular method in parents my age (I’m 22 and my partner is 24). My friend for example, has her tv on all day at her house, and both her toddler, and her newborn watch it at all hours. I’m concerned about visiting anyone’s house, as I don’t want my little one having screentime at all, and I’d feel rude asking someone to switch of their tv for me. How do people navigate this? I’m happy for her to have limited screentime after the age of 2, but until then I really want to avoid it. How do I do this when visiting houses/doing university work on my laptop (I am currently doing a degree so I work on my laptop a lot). Thanks!

I have never met anyone who has stuck to their parenting ideals

Ours was do what works and change what doesn't we have stuck to that one

If you don’t want them watching tv at other peoples’ houses just take some toys with you and play with them! As for the working on a laptop there’s no way I could have done that when mine were small when they were awake. Perhaps some babies would just sit contentedly I don’t know but mine wanted attention or feeding or changing or just screamed for no reason!
the thing with screens is that correlation isn’t causation and you might find that it’s certain types of children who use iPads more rather than the iPad causing the attention difficulties…

I felt similar OP, then my DD found Miss Rachel.

😆😆😆

Before kids I was defo anti screentime, but now they're here (2yo twins) to be honest sometimes you just need what makes your life easy and less stressful. They didn't watch much til about 6 months ago but tbh it means I can cook their tea while they relax and we're all happier. I wouldn't worry too much abour your little one being exposed to small amounts of tv. As long as they have a balanced life with lots of running around and other stimulation I'm sure they will be well rounded etc hahaha

Me too 😂 3 boys in and the TV is a need

Everyone's ideal. Just about no one manages it😄 I can't make dinner without it. Hasn't hindered my nearly 2 year old's development. People are very impressed by how much he talks and what he knows. The content of what they watch is the significant part. My son constantly talks about what he's seeing with me and doesn't get overstimulated.

I didn’t plan for screen time but my Ds would lie on his baby gym staring at the lights reflecting on the Tv so I decided I might as well put baby educational Tv on .

My Ds also has adhd and didn’t sleep so no chance of getting anything done in the few hours he did 😴

Just to also add . My Ds had delayed speech . When he started talking he said things like parth for path , carstle instead of castle . I realised his language development was from CBeebies . It’s not all bad

💯
This is basically what I came on to say.

A bit of miss Rachel, bluey, Coco melon and hey duggee are fine.

Side note:
Our child didn't watch phones or TV really until post 1 year so was late to the party.
I am genuinely a skeptic about these things but I actually think Miss Rachel is worthy of her X million dollars net worth she has 100% definitely improved my childs speaking ability and also shown ME how to speak to my child in a more effective way to help encourage spoken language.

Baby no 2 will likely get a dose of Miss Rachel earlier on...

I was so happy when my dcs were able to watch a bit of tv. I'd then go and cook food or do some cleaning quickly.
There is a middle ground where you can limit screen time and ensure your dc are getting out, reading and doing stimulating activities whilst also choosing quality tv and having the time to not feel like you're drowning.
It's more important to limit screens as they grow up. The amount of children who do nothing but play fortnite all weekend every weekend is horrifying.

I don't think you can really control what happens in other people's houses - but if they don't see TV at home they might not expect it at home... In general, I found DS (now nearly 4) would do different things at different places (e.g. would put himself to sleep for a nap at nursery but would only be rocked to sleep at home!). So seeing the occasional screen probably won't create bad habits especially if it is associated with "not home".

We have always limited TV (DS has about an hour a day now in 2-3 sessions) but had video calling from the beginning - this meant that when DS was about a year old he recognised the grandparents that he hadn't seen for about 6 months in real life (thanks lockdown...). That was brilliant - no regrets! But I wouldn't want to let him watch much more than that - and he's used to it, he doesn't expect to watch more than 20-30min in one go unless he is ill.

Good luck with this plan!!

OP there is a very big difference between a child watching some beloved programmes and being handed an iPad or phone to stare and prod at for hours on end.

We did no screen time til one. Then gradually introduced various programmes. He's 2 now and has his favourite programmes and characters and it's lovely. Some days he watches no tv. Some days it's an hour. Sometimes you have a toddler stuck at home with D&V who can barely move or eat and it's a duvet on the couch and a lot of tv. And that's ok. This Christmas he has absolutely adored watching The Snowman and Stick Man- it's lovely.

Screens are all around us. I would just take it as it comes when baby is here and not make rigid rules before they're even born. That goes for everything, not just screen time. You're aware of the research and recommendations and that will inform your parenting, but a few cartoons are no bad thing in a child's life.

'Screentime' means different things though. There's a study about how the old fashioned, communal main tv isn't particularly harmful but it's when kids are given their parents phone/ tablet and allowed to sit in their own little world watching it for hours, particularly where it's content they can flick onto the next thing, eg kids youtube, that's not so great.

The reason for this is because they're not playing, they are just pressing a button/ flicking the screen and that tiny repetitive movement doesn't develop anything.

There's also a passivity to screens which means even educational content doesn't really impact very small children because that's not how their brains learn - they learn by doing. For older kids though, it's different again.

Also consider toys where you push a button and the toy lights up/talks etc, but doesn't do anything else or require any other engagement, because that's effectively a 'screen' too, and those haven't been studied.

So it's a bit more nuanced than just 'screens are bad.'

Mainly though, don't beat yourself up - we all do what we need to to get through the day, and that sometimes means bring on the screens!

Once you've got past the PFB stage life gets much easier.

My baby is only 11 months but we didn't want much screen time. When she was a newborn and couldn't look at the TV/was always asleep/breastfeeding I'd watch it for sure. Then when she became more aware I'd only put it on when she's feeding so facing me as breastfeeding then when it became a distraction it could only go on once she was asleep.

I've never put cbeebies on as I don't think there's any benefit for her age really like educational wise, no small screens but of course she's looked at my phone when I've been on it if I'd needed to do something. I have recently sometimes put the TV on in the background things like the gruffolo, snowman etc they are 20 ISH mins and not more than one a day and actually she never really looks at the TV so they are more for me haha. She'll just continue moving round the room, playing with toys as usual

At other people's it's the same never really looks at the TV so I wouldn't worry for now. Personally I'll aim to keep it off as much as possible and especially at meal times/small screens but play it by ear

Screens become an issue when children are more used to ipads and phones than books and toys. A little bit of Cbeebies on the TV whilst you're busy making dinner is fine.

I wanted this too. Until i had a car screamer and a very hyper active toddler. I cannot do anything - and I mean nothing - independently without a screen to distract her. She only has about 20 mins a day but in those 20 mins I do the laundry, put my make up on and answer emails.

Screens are a parenting tool, like a lot of controversial things. Use it to your advantage. Thinking your baby isn't going to come crawling over out of curiosity every time you pull your phone out (ooo pretty lights!) is unrealistic. We allow our daughter very limited screen time and she's developing beautifully and we're actually getting stuff done! It's a win-win.

Good luck.

You're right in that under twos don't need screen time. Especially tablets. Can't stand 1 year olds staring at iPads watching stupid videos.

TV is not so bad though. Especially if it's intentional, as in you out something specific on for a short amount of time whilst you get other things done. Not all children are interested in it until they're 2/3 anyway.

I would suggest that you're taking it a bit to far/literally by your concern at what to do in other people's homes. That really doesn't matter. And it's far more valuable for your kids to interact with others, visit others, see their mothers have friendships etc, than to be jeopardising that over the sake of a bit of TV.

We don't have a tv in our house and my older child sometimes realises this when we go to other people homes. It's really not hard to explain 'yeah it's nice to watch cartoons at grandmas house, such a treat'. And then they move on.

You're being unnecessarily anxious. The tv being on when you're at a friends house really doesn't matter. Nor does a bit of screen time. We aren't big tv watchers and don't have an ipad so our daughter didn't really watch any until 18 months. Since then on a weekend she will occasionally watch 10 mins of something but she has to sit down and watch, we don't have it on in the background. It goes on, she watches a programme, and it goes off. Most days of the week she doesn't watch any but because we're busy doing other things, not because I think she shouldn't. I personally think some access and learning moderation is a good thing and there are some nice age appropriate shows for them to watch on bbc. We don't use youtube at all, I don't want to encourage the endless scrolling/watching. I wouldn't ever comment on what was happening in someone else's house though! Their house their rules!

To be honest, I think I am definitely overthinking going to people’s houses, as a little screentime may not do any harm! But I think I’m worried that once she starts watching TV, she will cry if she doesn’t have it

That wouldn't be an issue for a lot of the time she's under 2 anyway. A 12 month old who sees the tv on at someone else's house isn't going to demand it at home. And even young children are pretty good at differentiating between rules at different houses. If your tv never goes on, I bet she wouldn't be fussed at home.

I wouldn't be so strict about screen time when tiny though. Not baby tv, but tv for you. I'd have gone a bit mad without box sets to watch while do long breastfeeding sessions followed by a baby sleeping on me. But maybe that's not what you meant? Obviously it was just on in the same room, the baby wasn't really even aware of it.

But I think I’m worried that once she starts watching TV, she will cry if she doesn’t have it

This has never been a problem for us, and DD1 is now three so prime demanding age! She just accepts that TV happens at other people's houses. To be honest, when she's seen it, she's not been that interested, which surprised me.

OP I think and I mean this very very kindly at this stage you have no idea of what your baby's personality will be. I didn't expect my second child to be autistic (and I don't think my relaxing with box sets when he was born caused it lol)and looking at research for NT children and basing my parenting on this wouldn't have been much good to me. I go to parenting groups where we all have autistic children and many children have other complex issues and you should hear the laughter in the room when anyone mentions "the latest research". Children are all totally different and you need to treat them all as individuals. Many parents in our group found that their non verbal children only started speaking or saw massive improvements in speech when screens were introduced. You might have a phase where your child goes through a bad phase of sickness and you end up spending longer than usual indoors on the couch. Or your child might spend a bit of time in hospital. As a parent situations crop up that are totally out of your control so I honestly think there is no point in setting up a rule that will probably cause you stress and upset if you can't always follow it through. Fair enough to limit screen time if that's what you want but making a big deal out of a complete ban will just set you up for unnecessary stress

Screens aren't the enemy, especially in moderation. I don't understand why it has to be one extreme of no screens at all or the other extreme of constant screens.

A balance is very possible. I certainly wouldn't be impressed if someone tried telling me I had to turn the TV off in my own house.

DS turned 1 at the start of the month and a balance has suited us so far, I don't see any need to ban it completely.

I think I’m worried that once she starts watching TV, she will cry if she doesn’t have it

Op
Your baby will cry for many things she cannot have at the moment
You distract and move on