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Original poster

DS2 punched someone.

103 replies

Mumof2NDers · 20/12/2023 18:55

DS2 is 16 and has ADHD. He is a black and white thinker. He hates what he perceives to be any form of injustice. A boy he knows made a shocking, cruel joke about DS1’s best friend who died in very tragic circumstances. DS1 saw red and punched him in the face. I had a long chat with him about it not being reasonable to solve things with his fists, one punch kills and the possibility of being spoken to by the police. He’s not sorry and doesn’t regret it at all. Not sure what else to do/say. He also got into trouble in college for threatening someone who had called an older student with autism a spastic. I’m really hoping he will learn to manage himself better as he matures but I do worry about repercussions or him getting into serious trouble. Aside from this he’s a caring and loving lad.

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Original poster
Mumof2NDers · 20/12/2023 22:07

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 20/12/2023 21:03

This.

This is so hard, you have to teach things that most kids pick up on their own automatically. You have to teach the skills that maturity would usually bring, because it won't necessarily for them. You have to support and care and manage far more than someone with an equivalent age NT child would. You have to find a way to teach and explain things so they can be taken in by a brain that thinks very differently to yours if your neurotypical. This is really hard stuff. You care and you are searching for solutions that professionals should have already given to you. You've got the groundwork there. It might not feel like it but you're doing the things you need to and you are doing good.

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Thank you. We weren’t given much help at all by CAMHS if I’m honest. After we decided to stop medication they discharged him. Even after a really bad MH episode and a suicide risk assessment in hospital they couldn’t offer much help. He’s just so impulsive. He said he didn’t really think about what he was doing, just reacted. I’ve had lots of really helpful advice on here and will be looking at where we go from here. He’s a fantastic lad, just very impulsive and reactive. He’s looking for a PT job at the moment and has said he’s giving me his first months wage so I can have one money worry free month. 😢

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Original poster
Mumof2NDers · 20/12/2023 22:09

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 20/12/2023 21:08

There is information online too about recognising emotions, the signs in his body. One of my boys finds emotion really overwhelming and shuts down or lashes out. He feels everything so much.

It might not be the answer for your DS but zones of regulation is used a lot where I live for kids with ADHD and Autistic kids, might be worth checking out. Good luck with it all.

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I’ll have a look at that. Thank you

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Mumof2NDers · 20/12/2023 22:12

QueenCamilla · 20/12/2023 21:49

Alternative point of view on fighting sports : it made my behaviour worse. With training I lost all the remaining inhibitions to hit/kick, I learned the moves and became very strong & supple, I was getting a lot of praise for what essentially was fighting and my anger/seeing red was rewarded by some amazing physical feats.
My number one reaction to conflict became physical when it hadn't been that way before. I kicked and punched a boy to the ground at school and there were other similar incidents of that ilk. Obviously, I always had a shiny good reason for my outbursts of violence...

I changed to a non-violent sport, then dancing and my fight mode switched to flight very soon with it.

I still enjoy physically taxing hobbies but I actively have to avoid aggressive competitive sports and aggressive, challenging people. I don't need anything or anyone bringing out my "red mist" side.

I wasn't diagnosed until my mid thirties but looking back, withdrawing from combat sports was one of the best decisions for my future. There are many more wholesome ways to get a physical challenge whilst not feeding the beast....

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Thank you for your reply. I hadn’t thought of it like that and it has definitely given me pause for thought. His dad used to fish and he has shown a bit of interest in that. That might be something they could do together.

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