Toddler pushes my dog

[Harrjenk]

Hi, I feel totally pathetic writing this post as I feel I should be able to sort it out myself but I’m totally stuck. My 2.5 yr old son, who is usually gentle and kind with people and animals, pushes and runs at my dog. He’s a rescue dog and he has learnt to hate this behavior from my toddler. He barks and shrinks away and runs away. My toddler loves this reaction and also any reaction from me and just keeps doing it. He often does it when we are out for a walk and I stop to talk to someone or take my eyes off the pair of them. The dog is on a lead and so can’t get away. I’m scared my toddler is going to get bitten as I really couldn’t blame the dog for that given what he has to put up with and I’m at my wits end of saying “No” and “stop” to my toddler. It’s not always possible to redirect his attention or remove him from the situation. I’m finding it unsustainable trying to separate them, I’m at home on my own with the two of them.

if I Google it, the answers are so generic like “just say No and remove your child” but I’ve been doing that for months now. Usually when I ignore the bad behavior it improves on its own with my son but it doesn’t seem safe to ignore this. Help!!!

if you cant keep them seperated then you need to rehome the dog its the best option for the dog

Is he able to understand that if he doesn't stop pushing the dog then the dog will have to go and live at another house and he won't be able to see him any more? If so you could try telling him that.

If you stop to talk to someone when you're out then you need to hold on to him or not stop to talk, just say hi and keep going.

You need to keep them separate. At all times. Or be physically between them. At that age, we had a fence across the kitchen, so our dog could be in one half and DS in the other. I never went to the loo alone during the day - one or the other came with me. I sat on the floor between them while DS played. We had a permanent baby gate on the kitchen door so dog could be in there and we could be in the living room, but he could still hang out with us. And dog had his crate which was his absolutely sacred safe space.

It wasn’t easy, it was hard work - but it kept everyone safe and happy. The dog we had then is gone now, bless him, due to old age. But we have another dog and DS, who is now nearly 8, adores him and is very good with him. So it paid off.

However you have to take control of the situation. You cannot afford to be passive about this, for everyone’s safety. If you stop to chat, you need to have hold of the child as well as the dog, or put him into the pushchair for a moment if you’re still using one. He probably won’t like this. Tough. You are the parent and you are doing it for his safety.

It gets better op, but you have to be on it at this stage.

@itsmyp4rty ive tried this but I think he’s probably too young to understand a longer term consequence like that unfortunately

This is a good approach so I am told. It is quite long and goes on about babies for a long time but there is a section later on called "What do I do if my toddler is already magnetized to the dog??" It is worth reading the whole article from the start though. You can probably skip the parts about how to handle a baby's first meeting with the dog etc.

Ultimately yes unfortunately this is the kind of situation that leads to dog bites so you can't ignore it.

https://babysafedogtraining.com/mamas-dont-let-your-babies-get-magnetized-to-dogs/

@Spudlet thank you, that is a very constructive and helpful reply. I think you’re right that I needed a nudge to take it seriously, I have always quietly hoped it would blow over but it’s been going on a while now. One thing I’ve realized as a parent is that I am not good at firm but calm boundaries and I’m working on this. I either capitulate too soon with my son or lose my cool too quickly. Im trying to look this problem in the eye and work on it.

With your toddler and dog, how did it work for walks? Did you always put your toddler in the pram? My son loves to walk and often walks really nicely holding the dog’s lead- the pushing and shoving seemingly comes out of nowhere and I’m not always sure of the cues. Do i stop letting him have any contact with the dog even when it’s gentle? Its interesting as with other dogs (for example my mum’s) he’s so gentle but I’m sure it’s because she doesn’t react so there’s nothing to gain in his eyes from being rough with her. He finds the reaction he gets from our dog hysterical.

If the dog ends up biting him then you'll have to have the dog put down so I would rehome the dog. Especially since he's a rescue dog, poor thing.

I don't think telling him that if he doesn't stop then the dog will have to live elsewhere will be of any use as he doesn't seem to care about the dog and enjoys a reaction.
Aside from saying no/stop, what consequences is he getting? He's old enough for an age-appropriate consequence.

"It’s not always possible to redirect his attention or remove him from the situation."
You have to make it possible. If he was sticking his fingers into a plug, or playing with matches, you'd make it possible to remove him. Allowing him to goad a dog is just as likely to end in harm.

Your dog is a rescue so he's already had an unsettled past. Don't let him head towards being rehomed. Keep your son separate until you can address the behaviour.

👏

I’m shocked by this!

you allow your child to run at and run into your dog?? And the dog is scared! I can’t believe what I’m reading.

stop with your “age appropriate clam stop, no’s” and next time your son does this absolutely let rip at him! Make him know in no uncertain terms that he is in trouble. Shout, raise your voice, look angry. He needs to know this is abusive to your dog and is totally unacceptable!

if out, angrily tell him off and immediately take him home. If at home, immediate bollocking and time out.

you are being far to soft and not putting in clear expectations of behaviour. Grow a backbone and protect your dog, and in turn your son

and to add, no he doesn’t get to walk the dog and hold the lead. That’s the consequence of being horrible to the dog.

maybe he doesn’t do it at your mums as she has firmer boundaries and means what she says, therefore knows intrinsically not to try it

@HoHoHoliday what kind of consequence would you suggest? So for example if he’s watching tv I will say that there will be no more tv if he upsets the dog. Or if we are out then I will say if he hurts the dog we will go straight home. I know the consequence is supposed to be related to the action but not sure what that would be in this case. Does that sound like the kind of consequences that are correct to use?

when I say I can’t always remove him- my son can be quite physical and strong (like if I pick him up he will kick and scream and then run back to the dog) - so I do always remove him and have been doing so for months but now he can open doors and stair gates etc he will sometimes be super focused on getting back to the dog. So I guess I’m saying it doesn’t feel like the right solution as we’re not moving forward with it- I just end doing it over and over with him to keep him away and I’m not sure if that is right. It feels unpleasant and not very constructive.

A sharp and disgruntled 'no' to your son. He needs to know what 'no' means.

Would you let him touch an iron or stick his fingers in a plug socket.

At 2.5 he should understand that word.

@Temporaryname158 it’s defo not to do with my mum as she struggles same as me to keep him away from my dog. He’s just much gentler with her dog at all times, as she just lies back and enjoys being stroked. We also go to petting zoos and we keep chickens and again he is calm and gentle. I am aware though as I said in another answer that I need to work on being really firm without being cross, I really struggle with this particular thing in this instance as it’s so mind numblingly repetitive!

@BertieBotts thanks, will give it a read

@Temporaryname158 sorry saw you posted twice. In repose to your first one, I’m not going to “let rip” at him, I don’t find it constructive. There must be a more constructive way which is what I came here for.

Be cross. In life if he hurts people they will get angry at him. Why should the dog get hurt and everyone remain calm

hes watching tv and hurts the dog, turn it off immediately and for the rest of the day

eating a treat and does it, treat is taken away and not returned

out and about, go home where he has to sit on the naughty step.

on a walk and unable to go home, tell him you are putting him in the buggy like a baby as he can’t behave like a big boy and immediately put him in and keep him in

he has to know it isn’t ok.

also why on Earth are you letting him hit you, or escape back to the dog. You are the adult here! Behave like one and take control. My son hit me once. He’s never done it again as he got the telling off of his life. He knew he had overstepped the mark. I’m glad I was firm as a toddler as he’s 150cm at 8 years old and strong as an ox now. If he thought he could do as he liked he’d really hurt people. You need to ensure it’s you in charge and not him

Please, please rehome your dog, the fact your child gets glee from hurting and frightening your dog is horrific. Also the fact you refuse to lift him away because he kicks and screams or give him a sharp and disgruntled no when he does this shows who is in charge. It’s animal abuse at the end of the day, the dog must be terrified seeing your son coming. The kindest thing would be to rehome.

And as for being ‘constructive’ quite obviously you have been completely un constructive in your parenting so far based on the behaviour you describe so I’d suggest giving it a try.

He’s only 2 so put physical barriers in place.

He’s still too young to grasp actions and consequences when it comes to dangerous situations.

Separate dog and child at home- use a stair gate to keep dog in a separate room.

Dont allow your son to hold the lead and walk the dog. He’s too young.

So less talking/ explaining and more actively keeping them apart.

He will grow out of this- it’s just a phase x

Yes I agree with this. If he can open stair gates have you looked at dog gates? They are higher so he may not be able to reach to open them.

Then keep him and the dog separate. You could maybe even try telling him that if he hurts/scares the dog then the dog goes out of the room.

Continue to model and reward appropriate behaviour from him to the dog.

It will pass once he grows up a bit. You just need to keep everyone safe in the meantime.

The trouble is, he has no respect for you or your discipline methods. He opens doors and stair gates? Put a lock on them. He pushes the dog when you’re not looking in the park? Then he goes straight in the pram, or you have him on reins so he can’t get at the dog when you’re not concentrating. And to be frank, you mustn’t stop and chat with people if your child needs watching like a hawk (and it sounds like he does).

Some posters do think that getting angry and shouting at a child will scare them into behaving. It doesn’t. I’ve no problem with a raised voice if it’s effective but it just isn’t. Many toddlers will just enjoy the ‘game.’

Likewise, many consequences are meaningless. Two and a half is a tricky age. Mines three next week and I would say only in the last two months have I been able to use ‘if you do X then Y will happen’ to any effect.

Absolutely keep everyone safe but it isn’t a failing on your part @Harrjenk . Toddlers can be unpredictable, as can dogs unfortunately.

@Eveningintheafternoon thank you. I agree that screaming at your child to scare them doesn’t work, if anything it defeats the point as he just cries and is scared and doesn’t learn anything from it. It’s clear I need to be more strict about keeping them apart physically with barriers so I will do that and hopefully it will give him the time to grow up to a point where he can understand

Yes he cries as it’s not nice to be shouted at, so he doesn’t do it again. So he also feels scared does he? You mean just like your dog every time your son abuses him?

you don’t have to follow my advice but you do need to get serious about discipline