Toddler pushes my dog

[Harrjenk]

Hi, I feel totally pathetic writing this post as I feel I should be able to sort it out myself but I’m totally stuck. My 2.5 yr old son, who is usually gentle and kind with people and animals, pushes and runs at my dog. He’s a rescue dog and he has learnt to hate this behavior from my toddler. He barks and shrinks away and runs away. My toddler loves this reaction and also any reaction from me and just keeps doing it. He often does it when we are out for a walk and I stop to talk to someone or take my eyes off the pair of them. The dog is on a lead and so can’t get away. I’m scared my toddler is going to get bitten as I really couldn’t blame the dog for that given what he has to put up with and I’m at my wits end of saying “No” and “stop” to my toddler. It’s not always possible to redirect his attention or remove him from the situation. I’m finding it unsustainable trying to separate them, I’m at home on my own with the two of them.

if I Google it, the answers are so generic like “just say No and remove your child” but I’ve been doing that for months now. Usually when I ignore the bad behavior it improves on its own with my son but it doesn’t seem safe to ignore this. Help!!!

Just in case anyone is interested or is in the same position, we’ve followed some of the advice on here and have had some big success. We made it really clear that my son was never to touch the dog in the house, and that the time to play with him was outside when he was off the lead. For the first few days i kept them completely separate unless in the garden. I think it’s really helped having a positive outlet for them both in the garden as my son really looks forward to his playtime with him now. It’s been much easier than I thought and hopefully it will last. I just needed to make a focused plan and stick to it so everyone was clear. My husband is also banned from rough housing with the dog when my son is around so he doesn’t model his Daddy’s behavior.

Huge congratulations OP! That is amazing news, I’m very pleased for you that you managed to find techniques that worked. It takes an enormous amount of patience and perseverance to changes a child’s established behaviour pattern so you and your DH should be very proud of yourselves!

Yeah great to hear you’ve put some real time and effort into changing the situation. it sounds as though your efforts have really paid off. 😊

Lots of constructive advice re your DC.

I'm going to stick up for the dog. I volunteer (foster) for a rescue and this is precisely why we don't rehomed to people with young children.

Let me be very clear here - if this continues your dog will bite your child. It's very probably near the end of its tether.

You need to reframe your thought process to advocating for the dog. You are very lucky there has been no bite yet. Some dogs are saints but they all have a point where if you ignore what they are trying to tell you they will go up the scale of behaviours and the final one is a bite.

At toddler height that probably going to be their face. How will you feel when that happens.

This is serious. Dog and child need to be kept fully apart.

This isn't a managing a wayward toddler situation through whatever technique you decide on.

This is putting both dog and child in a totally unacceptable and dangerous position.

Where is this going? Dog bites toddler, leaves scars or worse. Dog put to sleep.

That's where is going. Stop navel gazing and separate them.

Put your DC in walking reins and keep him on a tight rein. Your poor dog. You need to keep them separate when at home and tell your son the dog wants to be alone because he is mean to it. Make he see a consequence to his behaviour. Tell him he's in reins because he's nasty to the dog. The poor dog has done nothing wrong and sounds terrified of your son who abused it. You must protect your dog.

Telling your DC he is kind at the point he abused your dog is ridiculous. He is being the opposite of kind. If you do this you will be teaching your DC pushing the dog is 'kind'.

Fantastic update well done OP 👏

Just seen update. Well done.

That's not what the advice is, though. The advice is for the parent to be calm and kind towards the child while enforcing the new boundary (the dog is not available), rather than not enforcing a boundary but instead getting very angry and shouting in response to toddler being rough with dog, which just turns it into a battle (and a stressful experience for the dog, too).

Great update OP, glad that it was helpful!