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Original poster

10 year old saw inappropriate photo of dad

79 replies

Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:25

Yesterday DH had sent a photo of his penis, it was flaccid ...I know this is still bad but I feel it's worth mentioning.

This morning I was making breakfast and DS went onto my phone, without asking and saw the photo...nonidea why he'd gone on to my WhatsApp messages!!

I feel terrible, panicked and don't know what to do...he's 10 and he came in to me clearly quite confused and distressed...all I could say was it was private and he shouldn't have seen it but also shouldn't go through a grown ups messages .

What do I do, I've really messed up and don't know how to fix it! Is he going to be traumatised? He's seen DH naked but of course this is different because it's a photo sent to me!! I obviously should have deleted it or had a pin on WhatsApp but just arghh 😭😭😭

Any advice on what to do ? I can't stop thinking about it and feel really stressed!!!

Name changed as I don't want this linked with other posts 😫

OP posts:
Santaiswashinghissleigh · 08/12/2023 09:26

He saw a penis.. I wouldn't be too worried.. A chance to discuss how nobody should be sending such pics and df was pretty dumb..

Needmorelego · 08/12/2023 09:28

I'm quite surprised if a 10 year old lad hasn't seen his Dad's willy before.
Odd.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 08/12/2023 09:28

I don’t think you need to do anything? I doubt very much he’ll be traumatised by a single photo of a flaccid willy that wasn’t shown directly to him. Does he even know it was his dad’s?

although I would be very 🤮🤢 at receiving dick pics from my H I’ve seen it often enough to not need a bloody photo of it

smilesup · 08/12/2023 09:29

Urghhhhhhhh poor DS. If DH sent me a dick pic I would be turned off forever. You have also normalised this as a thing.

I would tell him that it was for medical reasons.

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 08/12/2023 09:30

I think it's an appropriate time to talk about sending photos.

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 08/12/2023 09:32

Could you say your dh was checking something medically and needed your opinion? Good chance to explain the importance of checking for lumps etc too

And for dh, I'd insist that if I really had to receive a dick pic could it atleast be hard 😅

ElAmerico · 08/12/2023 09:33

Yeah you need to explain rules and boundaries around sending pics of genitals and that its illegal for children etc so he doesnt think its the done thing.
Dont boys get taught how to pee from their dad, go to urinals together.. he must have seen his dads willy already so talk about sharing photos and privacy.

Haggisfish3 · 08/12/2023 09:34

I’d say it would be a good opportunity to talk about how grown ups sometimes send photos to each other that they don’t want anyone else to see. But that children don’t do the same thing. It’s a penis, not hard core porn!

mambojambodothetango · 08/12/2023 09:35

It's a great opportunity to talk about not sending inappropriate photos - with both DS and DH. Perhaps your DH could lead the conversation with your DS?

Also, it might teach your DS not to look at other peoples phones?

Cloudisi · 08/12/2023 09:35

  1. surely he's seen it before?

  2. I would have said dad was sending me a pic as he thinks he might need to go to the doctor about something on his penis 🤷🏻‍♂️

NotExactlySuits · 08/12/2023 09:36

If DH sent me a dick pic I would be turned off forever

💯

asplashofmilk · 08/12/2023 09:36

Whatever you tell him now, in a few years' time it'll "click" and he'll learn, as we all do, that our parents have their own intimate lives.

Also mumsnet is so funny about intimate photos... it doesn't have to be for you but it's perfectly normal and healthy for many, many couples especially those who grew up digitally.

Superscientist · 08/12/2023 09:36

Kids get hold of phones. They are very adept at finding photos and anything they shouldn't have. Any parent should know this and not send messages of genitals to another parents.

I appreciate this is a personal question and you don't have to answer but was the photo a welcomed message or was it unsolicited? If you did want it great but I'd you didn't husband or not unsolicited "dickpics" are not cool and shouldn't be sent with or without the risk of a child seeing them. It a lot of cases it's a power play. I would be furious and would make known to my partner that yes the photo shouldn't have been seen by child but more importantly shouldn't have been sent or indeed taken in the first place.

urrrgh46 · 08/12/2023 09:37

You and your ds are being completely over dramatic. Just say DH thought he saw something on his penis and sent you a photo because he knew you were busy at the time and couldn't come and see in person. The penis was flaccid so this is a completely plausible explanation. If there was something written that makes the picture more "incriminating" then you may have to come up with something else or be frank about sexting etc. He's 10 - not a baby.

FartSock5000 · 08/12/2023 09:37

@Whatdoido1987 calm down. Its just a penis. Your son even has one.

You tell your son never to sneak onto your phone again and not to invade your privacy by snooping through your messages and that is it.

No other action required.

asplashofmilk · 08/12/2023 09:37

@mambojambodothetango there's nothing inappropriate about consenting adults sharing intimate photos so that's not the right lesson here.

Cloudisi · 08/12/2023 09:38

Haven't you got a passcode to lock your phone? In future, you can save any photos you want to s different locked folder.

WandaWonder · 08/12/2023 09:39

NotExactlySuits · 08/12/2023 09:36

If DH sent me a dick pic I would be turned off forever

💯

1000000000000% yes

Actually thinking of soemthing for tea total opposite

It's happened now but seriously? I guess if it works for you

Original poster
Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:41

We have shared photos before, we're in a committed relationship and I know it's not to everybody's tastes but regardless of this the issue is making my child feel better, I don't want him to feel traumatised by it. Of course he has seen it before, they live in the same house but he wouldn't have expected to see a photo sent to me that's all...his reaction was one of upset and confusion 😫

OP posts:
Greycottage · 08/12/2023 09:42

I would get your husband to think of an age-appropriate explanation why he did it, and talk to your son.

2fast2upset · 08/12/2023 09:43

What was the context around the messages? Unless he’s also read some sexting, which would be a bigger problem.

Is it bad that I would have personally said that dad needed the doctor to take a look at his penis and you were having a look? Can you backtrack with this?

I don’t habitually lie to my children and maintain an open household- but is your dad sending flaccid penis pictures really the opportunity where you want to talk about nudes and the legality of such?

Original poster
Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:44

Yes theres a pass code, usually I'd have deleted such photos but on this occasion I hadn't and unfortunately it's been seen....I didn't know he was going on my phone, let alone whatsapp (no reason to go on there) usually there'd be no reason for him not to be able to use it though

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:44

No there was no texting with it...that picture and then another picture underneath of a screenshot to do with a delivery that's coming x

OP posts:
Pinkpinkpink15 · 08/12/2023 09:45

Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:41

We have shared photos before, we're in a committed relationship and I know it's not to everybody's tastes but regardless of this the issue is making my child feel better, I don't want him to feel traumatised by it. Of course he has seen it before, they live in the same house but he wouldn't have expected to see a photo sent to me that's all...his reaction was one of upset and confusion 😫

@Whatdoido1987

youre being overly dramatic, so is he.

maybe he'll learn not to snoop, then he wouldn't be surprised to see things that weren't intended for him!

tell him as much. Don't prattle on about Dad having an issue with his penis. Don't make it about his Dad or you, but about HIS behaviour. He's 10, he knows better.

BoohooWoohoo · 08/12/2023 09:45

You need a passcode on your phone- if your son knows it, then time to change.

If he was on your phone with permission then you need to explain that messages on other people’s phones are out of bounds and he should only use the apps that he has permission for.