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Original poster

10 year old saw inappropriate photo of dad

79 replies

Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:25

Yesterday DH had sent a photo of his penis, it was flaccid ...I know this is still bad but I feel it's worth mentioning.

This morning I was making breakfast and DS went onto my phone, without asking and saw the photo...nonidea why he'd gone on to my WhatsApp messages!!

I feel terrible, panicked and don't know what to do...he's 10 and he came in to me clearly quite confused and distressed...all I could say was it was private and he shouldn't have seen it but also shouldn't go through a grown ups messages .

What do I do, I've really messed up and don't know how to fix it! Is he going to be traumatised? He's seen DH naked but of course this is different because it's a photo sent to me!! I obviously should have deleted it or had a pin on WhatsApp but just arghh 😭😭😭

Any advice on what to do ? I can't stop thinking about it and feel really stressed!!!

Name changed as I don't want this linked with other posts 😫

OP posts:
CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 08/12/2023 09:45

At 10 he's definitely old enough to be firmly told that he doesn't go onto your phone, and certainly not into your messages, without permission.

As for the picture, I guess I'd go with PP's suggestion that it was for a medical reason maybe. I don't think the truth is helpful here.

Greycottage · 08/12/2023 09:46

Your reaction will dictate your childs reaction.

You could have just laughed this off and say, “oh, your dad was being so silly and sent me a photo to make me laugh. Sometimes when grown ups love each other like your father and I do, they do silly things like that. I don’t know why he thought I’d want to see his willy.” Laugh, roll your eyes, etc.

Then give the disclaimer that under 18s should never send or take intimate photos because it’s illegal.

I wonder how you reacted to make your son upset. It’s just a willy.

Anoisagusaris · 08/12/2023 09:46

Who the fuck wants a picture of a flaccid penis?? Or any picture in fact.

Newnamesameoldlurker · 08/12/2023 09:47

I like the suggestion of medical reason- in your shoes I wouldn't take responsibility for this though, hand it over to your DH to sit down with your son and discuss it! As he was the one who created the situation

00100001 · 08/12/2023 09:47

Maybe have a think about not fucking sending each other pictures of genitals? It's grim and there's no need - you're helping normalise the sending of dick picks across SM and messaging accounts.

00100001 · 08/12/2023 09:48

Greycottage · 08/12/2023 09:46

Your reaction will dictate your childs reaction.

You could have just laughed this off and say, “oh, your dad was being so silly and sent me a photo to make me laugh. Sometimes when grown ups love each other like your father and I do, they do silly things like that. I don’t know why he thought I’d want to see his willy.” Laugh, roll your eyes, etc.

Then give the disclaimer that under 18s should never send or take intimate photos because it’s illegal.

I wonder how you reacted to make your son upset. It’s just a willy.

or just say - nobody should be sending dick pics.... ??

TeacherPlease · 08/12/2023 09:49

I’d use it at a teaching moment.

Sometimes people in love send pictures of all parts of themselves to each other, and it’s really important that you only do it when both people love each other and are happy to send and receive photos… as he’s seen it’s really not nice to see it when you didn’t want to - like he has!

In a few years he’ll need to be equipped to deal with scenarios involved sending explicit pictures and this seems like a great opportunity to instil the right attitude in a way that has come up naturally and he can tie to an emotional response to help build his empathy in future.

Original poster
Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:49

This is sort of what I said, when he first told me he'd seen it I said his dad was just being silly and then explained he shouldn't be looking through my messages - his response was 'Dad's a wierdo' . Fair enough comment, that was the end of the discussion but it was obviously still on his mind as he was very quiet and grumpy walking to school

OP posts:
TeacherPlease · 08/12/2023 09:50

Anoisagusaris · 08/12/2023 09:46

Who the fuck wants a picture of a flaccid penis?? Or any picture in fact.

Well the OP has said her and her partner do this - so how about we don’t judge what consenting adults want to do?!

Stresa22 · 08/12/2023 09:50

Tell the poor kid that sometimes grownups are gross and irresponsible, then take him for pizza.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/12/2023 09:51

Then give the disclaimer that under 18s should never send or take intimate photos because it’s illegal.

To a 10 year old? Who is probably not going to comprehend what this really means. A 10 year old hears "illegal" and that means bad. So what his dad did is bad. The poor kid is already upset because he just doesn't understand why anyone would do this.

What a mess.

TeacherPlease · 08/12/2023 09:51

00100001 · 08/12/2023 09:48

or just say - nobody should be sending dick pics.... ??

Show quote history

Why not? Absolutely no reason that consenting adults shouldn’t share “dick pics” (although as OP has learnt, sufficient password protection is key!). The porn industry makes a roaring trade in sharing naked pictures and videos - equally fine to do this between consenting adults if that’s what they choose to do.

Whattodo112222 · 08/12/2023 09:53

I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it, but what I would do is apologise to him.
It is quite irresponsible of you to have not deleted it and kept it on your phone knowing you're around your kid.

And also.. why is he sending a picture of a flaccid penis as opposed to an erect one. That's just weird and odd.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/12/2023 09:55

And also.. why is he sending a picture of a flaccid penis as opposed to an erect one. That's just weird and odd.

In this particular case, that's the only saving grace.

Needmorelego · 08/12/2023 09:56

He's probably forgotten about it by now. He's 10. He's got more important things think about like football, Minecraft and farts.

Original poster
Whatdoido1987 · 08/12/2023 09:57

This is exactly my thoughts, what a mess. We have blocks on the Internet to stop them seeing anything inappropriate, don't let them watch age inappropriate films but now they've seen that adults send pictures of their genitals and I can totally understand the disgust ans confusion.

I feel like I haven't dealt with it very well, or explained anything very well apart from saying don't look at my messages and dad is silly...it was the shock at the time....

Hence why I'm on here for advice, just feel so guilty but there's been some good advice on here so will have a chat later on x

OP posts:
lemmein · 08/12/2023 09:57

Id laugh it off and say his dads an idiot! You'll both be the talk of the playground today 🙈

Dancingonaslice · 08/12/2023 09:58

TeacherPlease · 08/12/2023 09:49

I’d use it at a teaching moment.

Sometimes people in love send pictures of all parts of themselves to each other, and it’s really important that you only do it when both people love each other and are happy to send and receive photos… as he’s seen it’s really not nice to see it when you didn’t want to - like he has!

In a few years he’ll need to be equipped to deal with scenarios involved sending explicit pictures and this seems like a great opportunity to instil the right attitude in a way that has come up naturally and he can tie to an emotional response to help build his empathy in future.

That just normalises sending genital photos which is a terrible thing to do to a child who is on the brink of tweenage years.

Saying it’s ok cos mummy and daddy love each other is insane. So when he’s 12/14/16 and a girl at school says she loves him he thinks it’s ok to send her a photo of his willy and ends up with a police record.

Kangaboo · 08/12/2023 10:00

Tell him it was a picture of a naked mole rat!

Other than health concerns I just can’t get my head around why anyone would want to share an unappealing picture of their body anyway?

lemmein · 08/12/2023 10:00

Kangaboo · 08/12/2023 10:00

Tell him it was a picture of a naked mole rat!

Other than health concerns I just can’t get my head around why anyone would want to share an unappealing picture of their body anyway?

Grin
MuttsNutts · 08/12/2023 10:01

My concern would not be that he saw his Dad’s penis but that he now thinks this is a normal everyday thing to do and if the opportunity arose that he might think it’s fine to send a picture of his penis to someone.

Grown adults can do what they want (though a photo of someone’s flacid penis is the very last thing I’d want in my inbox) but I think this needs to prompt a talk with DS about his phone/online activity. Hopefully you will already have had discussions surrounding this but I imagine him now knowing his Dad sends dick pics to his Mum could be pretty confusing for him.

He is at an impressionable age when he and his friends will be starting to talk about sex and they are using their phones to explore the world and experiment so you need to treat this seriously.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 08/12/2023 10:01

Too late now but I'd have said 'oh he was worried he thought it looked like he had a rash' or something like that. Maybe I'd be in the wrong to lie though, I normally try and be straightforward with the kids! That's a tricky one OP, I feel for you.
Maybe an honest 'grown ups in relationships see each other naked and that's normal, but it's always a bad idea to send pictures of your body to anyone even someone you love' just as he's so young to be thinking that might be ok!

Whattodo112222 · 08/12/2023 10:04

Just apologise to him OP. Acknowledge how you and his father may have made him feel.

You don't need to say crap about mummy and daddy loving each other etc. Don't normalise swapping naked photos in anyway to a ten year old.

Apologise. Tell him he shouldn't have seen what he saw and you acknowledge how he may have felt. It won't happen again and if he's ever in the same position himself personally then to come to you and speak to you about it.

The last thing you want is for him to be swapping his own photos and saying mum and dad do it so it's fine.

Spinet · 08/12/2023 10:05

I just don't think this is that big a deal unless you make it one. He needs to not look at your phone without permission. At least it was a flaccid cock and not an -ahem- turgid one. Or was it and that's why you're so worried?

Even if it was, although it's not ideal it's just two adults messing about in a loving way. Some day he will come across porn on the internet so I'm some ways it's better that you can have a quick chat about it in a controlled environment. If you can just bring it up casually and ask if he's all right, explain it was something he wasn't supposed to see that was private and that you'll have to remind dad that phones are not private, silly man, I don't see that it will damage him forever.

FriedOkra · 08/12/2023 10:05

Well the OP has said her and her partner do this - so how about we don’t judge what consenting adults want to do?!

They can do what they like, but I judge adults who aren’t careful enough to not expose their children to it. It’s not difficult to have passcodes on phones.