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Original poster

Friend who went through DV now faced with homelessness and losing her kids

323 replies

ConcernedCitizenUK · 04/12/2023 21:41

Hi everyone, I am supporting a friend who is really struggling and we don't know where to turn to for advice and support. Trying my luck here.

She went through an abusive marriage and has 2 small kids.

She left him and got a non molestation order on him and went to the police.

They had a council house but it was in his name, so she left and went to a council to declare homelessness.

Her previous council home was a nice 2 or 3 bedroom house but the council offered her a small council flat.

Unfortunately she received some really bad advice that she should be firm and refuse the property and the council will get her a bigger house.

She did that and the council banned her from being on the housing list and declared her "intentionally homeless".

She had a social worker to support her and also spoke to her local MP for help. But the MP seemed more interested in trying to take the children off her than help her (a tory MP).

The social worker organised hotels for a few weeks and tried to change the councils minds and then now have said they will no longer fund hotels and if she doesnt find housing by tomorrow they will take her kids and put them in foster care.

I have tried contacting journalists, womens aid charities like Refuge, Womens aid etc. They dont even respond.

Womens refuge charities will not help, since she is not in immediate danger, as she left her ex a while ago now.

I have no idea where left to turn to get her help. I am talking to all these people on her behalf and she is also talking to citizens advice etc and we cant find any help at all.

Any suggestions on what to do or who can help?

OP posts:
Changednayme · 04/12/2023 21:45

If this isn’t you and it’s really a friend is there any chance you can take them in. They lift the “intentionally homeless” thing after 6 months when she can apply to go on agajn

snuggleswithmygirlies · 04/12/2023 21:45

Can she rent privately?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/12/2023 21:49

You could ask MN to move this to Legal.

Octavia64 · 04/12/2023 21:49

Does she have parents or other relatives she can stay with?

Try spareroom.com

Does she have any income? If so then she is obviously in a better position.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 04/12/2023 21:55

This is absolutely terrifying - and should worry us all.

I’d start reaching out to strong feminist and socialist writers and serious journalists, not newspapers and media outlets who tend to be corrupt and write the story they want!

Things like this must be brought to light. Really praying you get a good outcome.

dancingdec · 04/12/2023 21:59

Awful. It's Ladybird Ladybird (Ken Loach film) all over again.

Startyabastard · 04/12/2023 21:59

This is so scary. I'm amazed the council won't give her another chance as she took the advice in good faith, clearly.
The GP can sometimes help with domestic abuse, as a last resort, I'd definitely turn to them.
I hope the poor woman gets help soon because this is definitely not good enough.

Namechangeforthis88 · 04/12/2023 21:59

Something doesn't ring true. The social worker works for the council. Why would the MP try to take her kids away? Very strange. I'd be a bit wary about campaigning on her behalf unless your certain you have all the facts.

Justkeepsplashing · 04/12/2023 22:01

I’m not sure where you are but many Local Authorities have different policies. Here, a person can have three refusals on social housing properties before being taken off the register. Are you sure they’ve told her she’s Intentionally Homeless - surely she’s fleeing DA and should be a priority? Can she contact Shelter for housing advice? As her children are small, can she request to be offered the flat again? Once she’s there, she can settle and build herself again and look at maybe a swap in time?

Do the LA know that her former partner is residing in the bigger property alone? Are you sure her name wasn’t on the tenancy? As a solicitor can apply for an Occupation Order if the court feels the home is more suited for mum and children.

You say Refuge and Women’s Aid aren’t answering but they have a 24 hour helpline, Live Fear Free, and will assess your friend for a refuge. It may mean she has to move away but she will be safe and the staff can support her to find alternative accommodation; she will be considered as “Homeless” after living in the refuge for 56 days and will move up the Banding system.

Another option is to find a private let. In our LA, they can pay up to 6 months’ rent advance and deposit to the landlord - this works out cheaper than accommodating a family in a B&B.

lilyfire · 04/12/2023 22:02

They can’t put her kids in foster care without her agreement or a court order. The court won’t make a care order just because she doesn’t have accommodation. If the council are really threatening this she should go on to the Law Society Find a Solicitor website and find a Children Panel solicitor and phone them first thing tomorrow for urgent help.

Original poster
ConcernedCitizenUK · 04/12/2023 22:16

Thanks for the replies so far. Will try to respond to them all in a single message. Am new to mumsnet so apologies if I dont get this right in terms of best way to reply.

She is on benefits, no income apart from benefits. She is trying to get a private rental but people dont accept benefits mostly and she is really struggling to find anywhere privately. There is also a benefits cap and rents are sky high and it needs to be large enough to house her and her two kids. She is looking for private properties but I think the cap is £800, a 2 bedroom house private is over a grand. People with one bredroom properties will not rent them to her. And most landlords simply dont want to rent to women on benefits with kids.

I cannot house her as I am not in a position to do that.

I personally contacted her MP and also Refuge and Womens aid. Refuges phoneline is unmanned. They left us waiting for an hour and then hung up. It was impossible to get anyone. Womens aid website says they no longer have a phoneline but to use the chat and email. The chat says its not available and womens aid gave no reply on email.

The MP was not the one who threatened to take the kids away, that was the social worker. But the MP spoke to both the council and the social worker, so they all had communication. I personally spoke to the MP (or his assistant who was dealing with the case). She seemed to be more interested in getting the kids taken away than helping with housing. She did not seem supportive at all. I still have the email back and forths I had with her. She also called and we spoke on the phone. I already have all the facts and have been trying to support this woman for a considerable length of time, and she was always sending me screenshots and pdfs of correspondence etc. I am 100% sure of all the facts and fully believe this woman needs support and that the system is massively failing her.

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 04/12/2023 22:18

Like a pp please contact the charity Shelter for support
I have referred people to them and they are really helpful

tattychicken · 04/12/2023 22:19

Changednayme · 04/12/2023 21:45

If this isn’t you and it’s really a friend is there any chance you can take them in. They lift the “intentionally homeless” thing after 6 months when she can apply to go on agajn

No they don't. This is not true.

Original poster
ConcernedCitizenUK · 04/12/2023 22:20

Regarding people refusing homes and still getting properties, that is if they are already council housing tenants and want to get a bigger house. If they are homeless they must accept the first property they are offered. If they refuse then they are classed as "intentionally homeless"

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 04/12/2023 22:22

@ConcernedCitizenUK surely they explained the rules around it to her beforehand though?

GuinnessBird · 04/12/2023 22:24

Sounds like your friend needs to accept the flat.

PepsiCoco · 04/12/2023 22:25

Get on to shelter. Go to your local women’s centre they have lots of advice.

Dartmoorcheffy · 04/12/2023 22:27

Why on earth did she turn down the flat ??

Octavia64 · 04/12/2023 22:30

If she has turned down state help and they have declared her intentionally homeless then she needs to look to her own networks,

You have said she can't get a private rental due to the kids and that she is on benefits.

Can she move back in with her parent(s) for a bit while she gets in her feet?

Siblings or other family members who might help?

Or a room in a shared house? Obviously not ideal but better than the streets.

WandaWonder · 04/12/2023 22:31

Some of these facts are not adding up, unless you live with them and see100% of it you cannot know all the facts

Original poster
ConcernedCitizenUK · 04/12/2023 22:33

The flat is no longer on offer now, she'd gladly take it if she could. She acknowledges that she made a mistake in turning it down, but she thought she could refuse it and get something better.

They did tell her what would happen if she refused it but family and friends gave her really bad advice that she should refuse it to get something better.

The flat wasn't suitable but obviously she knows now that you need to just take whatever you're offered but it's too late now.

But she needs a solution. She is where she is now and she doesn't deserve to be punished this much for a mistake

OP posts:
kiwimelonlime · 04/12/2023 22:35

DM refused the first House and was offered a second (bigger, nicer area) which she took. We were advised she had 3 chances with Housing association properties, if she turned down the first two she had to take the third or be off the list. Can I ask what area you're in OP? Maybe it's different for each borough?

KissyMissy · 04/12/2023 22:35

PepsiCoco · 04/12/2023 22:25

Get on to shelter. Go to your local women’s centre they have lots of advice.

This

Gymmum82 · 04/12/2023 22:36

So she has family and friends? She needs to stay with them until she has sorted herself a job and an income and then she can house herself more suitably

Dancingonaslice · 04/12/2023 22:36

Shelter the best bet for immediate advice

I know you said you aren’t in a position to take them in so who is? Even for a few nights of sofa surfing until they get sorted.

I don’t understand how a family with a SW supporting them did not get told very clearly it was accept the flat or nothing and are then being kicked out of emergency housing to be on the streets. How on earth can that be allowed to happen? They can’t remove her children surely? That’s insane.

Does she have any family at all?

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