Newborn advice - desperate and unhappy

[SophNx]

I wondered if anyone has any advice or help they can offer. My baby girl is 5 weeks. Since 1 week old we have not had one good day or happy moment. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but oh my gosh this is really something else.

First of all she is NEVER happy and just seems miserable 24/7. Also I know newborns cry but when awake all she does is cry. She can have a clean nappy, just woke up from a sleep and been fed and then still just cry on and off for hours. She sometimes is so inconsolable nothing I do stops her. She also can go 8/9+ hours without sleep. The most recent one she went 12 whole hours with one 20 min nap in between. Is this normal?? i try everything rocking, swinging you name it I’ve done it. She just sometimes does not want to sleep at all. I’ve read about wake windows etc there is no chance we could get her to sleep in such a short period of time.

She has a bit of reflux, sick occasionally after feeds but nothing major. She’s putting on weight. I’ve been to the GP who gave instant gaviscon and then went back again as no difference and another GP said she is just crying due to gas. We’ve changed her milk and we burp her constantly and give her gripe water. Nothing makes a difference.

Do I have a really hard work newborn and I have to just get on with it or is there something wrong. I am a FTM is it something I’m doing wrong?

my husband is really struggling too. In so much guilt his exact words to me last night was “i wish we never had her”. The worst thing is I kind of understand where he is coming from. She is an utter nightmare ( I feel so bad for saying it) but there is not one thing enjoyable about her.

Any help is appreciated.

she is probably exhausted - my almost 3 year old can’t do 12 hours with a 20min nap. I would suggest feed, clean nappy, pop in the pram or baby carrier and walk until asleep. The fresh air will do good.

you sound like you are having a hard time so deffo contact your midwife, health visitor and gp until someone helps

can you put her in a sling so she is held upright and close to your body. then walk until she sleeps. or have DH walk until she sleeps. and let her sleep close to you for as long as possible.

something like this is perfect
https://lovetobenatural.co.uk/boba-classic-wrap-navy-blue.html

carry her as much as possible but in the sling so your hands are free and she is held securely. some babies hate to lie down in a cold cot.

mine was like this - she barely slept in the first few weeks. but it will get better.

She could have silent reflux. Doesn't sound normal to me. Omeprazole is much better than gaviscon.

Omeprazole is supposed to be better for reflux than gaviscon, could be worth going back to the GP to ask to try that instead. Have you looked at CMPA symptoms to see if any of those fit? But mostly it sounds like she’s chronically overtired. Sounds like an oxymoron but with newborns sleep begets sleep and the more tired they are the harder they find it to nod off. 20 minutes sleep in 12 hours is what my almost 3YO who is on the verge of dropping his nap has, and that’s on top of a solid 12 hours at night. With a newborn you basically want to change their nappy, feed and burp them, then immediately start resettling again for the next nap. I know it sounds exhausting but fresh air was the best thing for mine, so I’d put them into the pram and go for a walk. You could also try the car. Or the bouncer. Or safely cosleeping with you. Whatever it takes!

Fresh air and walking with her upright are good suggestions. It will do you good too.

Agree with pp's it could be silent reflux and omeprazole is better than gaviscon. Can't really better the suggestions that have already been given. My dd was like this for the first 12 weeks, then it got a lot better. Hang on in there I promise it does get better op, ask the GP to try omeprazole, try everything you can for silent reflux and settling, and don't feel guilty it can be a hellish time. Make sure you're getting support from your midwife or health visitor for your own well being as well, I found it a really dark time, but it will get better as she grows. 12 weeks things started to improve, for a friend it was 16 weeks, I know it feels like forever away at the moment but in hindsight it was a small chunk of time that we got through in the newborn days. Take care of yourself

I had an utterly miserable first 4 and a half months due to severe silent reflux, mild physical reflux and multiple food allergies.
Ask about omperazole and cmpa

I also think potentially CMPA? or silent reflux? I don’t have a huge amount of experience with either but hopefully you get some answers

It’s not at all normal for such a young baby to be awake for such a long time.

She’s probably in pain. Keep pushing for answers. Reflux is possible but could also be something like CMPA?

I’m sorry you’re going through this hell.

Congratulations on your baby.

The first few months are such a hard time, emotionally, physically - everything has changed. The thing to remember is, it hasn't finished yet! The stages are short - babies change very fast and there is a good chance that in a month or 2 yours will be more settled, and you will feel completely differently about her.

My advice is to look after yourself as much as possible - accept any offers of help so you can be as rested and relaxed as possible. If you don't have anyone to help, remember that it's OK to put a clean, fed baby down safely (in a cot, on a towel on a clean floor, in a baby recliner, whatever) for a few minutes so that you can shower/ dress/ take a moment to clear your head. A brisk walk with her in the pram might help, or carrier as others have suggested, if she's better upright - and getting out regularly will definitely help you, even if you don't feel much like it.

Basically, the more human you can manage to feel, the better - all you need to do for now is survive and keep believing that better times are coming. Soon, you will start to have good moments, followed by good days, and you will look back on this time and realise that it's all changed.

Good luck 💐

Pooor you- no it's not normal to cry this much. Keep talking to gp and health visitor and use a tracking app like huckleberry to record sleeps and feeds etc. she sounds exhausted and you must be too xxx

Oh you poor thing -my first was like this and it was utter hell. I remember bursting into tears on the phone to my mother and saying 'he cries ALL the time'; she said, I'm sure he doesn't, no baby does. She then came to visit and said, "oh, you are right, he cries all the time". It is super tough if you have a baby that will not settle regardless of what you do - and all of mine (have four) had reflux too - so HUGE sympathies. And, it WILL get better, even though every day feels utterly relentless and draining right now.

I echo the sling - that helped. Also walks - even if the baby is screaming, it is good for you to get out and about. Go back to the GP and say the Gaviscon is useless. Also talk to your HV (if you have one). If you are bottle feeding, perhaps try a specialist formula for lactose intolerant babies...and if you have a local Home-Start, contact them and refer yourself. You would then have someone who, for two or so hours a week, can give your arms a break, and give you someone to talk to and offload too.

Five weeks is still so new and tiny and some babies are just overwhelmed by everything - swaddling is another idea. Are baths soothing? I sometimes found a warm bath helped my DS.

Really hope that she settles soon and that you can get some rest and start to feel more positive too.

She needs more sleep - she can't go 8/9 hours without sleep - the unhappiness is her telling you that she can't. Wrap her up, put her in a buggy or a sling and go for lots of big walks until she sleeps more.

This is not a suggestion just passing on what I did, I was out every day ateealst for a few hours in the morning, this meant there was routine and also less time to think

I picked what is wanted to achieve and my child came with me and I did it

But have you had medical help to rule out issues?

Could it be colic? Sounds like how our first born was, and it turned out they had colic. Infacol was a godsend.

You poor thing, some baby's are much harder to care for than others. I had one that cried excessively. They tend to get much better when they hit 16 weeks, but it's a rough ride. I found infacol helpful for mine. I cut out all dairy. I did baby massage 4 or 5 times a day which I also believe helped.

OP, I could have written your post 4 years ago. My baby was constantly upset and didn't sleep. I was told he was teething. I kept going back to my GP as I knew something was seriously wrong. All I was doing was giving paracetamol and nurofen constantly as advised by the GP for the 'teething'. I eventually asked my GP for a paediatrician referral as I couldn't cope with the constantly upset baby.

Turned out he had reflux driven by a severe diary allergy. GP was quick to dismiss me as an over anxious first time mother but he takes me a lot seriously now. My now 4 year old still can't tolerate any cow's milk.

Go back to your GP and insist on a plan. Maybe omeprazole for the reflux and if no improvement insist on trialling a diary free formula.

To offer you some hope, once my baby had been diary free for 2 weeks all the symptoms stopped. The reflux disappeared and he started sleeping. I didn't know myself. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

I would put money on her having a milk allergy OP

As you're seeing on this thread, what you're going through isn't unusual and it's perfectly understandable to wish you had never started all this; many of us have been there. Don't feel bad.

It's hellish for a while but I promise you, it does get better. Just remember that each day you get through takes you closer to better times.

I think sleep really is key here. Newborns need so, so much sleep. You need to find what works for that. My first would only sleep on me, in one specific position, with a dodi. My second would sleep in the pram but only with a muslin along the side of his face. And they both had reflux so one needed gaviscon and the other losec. They all have their quirks, you just need to find what suits.

Hang in there. We all survived it; you will too.

You poor thing, this sounds so tough.

Look up reflux/silent reflux/CMPA symptoms - any of them sound familiar? If it is reflux, omeprazole can work better as with my DS the Gaviscon just gave him further digestion issues. It certainly sounds like something underlying is going on, if she isn’t sleeping and is crying then she could be uncomfortable or in pain. I’d take her straight back to the GP and say Gaviscon isn’t working. Also speak to your health visitor as when I was struggling they also liaised with the GP for me.

She also sounds chronically overtired - have you tried swaddling and white noise? A sling? Or just walking in the pushchair in the fresh air.

Also try and make sure you get some rest yourself even if it means DH taking her out the house for an hour or something. The crying certainly takes a huge mental toll on you, I remember it all too well.

As awful as it seems right now, it will eventually pass I promise. The first few weeks are so so hard. But definitely push for further meds and an investigation into CMPA.

Oh OP, it's SO HARD. I think the advice about a sling (if you haven't tried it yet) is a good start- it was my saviour. I used to walk miles (winter baby, so was freezing- you can get really nice coats from seraphine that have an insert to go over the baby in the sling so they are all nice and warm against you). It helped mine sleep but also helped my mental health massively- I used to get takeaway coffees and do laps of parks with a podcast. Honestly the screaming even feels quieter outside! I would come home and immediately feel overwhelmed, but stepping back out the door made me feel like a human again.

It will pass I promise- mine is 14m now, other challenges but miles better than it was as a newborn (if nothing else, I actually sleep most nights now). I remember feeling like people were just misremembering when they said it'll get better, but it really does. For mine it was when he could crawl and sit, but friends of mine had massive improvements much earlier- like 12w or so.

Sounds like overtired. When they're overtired it's similar symptoms to colic which is so difficult! Definitely try swaddling and a noise machine if you haven't already OP. Hope things get easier.

Have you tried a cranial osteopath? My DD was very cranky when she was born and the osteopath worked wonders!

you can get really nice coats from seraphine that have an insert to go over the baby in the sling so they are all nice and warm against you) I have seen these in Lidl and Aldi too - (admittedly probably not as elegant though!) Wish they were around 10 years ago, I would have loved one!!

Both my babies had reflux and were like this, I feel your pain. Baby no 2 was diagnosed with a heart problem which caused the reflux. After much kicking off on my part she was eventually prescribed lansoprazole which instantly calmed her down. Within 2 weeks she was totally chilled out. The GPs don't like prescribing it as its expensive. We only got it when we were referred to the hospital (when they picked up the heart murmur).
In my experience us mums are dismissed too often by GPs as being neurotic, but trust your instincts if you think something is wrong and insist on being referred to a paediatrician to get the checks/medication that you need.

1 day at a time, I promise it does get infinitely easier