Newborn advice - desperate and unhappy

[SophNx]

I wondered if anyone has any advice or help they can offer. My baby girl is 5 weeks. Since 1 week old we have not had one good day or happy moment. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but oh my gosh this is really something else.

First of all she is NEVER happy and just seems miserable 24/7. Also I know newborns cry but when awake all she does is cry. She can have a clean nappy, just woke up from a sleep and been fed and then still just cry on and off for hours. She sometimes is so inconsolable nothing I do stops her. She also can go 8/9+ hours without sleep. The most recent one she went 12 whole hours with one 20 min nap in between. Is this normal?? i try everything rocking, swinging you name it I’ve done it. She just sometimes does not want to sleep at all. I’ve read about wake windows etc there is no chance we could get her to sleep in such a short period of time.

She has a bit of reflux, sick occasionally after feeds but nothing major. She’s putting on weight. I’ve been to the GP who gave instant gaviscon and then went back again as no difference and another GP said she is just crying due to gas. We’ve changed her milk and we burp her constantly and give her gripe water. Nothing makes a difference.

Do I have a really hard work newborn and I have to just get on with it or is there something wrong. I am a FTM is it something I’m doing wrong?

my husband is really struggling too. In so much guilt his exact words to me last night was “i wish we never had her”. The worst thing is I kind of understand where he is coming from. She is an utter nightmare ( I feel so bad for saying it) but there is not one thing enjoyable about her.

Any help is appreciated.

She is having 4oz every two hours. Occasionally might sometimes go three hours if we’re lucky before a bottle.

It's the weight that matters as they reach a stone they sleep and reflux stops

I wish my 3 yo has got this memo! 13kg still very much struggling with reflux! Her reflux had it's first peak at 6.5kg and the second peak at 8kg not sure about the 3rd and 4th peaks!

Hi, just wanted to express support, initial months with DC1 were v hard due to reflux. A lot of cuddling and sleeping on us (warmth, sound of heartbeat) helped appease baby. If you are able to ask a friend/family member/pay a nanny to take over for a few hours so you can have a break and have a bath, a walk, a massage, whatever replenishes your energy levels for a little while. It will get better ❤️‍🩹

Not true at all.

Definitely not true with any of my four reflux-y babies.... and one didn't sleep through until he was 4....😱

I could have written this 2 weeks ago, DD was the exact same. It was soul destroying.
I have since cut out dairy and soy in my diet as I am EBF for suspected CMPA (went ahead and did it alone as GP/HV wanted longer on gaviscon as her weight was fine). The last few days, after a week of exclusion she is honestly a different baby, we are all so much happier and enjoying her.
So another voice saying consider CMPA.

Not true. Reflux is usually diary allergy driven. Doesn't matter what weight they are, if diary is the issue the reflux will continue to be a problem.

Will she sleep in the car?

Have you tried a dummy?

My LO cried whenever she was awake for around 6/7 weeks. I was establishing breastfeeding and didn't want to introduce a dummy too early. When we gave her one around 7 weeks she loved it and it really soothed her.

She also had reflux until she turned 1yo so a lot of the early upset was probably due to that.

It's very, very hard but it does pass and you will see her little personality coming through.

I would say this is too much for a 5 week old personally. Also, sounds like CMPA to me.

Oh gosh I remember. I was unhappy, irritated, frustrated and then understood why parents harm their children. (!! Not that I ever did, but scarily, so easily could have) The Gp's were effing useless. I didn't have PD, but it is the most thankless task. In the end I stopped breast feeding and put 3 mth old to sleep on her tummy. Best decisions ever. Not even going to try breastfeeding with the next one. I'm not saying that's what you need to do, but chuck the baby books out and just parent your way. Xx

Baby is now 5, happy, easy going and we have the most amazing bond!

Missed this post, I think it sounds like she's wanting to suck to soothe the burn in her throat from reflux (silent reflux?) I don't know a lot about bottle feeding but 4oz sounds quite a large amount for a newborn.

I really would try a dummy if you haven't, for soothing, and also go back to the gp or try a different gp.

Sorry, it was this post I missed in my reply above.

My DD was like this and it was HELL. She had CMPA which was causing silent reflux. Got her onto specialist milk and she was a different baby within weeks.

Oh bless you, I really feel for you. My first was like this and I was really at my wits end as nothing seemed to solve it, he was just a crying baby - I remember trying to meet up with my NCT group and wondering what I'd done wrong as they all had calm chilled babies and I'd have to spend the whole time just battling a screaming baby 😞. He's now just about to turn 9 and has been a delight since toddlerhood so I think he just hated being a baby. I have two younger children who were much more chilled as babies but are much harder work as older kids so hopefully you are the same and just getting the "hard" bit over and done with early.
I would suggest focussing on making sure you both get a real break to avoid taking it out on each other. It will pass.

My DD was like this for the first four months post a pretty hard birth with cord around neck etc etc
i took her to a fantastic osteopath, and she really settled post that
honestly it gets better but speak to an experienced midwife re the reflux
and back to gp
good luck you will get there

I’m sorry OP this sounds so tough. Please forgive yourself and DH for sometimes thinking you shouldn’t have had her - newborns can break even the most ardent parents!!

You’ve had great advice here and I second going to your HV/GP and pushing. Take your DH or someone else with you if you don’t feel up to the fight.

And as others have said just go out. My DS would only nap in the pram. Get a cup holder, wrap up warm, get a coffee and listen to audiobooks/podcasts or whatever. If she’s better upright (which would indicate reflux) then do it in a sling.

I also co-slept as in the end it was the only way any of us got any sleep. There are guidelines about doing it safely.

Good luck love. You’re doing a grand job xx

only other thing to add if you haven’t already is trying tiger in the tree way of holding and contacting Cry sis helpline. I really feel for you, when you’re in it it feels like it will be forever too.
mine had reflux allergies and a heart murmur though this is the first time I’ve read of a link between the reflux and the murmur, am interested to know more @

That sounds really hard. And unfortunately not normal for a newborn, you've got a tricky one. It's most likely nothing you are doing or not doing. Emotionally, the lack of sleep and demand on you is torturous. And at 5 weeks, there's still little bond, so don't be hard on yourselves for how you feel. There is time, when she's better, to bond and love her. Right now she's hard work!
It's okay to put her down for 5 minutes while she cries to have food etc. and have you anyone who could take her for a walk or hold her- even crying- for you to go for a quiet walk. These first weeks is about survival.

Other posters have good ideas for treating silent reflux, which she seems to have the symptoms of. Congratulations OP!

That's not normal. Sounds like it could be silent reflux - mine had it. They are in pain after every feed and crying is their only way to tell you. It is terrible for baby and parents but does ease with time as their digestive system develops more.

This. 100%.

Plus one on this.

beyond that:

• try keeping her upright after feeding.
• naps on walks or in the car
• slings
• get audiobooks for you and listen via earphones
• try and just accept it’s happening and keep reminding yourself it will get better. Newborn stage def traumatised me. There were several low points and all I had was women telling me how lovely newborn stage is and it just gets harder (which is a total lie)

yes upright for feeds for 20 minutes also. On drs advice we were told to elevate one end of the cot.