Newborn advice - desperate and unhappy

[SophNx]

I wondered if anyone has any advice or help they can offer. My baby girl is 5 weeks. Since 1 week old we have not had one good day or happy moment. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but oh my gosh this is really something else.

First of all she is NEVER happy and just seems miserable 24/7. Also I know newborns cry but when awake all she does is cry. She can have a clean nappy, just woke up from a sleep and been fed and then still just cry on and off for hours. She sometimes is so inconsolable nothing I do stops her. She also can go 8/9+ hours without sleep. The most recent one she went 12 whole hours with one 20 min nap in between. Is this normal?? i try everything rocking, swinging you name it I’ve done it. She just sometimes does not want to sleep at all. I’ve read about wake windows etc there is no chance we could get her to sleep in such a short period of time.

She has a bit of reflux, sick occasionally after feeds but nothing major. She’s putting on weight. I’ve been to the GP who gave instant gaviscon and then went back again as no difference and another GP said she is just crying due to gas. We’ve changed her milk and we burp her constantly and give her gripe water. Nothing makes a difference.

Do I have a really hard work newborn and I have to just get on with it or is there something wrong. I am a FTM is it something I’m doing wrong?

my husband is really struggling too. In so much guilt his exact words to me last night was “i wish we never had her”. The worst thing is I kind of understand where he is coming from. She is an utter nightmare ( I feel so bad for saying it) but there is not one thing enjoyable about her.

Any help is appreciated.

Great suggestions above: silent reflux, CMPA, sling (definitely!) Will she sleep on you in the day? With a sling you can still do things and not feel too ties down.

I've heard gaviscon can cause constipation, so that could be an issue. The main thing I want to say is that it gets easier when they start smiling from about 8 weeks - finally some feedback that they're not unhappy all the time!

I really feel for you, my first child was like this, at 10 weeks old I remember crying on the bed and wondering if I should put her up for adoption! She had bad colic and some evenings she would cry from 6pm until 10pm. It improved by 4 months and got a lot easier. Could you take her out in the car or pram? Would that help her sleep? Also how often are you feeding and how much? X

I know she needs to sleep I try all of this and sometimes don’t get me wrong it does occasionally work but she still seems unhappy. Yesterday she slept for most of the afternoon which is so rare. I’m talking 2/3 hours in the morning and then awake for a bottle and slept another 2. She then was absolutely hell all late afternoon and night and would not go to sleep at all after that. So she can’t of been overtired after her second 2 hour nap? I’m just so confused.

thanks for your advice.

Thanks for the help. I try the pram and car often sometimes works but as soon as she’s out she screams. She’s having 4oz every 2 hours x

Another one here saying CMPA and or reflux/silent reflux.....I know it's not helpful right now to hear, but it does get better. I've been there....I think for us there was a noticable improvement at around 8 weeks, then more so around 12 weeks. My little one is now 13 months old and an absolute joy. Looking back the newborn stage was hell and i honesty think i'm a bit traumatised. Do all you can to stay sane and things will improve xxx

You poor thing. You're not alone - colic is a thing, and has been forever. Sometimes (ofter ) no definite cause is found but it gets better around 12 weeks so you could be nearly half way through.

Do still try different positions, Omeprazole, fresh air - you never know.

Baby massagr gave us some relief with ds1. A friend used to take turns with her dh driving around in the car for ages because their baby would sleep then. It's completely awful but it will pass.

Try not to get too caught up with how many hours she has. I don't think it's helpful to follow wake windows when they're so little, and newborns sleep varies a lot. It doesn't necessary matter how much she has, it's more about her temperament - she'll give signs when she's sleepy and you do what you can to facilitate that sleep. It's quite common to have "witching hour" in the late afternoon when all hell breaks loose! It's very hard and it seems you have a harder challenge than most on your hands, but you'll soon get to know her patterns and quirks. Follow her lead as much as you can. You're doing a great job!

Have you tried a cranial osteopath? My DD was very cranky when she was born and the osteopath worked wonders!

@SophNx i could have written your post myself so I am following with interest! My little girl is 7 weeks and sounds incredibly similar. All the above regarding colic and reflux I will be mentioning to my doctor next week at our 8 week review as hearing all these replies have confirmed that something more is likely going on rather than my baby just being hard work!

Poor you, that does sound very hard. Has HV/doctor considered that she might a milk allergy ie. lactose intolarence?

Oh OP I get you! How are you coping? Partner too? Do everything possible to get a break from her, you need to hold on to some sanity. It's hard!

My DD was the same, I just couldn't make her happy, in the bath, in the car, out in the pram, we tried it all, she just wasn't happy.
After 5 months of it, when I was beginning to think I was going to do myself some harm, a GP (I'd seen several) went against everyone else and suggested she was lactose intolerant, changed her milk, and we had a different child within hours. As food was increased and milk reduced in time she grew out of it.

Good luck. Take care of you

Just because it can cause a lot of confusion. Lactose intolerance and dairy allergies are not the same thing.

Lactose is the sugar in milk and dairy allergies are cows milk protein allergies (cmpa) so an allergy to the proteins in dairy.
Lactose intolerance is rare in children and with breastfed babies is usually diagnosed in hospital as breastmilk has higher levels of lactose than cows milk. Lactose free products have all of the milk proteins in so for a child with a cmpa it is the same as regular dairy.
Babies are more likely to be allergic to proteins from dairy and these can pass from the mothers dairy intake into her breastmilk and cause reactions this way. there are two types of formula for cows milk allergies extensively hydrolysed which has partially broken down dairy proteins and amino acid formulas which contain all the components individually. Allergies come in two forms immediate (rashes swillings hives anaphylaxis) and delays (gastric symptoms reflux/sickness/loose or hard stools) and can look a lot like intolerance symptoms which is where the confusions can arise.

My daughter has a lot of allergies and I'm a member of various allergy community and even the most seasoned allergy parents can come undo with lactose free Vs dairy free products. Sorry for the nitpicking but for some babies/children/adults it's an important distinction that needs to be made! Best wishes!

This 100 percent.

Lactose intolerance is incredibly rare. I know of one case.

However CMPI/CMPA is a lot more common. I have come across several cases when speaking to other parents when my own child was diagnosed with CMPA initially.

Lactose intolerance being incredibly rare is news to me.

When my son (aged 5ish) had been suffering from spots/rashes on his face, and started getting sudden bouts of stomach cramps and diarrhoea, I spotted a correlation with dairy consumption and cut it out of his diet. Symptoms disappeared. A GP told me there was no blood test for lactose intolerance (there is, however, a blood test for CMPA) and so if cutting out dairy stopped the reaction, we could assume lactose intolerance. Bloods came back negative for CMPA.

I too, had worsening episodes of “IBS” for 10-15 years which was almost cured by cutting out dairy.

Is this not lactose intolerance?

Hi OP. My baby is 8 months and was exactly like yours.

A few avenues to explore

• reflux
• cmpa
• tongue tie
• over tiredness

HOWEVER sadly for some babies (both of mine!) there is no 'treatable' cause and you have to wait it out. I'm still waiting it out with my 8 month old 😦 and it means LOTS of trial and error (and lots of money on different bottles, tongue tie people, a Snoo cot, a different pram, cranial osteopath x2 - just to name a few - in my experience) and is a lot to deal with,

Sometimes people can be a bit flippant 'just wrap the baby up and take them out in the pram' well my 8 month old STILL screams in the pram. It's well meaning advice but you've probably already thought of taking your baby for a walk anyway.

All I can say is that it will get better, a lot of people find it gets better at 8 weeks, but don't set all your hopes on it like I did because that is disappointing.

Also GPs are pretty poor in this area (apologies for the generalisation, I'm sure some aren't). It's all 'just colic' or 'try some gaviscon'.

After a particularly brutal few days I took my baby to a&e at 8 weeks old where a paediatrician finally took me seriously.

Exactly the same with my eldest, awful newborn stage. My second I had to use the sling (which I hated with my eldest) as I had a toddler to manage to.
youngest slept like a dream in the sling and never showed many signs of over tiredness. Try it, one of the wrap ones is probably best.
selfishly, I like my space, so when she got to 10-12 weeks I got her more used to being put down for naps and phased the sling out. Before that I think she was just too young to want to do it.

i promise you’ll come out the other side! The first weeks/months are tough.

Hi OP, that sounds hard. Get as much help as you can. Keep meals housework etc very simple. Looking after a baby who is unsettled is a full time job.
Have you got a sling? If not Google to see if there is a sling library locally. Some babies will not settle alone in a crib. They are designed to settle close to you in your arms. Using your sling for all day time naps is sometimes the only way you can get your baby to sleep without waking as the movement and closeness to you will help keep her calm. Ie feed and put in sling, rinse and repeat.
Cranial osteopathy as mentioned above can help.
Remember the first 12 weeks of life are referred to as the 4th trimester, babies are adapting to life outside the womb. It's not usual for a baby to have so little sleep, but very normal to only stay asleep in your arms.
Try and have a chat with your health visitor, there may be some local groups you can start to go to to connect with other mums. That can help in the early weeks and gets you out of the house.
Hang on in there ☺️

There is a blood test for IgE or immediate cmpa but not for lactose intolerance or non ige or delayed cmpa (sometimes also called cmpi but it's a bit out of date now.

In babies lactose intolerance in rare. In adults globally, lactose intolerance in the norm. It is only in the western world that lactose is tolerated past childhood

What is depends on what happens when you remove dairy. If you remove dairy and use lactose free products and are fine. It's lactose intolerance. If you remove dairy and use dairy or oat as replacements are fine as a child it is probably cmpa but could be lactose intolerance. As an adult it is most likely lactose intolerance but could still be cmpa. Without testing the lactose free foods you wouldn't know.

Gps are very poor at this sort of thing. My daughter would have been diagnosed are 8 weeks instead of 18 weeks if my GP knew the difference between cmpa and lactose intolerance. Our best GP finished every sentence with "sorry that's from my personal experience, my daughter has a cmpa, not professional training"
Children's allergies aren't something that is part of GP training

Lots of sensible advice already given OP, but I just wondered what the feeding schedule is like in terms of number of bottles / volume of milk etc?

I just want to send you a big hug and , OP. That sounds like an incredibly stressful nightmare. As has been said above, press your GP / midwife / health visitor for support, because you definitely need it x

This is exactly what my daughter was like. From about 6/7 weeks to about 13 weeks. It was hell. It gets better, I promise.

I’d also look at cry advice, there are people on social media that explain the different cry’s a baby makes. This maybe helpful to you.

its not sounding normal and it sounds like you’re doing a fab job, but you need rest

You and your husband are doing amazing and saying things like I wish we didn't have her absolutely normal under the circumstances - which of course makes u feel guilty and even worse.
Give yourself some kindness, it's incredibly hard being without sleep and constantly worrying about if you are parenting the right way etc.

Can I check how was your birth? Any chance baby might have any residual pain from the birth? ( A friend of a friend had a very long delayed birth and baby got stuck and had a fracture that went unnoticed for weeks , her baby boy was very unsettled too)

Also from experience my cousin's baby girl had undiagnosed cmpa and her baby girl cried constantly until she changed formula. Also her daughter is now 7 and grew out of the allergy.

Also try sling, and push again with your GP and HV.

I had twins, angel baby's and reflux baby, it's not you.

I think having two at the same time gave me insight on hard it must be to have one sad baby.

I remember cat napping and feeling like the walking dead for months. It does get better ask for help. Ask a friend with her to go for a walk so you can sleep