Leaving 15 year old at home

[yetanotherdaytoday]

Is a sensible 15 year old too young to be at home alone for a night, as a one off?

DH has to take MIL to hospital 300 miles away and I need to be at work in the next town, to run an event, on a day with train strikes. My youngest can go to her friends but I don't have anywhere to send my DS.

DS is suggesting I leave him at home. I'm tempted. I was up to all sorts at his age, he's a good kid and very very sensible in comparison!

I don't drive and therefore wouldn't make it back till breakfast.

If it was a normal day at work I'd just take the day off, but the event can't run without me.

Is it madness to consider this? I'm not sure what else to do. My couple of friends who I could usually call on for favours just can't help that day.

WWYD?

You know your kid better than anyone. Is he responsible? Part of growing up is being given more responsibility. I was left at that age for odd times, but then my mum knew me and trusted her judgement.

This wouldn’t be a problem for me if you had someone close by who could come round.

My biggest worry is that he’ll get scared or panic and you can’t get home or you’re worrying about him all night.

My DD is the same age and I’d trust her to be alone but I can imagine she might get a bit scared and I may have to stay the night at work in the future.
So we are going to do some practices where I’m not far away and have the car, so worse comes to worse I can get back quickly which I won’t be able to do when I’m working.

Do you drive?
Could you look to see how much it is to hire a car. It may be cheaper than a taxi and saves you having to pay out for buses, train, hotels etc.

Or if worse comes to worst could DS go with you?

At his age, my mum was working shifts at a hospital so frequently me and my sister were taking meals she had prepared and put it in the oven to cook, and serving ourselves quite happily. We often got home at least three afternoons a week with father not coming home until 6pm. I imagine we could have coped with the odd night, so I think he'll be fine.

OP, only you know if your son is mature enough to be left alone at night. A couple of things I'd do though..

• tell neighbours so they are aware (any chance he could stay at home in the evening and then sleep at theirs???)
• call him before he goes to bed to make sure he locks doors, oven off, etc.

My mother left me at home for a week by myself when I was fifteen because I didn't want to go on a family camping trip. She phoned me from a payphone every night at 6 o'clock to make sure everything was OK. I was happy as Larry to have the house to myself, and don't remember there being any issues. It also meant she didn't have to take the dog or put the cats into a cattery so everyone was happy.

It wasn't that long ago that people used to go out to work at fifteen. Honestly, if you are confident that he is mature enough I'd go and not feel an ounce of guilt. Frankly almost everyone should be able to look after themselves for a night without supervision at fifteen and know what to do in an emergency. It's good to foster independence.

I've left 14 year old DD over night a couple of times - she knows the neighbours and can reach one of us at any time.

I did give her money for a take-away as I didn't want her cooking.

At 15 I'd be fine with it. At 13 I wasn't fine and arranged for her to stay with friends.

You say he is sensible, isn't bothered by the idea, and nice neighbours nearby. Realistically, what's the worst that could happen to him? Leaving all the lights on? Playing computer games all night? If he doesn't open the door to people I don't see what tragedy could befall him.

I wouldn't personally but I appreciate everyone is different.
I would however, definitely speak to work and say you'll need expenses for a taxi home because you will be without a car and there are train strikes and you're not happy to leave a school age child alone all night.

I did the same frequently at that age. To be fair, it wasn’t in the middle of nowhere - my mum was in walking distance - but now I think it was bonkers.

If he's sensible and you trust him and it's only one night, I would say it's okay to leave him. I believe the recommended age is 16, so it's not a million miles away and I think you're the parent, you know your child well enough to make an informed decision. You can always facetime and maybe even ask a friend of yours to pop in at some point to check on him and see how he's doing and maybe have an arranged time later on around 10 where you agree to facetime and he can walk round the house making sure doors are locked etc so you know he's safe.

Why would you have to pay the £90 home? If it's for work, they should be paying.

What are you not sure about?
He is sensible, hasn't given you any reason not to be trusted. I assume he has a phone and knows how to call 999. You can leave food for him (or give him money for takeaway and check in on him by phone.
Teenagers don't magically become competent when they hit a certain birthday. It's not about age, rather maturity. And your kid sounds mature tbh.

If your child’s happy with it and as you say sensible, I’d have no issue. Makes me laugh that ‘you shouldn’t leave a 15 year old,’ but magically ok as soon as they turn 16.
Does the magic adulting fairy arrive on the night they turn 16 so all that could go wrong the day before is suddenly gone 😂
Much more down to you as a parent who knows your child, to judge the situation in his case.

Its too young. I think NSPCC guidance says 16 yo minimum.

Taxi home from the event?
Can the MiL appointment be altered slightly?
Your son goes with you stays at the hotel and is late for school the next day?

I think it’s fine, if he’s sensible. But also, your company needs to pay for taxis if trains aren’t working. Ex, I have travel from the airport next week and we only have one car so can’t park there. Company will be paying taxis both ways.

If it's a big event, then surely you will have colleagues who could either drive you home or at least part of the way, then a taxi would be cheaper. Although as umpteen PPs have said, why won't your employer cover the taxi cost? If trains are cancelled then they will know they have to pay for taxis.
Your DC is too young to be left alone. And having nice neighbours doesn't help if there is an emergency in the house with no external warning signs.

NSPCC guidance is just guidance. I know the law is changing, but marriage (and sex) are legal at this age. And you only have to be 17 to drive a car.

All things considered, I think early marriage, sex and being in charge of a vehicle pose greater risks than a night at home alone in your house...

It’s absolutely fine to leave him if he’s happy with it and you can contact each other. 100%

Why is it too young? Apart from NSPCC guidance?

I’d say at 15 he can be left if he’s sensible. I was at that age and I was not sensible at all! Strictly no mates over and a neighbour keeping an eye on the house.

Missing the point but lots of comments about turning all electrics off and not leaving things charging...is this something people worry about? Is it just worrying he will leave lights and TV on and up the electric bill? Feels like if that's your biggest worry he will be fine.

This isn’t the NSPCC guidance ^

I’ve got a very sensible 15 year old DS who would also probably game the entire time I was out . I’d leave him happily all day but night just feels wrong . I don’t think I’d sleep a wink . My son seems much older than he did 12 months ago and I’d imagine will continue to mature at a staggering rate . I’d imagine he will seem a lot more mature at 16 which seems to be an acceptable age . Presume you’d get charged with neglect if anything happened to him too . I’d speak to work about the cost of a taxi

What is making you doubt it @yetanotherdaytoday ?

At 15 DD1 was regularly babysitting other people's children.
DD2 however I still get concerned about in her 20s as she's so scatterbrained!

Is it a specific concern about your DS that you have or just a general first time doing something concern? That's two very different scenarios imo.

Between you could you and DH make sure you have the cash for a taxi just in case your DS calls?

I spent about 70% of my time home alone from the age of 14, whilst I am conscious this was the result of neglect rather than sensible parenting I was absolutely fine so 15 should be OK for 1 night. My DD is only 8 though so perhaps I might feel differently when mine is that age 🤷‍♀️