Daughter wants to move out at 18 so she doesn't have to share a room anymore

[DoYouAgree]

I live with 3 dc's in a 3 bed house.
Ds (16) in own room, me in my own room and 17 and 9 year old dd's share.

They have the biggest room and make great use of the space but I appreciate it's far from ideal especially for the 17 year old.
Younger dd has a brilliant loft bed and older dd has desk space, double bed and wardrobes there is just a bit of a lack of floor space.

We were never meant to be in this house this long but their dad left me and I was lucky to be able to buy this house never mind buy anything bigger.

Eldest is allowed her friends/boyfriend over whenever and younger dd prefers hanging out with me anyway downstairs.
At least twice a week I let the younger one sleep in my room so the older one gets her own proper space.

I just don't know what the alternative is. Older one wants to go to uni which is less than 2 years away but said that for her last year she'll probably move in with her dad as she has her own room there (but dislikes rest of the house due to other family members living there as well).

I think I'm just feeling sad about the situation, there's nowhere else I can put anyone, downstairs is knocked through and no garage to convert. Garden too small for any kind of outbuilding.

I just have to smile and agree though don't I, I'll miss her loads if she goes. Feels like the family gets broken up more.

Oh Jesus just let her go. She's nearly an adult and she wants to leave mummy's home. Let her.

No one is bullying the OP, as claimed upthread. The OP doesn't want her dd to move out - all posters are doing is offering alternative options!

Tell her that if she does decide to do that, you'll miss her but will respect her choices, but there will always be a home for her with you. Meanwhile, does she have any ideas how the room could be split better?

You deserve your own space, your youngest deserves her own bedroom, not to have to bunk in with you because the eldest doesn't want her around. It isn't perfect but that's life. Sometimes you just have to live the life you have.

Could you split it with bunk beds where the block out alt sides and it splits the room? Altho if she's hoping for her own room for bf can stay over, that might not suit her either!

Except she wants it so badly she's not going for nearly a year. Because she clearly doesn't want to live there else she would already. She doesn't have to be an adult to live with her own father.

Exactly. At 9, occasionally it's a novelty but what if DD flunks out and doesn't go to uni? Why should younger sis have to share with Mom into her preteens just because she had the audacity to be born third?

Can the room be divided up with a curtain?

Lots of kids share a room. She's at her Dad's in her own room twice a week. Her sister is kicked out twice a week and whenever she wants the bedroom alone for her and her boyfriend. Ops already being very accomodating and it's youngest who's baring the brunt of it.

@Nofilteritwonthelp 12.7 million children in the uk, about 5.5% (700k) of these share a BED with their parent or sibling, or step sibling, never mind a room! 1 in 5 children share a room with a sibling. I used to teach and now I’m working in the housing sector (HR but it’s not a silo, it’s an expectation that we are aware who our tenants in terms of demographic) - in my professional experience it’s not unusual. Definitely not unusual in the towns and cities I’ve lived and worked in. About 3/4s of the families I know personally have siblings sharing a room. Not everyone can afford a 3 bed house, or bigger, there are a huge number of 2 bed terraces near me, especially around the local primary schools. They have to make do.

Wow I had no idea, that's not a good statistic at all. In fact I thought that was a definition of poverty in many Western countries (not having your own room/sharing a bed)

That is very true, families often have to 'make do'. However, the op's daughter doesn't, she has a choice. I don't see it as a big deal that she wants to stay with her dad in her last year at school, before uni, where she will not have to make do. It's not as if she is leaving the country or rejecting her mother. Anyway, it may not work out, let's wait and see.

I think @Dotcheck's solution is the best-and doesn't look as though it would cost a great deal.

@Nofilteritwonthelp About half a million children don’t even have a bed. Yes not having a bed, or sharing a bed is a sign of poverty.

Living in an overcrowded house is a also sign of poverty but sharing a room with a sibling isn’t overcrowding unless it’s more than 2 same sex siblings, or 2 opposite sex siblings over the age of 10.

Everyone wants to offer their kids a room of their own, but with 3 kids that means a 4 bed house. Where I am you can buy a 4 bed for 250-400k (mainly to the upper end) but the rental market starts at £1400 for a 4 bed if you want an area where you’d be happy to park your car on the street at night. There aren’t many of them available either way - it’s also a university town and a university commuter town so anything above 3 beds is usually a house share.

I appreciate that the 17 year old doesn't want to share with her 9 year old sister, but moving the 9 year old in with her mum isn’t sustainable either - the 9 year old is not going to want to be in with her mum when she is even a little bit older.

But again in the DDs position (both of them) the sibling that was lucky enough to be born a boy gets his own room. I'd deffo be going where I had my own space.

Yes, but the vast majority of families I know have 2 DC not 3. This is one of the reasons why we stuck at 2 - space in the home.
OP can’t do much about that now! But in her case I would share with the youngest I the biggest room and give the 17 year old my room.

Why is she waiting until she's 18

Why cant she go now?