Obese with overweight child

[Whyamilikethis1990]

I'm almost 40, obese, with an overweight preschool aged daughter. I've been overweight all of my life and been preoccupied with my weight since I was about 5. I was called greedy, miserable and lazy a lot by parents, grandparents, friends and even strangers and guess what- it doesn't make me thin, happy or active. I now have a 3 year old daughter who loves her grub and has a big appetite. Family just think this is a novelty and give her anything she wants which causes me a great deal of internal stress and anger. I can tell them not to do it and for the most part they'll listen but she definitely has more than she needs. They think just because it's not always sweets, that they can offer her a massive portion, or extra fruit and it'll be okay- but I find it incredibly triggering and as a result have fallen into binge eating habits more regularly. I have also recently made myself sick which I haven't done in years. I wouldn't have called myself bulimic, but I have definitely some form of disordered eating. It's costing me a lot of money- in one month alone I can spend around £250 on just eating out or junk food to binge on when I'm alone, however I am also finding myself eating lots more than usual in front of my colleagues at work. I am finding it difficult to make better decisions as I don't sleep well so am exhausted every day. It's the worst I've felt and I can tell as my housework standards are slipping and the house is a complete mess. I have a husband who doesn't know the extent to how bad I feel, but he's a great dad and husband and I guess I don't want to worry him. He knows how I feel about my daughter and her eating with family though. I have had blood tests recently and am waiting to speak to a doctor about what they actually tested for as I am concerned I have either hypothyroidism or pre-diabetes but never got results from them. I lack motivation and I know it's all my own fault. I can't help but feel angry at others though. I blame them for making me feel how I feel even though I know its mainly my own doing. I can't afford therapy as yet but have looked into it. I am currently doing a free self esteem course with a local women's charity so have made some sort of first step. I am on sertraline but am also awaiting a review as I feel worse than when I started about a year ago! I feel disgusted about how much I am eating, but also how much I am spending. I just need some advice, guidance, anything that may give me a push in the right direction please.

Hi OP, the all or nothing thing sounds a lot like me (have suffered from bulimia/BED in the past)- can I suggest an app called Recovery Record? It’s not for tracking calories or losing weight, it’s for treating eating disorders. It encourages you to eat 3 meals and 2 snacks, but to really think about how it makes you feel and to identify triggers for binging. For me, overeating was another method of self harm- I felt like I was horrible and disgusting so I deserved to feel horrible and disgusting, if that makes sense?

I totally understand wanting to lose weight but I genuinely think you need to treat the binge eating as the eating disorder it is and tackle that first, and put the weight issue to the side. Head first, then body. Otherwise you’ll get yourself trapped in more cycles of binging and restricting

Of course there’s a some individual differences. But the evidence and data
is there to support, by and large, what I’m saying. Those who are predisposed to obesity will have to work especially hard to prevent or combat it. But hard is worthwhile when is parenting.

A child with one obese parent has a 50 percent chance of being obese. When both parents are obese, their children have an 80 percent chance of obesity.

https://www.ucsfbenioffchildrens.org/conditions/obesity#:~:text=A%20child%20with%20one%20obese,gain%20varies%20for%20different%20people.

I’m meaning to attack anyone - just lay the facts as they are. Family environment and behaviours are huge contributors- it’s not just a coincidence.

I know I have developed an ED because of my Mums attitude towards food. Which is pretty typical of the diet culture.

Lyndi Cohen talks about it and the studies that support that hypothesis in https://books.google.com/books/about/Your_Weight_Is_Not_the_Problem.html?id=gAyUEAAAQBAJ

This morning I actually weighed my daughter and measured her, she seems to have lost weight or it was inaccurate before (different scales) so I feel a bit better about her size. Just myself to sort out

That’s good! (Although probably best not to weigh her much, or let her see you weighing yourself but you probably know this). I’d be interested to hear if you find the hypnosis thing useful. I think I’ll listen/nap through one myself after lunch as I’m off today. What I like about them is that they talk about how it is hard these days due to the availability of food, ie it’s not about individual failings. Must be good to feel it’s just you to sort. Good luck with it all!

@FishAlive12345 I have tried intuitively eating but I think my issues are affecting how well it works as I’m restricting without realising, then obviously binging because of that.

Did you use some books and resources? It’s pretty hard work but in the absence of being able to afford therapy, the Workbook by E. Tribole is a kind of self-help therapy, helping you to work through the issues. Intuitive Eating Ireland is a good podcast too. It takes a long time to undo years of diet mentality, but it is so freeing when you manage it.