Three year olds teeth almost decaying - feel terrible

[Cloudyrainy]

So my son had his first check up at the dentist today, he turned 3 in July.

I was concerned about his teeth as he absolutely HATES me brushing them and he has a lot of issues around food so eats more sugar than he probably should. The dentist has said his teeth are not decaying yet but there are spots they’re concerned about and said that it’s bad considering he is only three.

I feel absolutely terrible, I really do try to brush his teeth as best as I can but it’s obviously not enough. He was also a complete angel for the dentist and he let her rummage about in his mouth and didn’t say A WORD, I feel like she didn’t believe me when I said he clamps his mouth shut and screams when I brush his teeth. She said lots of other children wouldn’t let her in their mouths as well as he did and asked how he doesn’t let me. I didn’t know what to say, she also said if it’s worse at his check up in three months he’d need put under sedation if there was decay?

I just feel absolutely terrible, everything she suggested to try we already do, I’ve tried to make it a game, singing songs, new toothbrush and new toothpaste.

Can I fix this by cutting the sugar and keep trying with the brushing? They weren’t decayed yet but obviously what she said is worrying 😞

Make ice cubes with things in them like a strawberry or raspberry ...anything that's fun..let him make them ..then choose one to add to water ?
Teeth brushing ...try a finger with mild toothpaste..let him rub his finger over teeth
Then move to a piece of cloth in finger and paste
Let him choose a fun brush...soft ...or an electric one
Use a fun timer or buzzer or a rhyme you sing or he sings ..yes might be messy but it makes it fun ??

You could add a visit to dental hygenist four times a year to keep on top of his teeth being clean? If he hates you brushing his teeth, and hates trying, but was good for the dentist, perhaps he’d be equally good for a dental hygienist?

You could also try a child electric tooth brush as well? Some children dislike manual toothbrushes but love an electric one.

I used to pin my child down to get it done. I found videos on YouTube that show a safe technique using your legs to hold them. Totally undignified but doesn’t hurt them. I’d then try to make him laugh to get access to teeth. Eventually I changed to only doing that at night and letting him do it himself in the morning.

I knew before I opened the thread he'd be sipping juice all day long. Same old story with these children. However diluted, however 'no added sugar' it is, you're allowing constant hits of sugar on his teeth, all day, every day.

Sorry op but the juice thing absolutely is parenting. Fresh water only from tomorrow.

Has he by any chance been given the bright yellow antibiotics for anything because that stuff is the worst for teeth

It'll be hard but you need to wean him off the juice. My eldest was also 3 in July and he only gets water (sometimes an oat milk in a cup but it's not very often). He does have occasional chocolate but not every week. He doesn't eat any sweeties. He has some sugar like jam, biscuits etc but teeth get brushed twice a day.

Will he watch a video whilst you brush them? A song or something he likes? DS wont let his dad brush his teeth at all, so DH puts on a video on YouTube with one of his fav songs for the brushing. Have you tried letting him brush yours?

Do try watering down the juice more and more until its just water if straight switching really won't work.

Get xylitol pastilles and give them after every meal and snack. Only let him eat a maximum of 5 times a day (3 meals and 2 snacks for instance), with at least an hour and a half in between each meal/snack so the teeth get time without the acid attack from food/drink

For teeth brushing, my DS was a nightmare for teeth brushing as a toddler, screaming fits and all. I pinned him down, stuck a finger in the corner of his mouth to hold it open and brushed his teeth. Got bitten quite a few times but I was not going to risk his dental health. He's now 5 and is absolutely fine about getting his teeth brushed, I think it took about a year of pinning down and forced brushing before he realised it wasn't the end of the world and started to let me brush his teeth without a fight.

Surely it’s not just fruit and squash that has caused the signs of decay? I’m not being rude but does he have a lot of sweets and chocolate or something? Mines been eating more sweets lately I’m nervous about the next dentist visit although I’ve got an electric toothbrush for him and I brush them really well day and night. He used to refuse but I just held him down , got to be cruel to be kind.

It’s also interesting about the juice , I only ever drink squash and I’ve never had a filling. Is it because the baby teeth are weaker ?

Babies who drink plant based milk do have weaker enamel. As do premies.

This is shocking. Tooth brushing is not a choice, even if you have to pin him down you do it because it is important. Cut the crap out the diet too.

@Fivety He will eat plain biscuits like digestives/rich tea and kids yoghurts and he eats a lot of fruit, bananas, strawberry and grapes. He also drank quite a lot of oat milk until he was 2.5 which we ended up stopping cold turkey because I was concerned about his teeth but we couldn’t get in to any dentists in our area so the health visitor told us to just take it away full stop. Since taking that away in January he has really only drank extremely diluted juice.

@Plumful nowhere did I say that I didn’t brush his teeth? We brush morning and night but it is a massive struggle and he clamps his mouth shut and kicks and hits and screams and can be very distressed so I feel like no matter how hard I try he’s not getting a proper brush

You need to be firmer he is three and calling the shots, clean his teeth even if you have to hold him, he might scream but once he realises you are not giving in he will stop, stop buy juice, keep cold water in the fridge and say that is all you can have.
Tell him the truth the dentist said she will put you too sleep and take your teeth out.

Can you get to see the hygienist? The hygienist can clean his teeth but also may have some tips and tricks on how to encourage him to clean himself ? He may prefer the control of him doing it and that would be better than nothing especially if he did it after every meal

Cleaning teeth properly was always non-negotiable in our house. Even if it meant a major tantrum and became a two-parent job. You're the parent; you are in charge.

How does he even know what juice is? If you had only offered him milk or water - you wouldn't need to give him juice as he wouldn't even know it existed.

My daughter was never offered juice until she was 4 and even now will only take a certain apple juice once in a while. She is always the kid refusing fruit shoots at parties.

Have you heard of the Autobrush? It helps kids with sensory issues who usually can't brush their teeth, even extreme situations. I got one for my DD who has ASD and sensory disorder. They are really fun. Also, try Boka toothpaste. There's Japanese brands as well, the key ingredient is nano-hydroxyapatite (n-Ha) which remineralizes teeth. They have kid flavors too. You can find online and on Amazon. Also, I didn't read all the comments, have you tried letting him brush his own teeth? Maybe he's protesting because he wants to do it himself? Sorry if you already addressed this. I did see some rude remarks- just ignore those, clearly you're doing a good job. Genetics play a big factor in this. Not everyone is blessed with strong teeth. Some have to work hard for it.

Of course sugar is awful in lots of ways, but any kind of food or drink will eat into the enamel if it's left there. Cutting out sugar is a good idea on many levels though. We have fallen into a bad habit with sugar because my DD (12yo at the time) was being influenced by a friend with an eating disorder, so I encouraged her to eat anything just to keep her off that path. (similar to getting a toddler to eat!) It worked but now our food habits need adjusting. I talked to her GP about it and she agreed with my strategy and said to just make small changes to get back to healthy eating. Don't try to suddenly cut all sugar or processed food out. It's one healthy choice at a time. So when we go shopping I'll say something like "Ok that's 3 sugary items in the cart, that's enough, let's find some healthy snacks too." I make her part of the decision making so it's not like punishment. I've always talked about nutrition with my DD too, so she's usually made good choices, and made it easy for us to catch the eating disorder thing before it became a bigger issue. Because we've always talked about health it wasn't hard to adjust. (not bragging at all, I grew up very neglected and I'm hyper focused on nutrition because of it. and I did get lucky with her for sure!!) 3 is a good age to start talking about it and empowering him. Don't be discouraged though, and don't stress. I know how hard it is and you're clearly doing your best. Just keep trying and you'll figure it out along the way. We all do - even though some here think they know everything, none of us do!

I feel like you’re looking for magic wands but in reality there is no way around it- you’ve got to cut the sugar and get him more on board with cleaning his teeth. His sensory and food issues will get a lot worse if his teeth start to rot and become painful so it really is kinder to act now.

My suggestions would be:
Plain water- don’t buy juice
No sugary treats. Again, don’t buy them.
No fruit for a while to break the habit and then reintroduce teeth-kinder fruits. Just tell him the shop has run out.

Give him the choice- he brushes them or you brush them. Even if he just brushes the front two at first that’s progress, and then slowly build up to front four etc. Something is better than nothing.

Once he’s brushing them a decent amount, sweet treats ONLY if he brushed well that morning and the night before etc.

Good luck :)

And actually, if he was able to let the dentist look and fiddle around in his mouth with relative ease, I don’t think this IS a sensory issue as much as a behavioural one in this case. Which is better news in a way, cos you don’t have to worry so much that you’re being cruel or disregarding his needs.

Sugar isn't the only consideration.. Children need minerals to have healthy teeth. Is your child getting enough of various minerals? The most mineral rich foods are animal foods like dairy, fish, meat. Also veg but minerals are more absorbable from animal foods.

It's common for vegan toddlers and babies to have teeth that start to crumble or decay for this reason. Lack of minerals. Emphasise the animal foods in his diet.

Can you tell us what a typical day looks like with food.
My son refused to eat most foods and ended up with 2 fillings aged 4. We slowly changed his diet around.
Juice to milk and water
Less fruit, absolutely no raisins, more veg sticks
No cereal at all just stopped buying it so breakfast became either porridge with blueberries or eggs and soldiers.
Flavoured yoghurt to natural yoghurt with strawberries.
Cut out all sweets and chocolate until he went to school. Stopped buying biscuits.
Snacks became savoury (veg sticks and homous, crisps, bread sticks, cheese straws)
We also had to stop tomato ketchup as he practically drank the stuff.
We did it gradually over a couple of weeks. We all eat so much better now!

@bibop veganism is perfectly healthy, no one 'needs' animal foods to be healthy.

Find the best well fortified oat milk. My daughter has weak teeth due to acid reflux and our dentist was ok with my daughter as she has no other option and water is great but it's 0 calories 0 fat 0 calcium 0 iodide all really important things she needs for her development that she gets from oat milk. Our dentist understood this and acknowledged that it we are in a super difficult position that it doesn't make much difference to her teeth when she spends hours and hours refluxing fluids and having the acid soak into her teeth every night. The only dietary change he made was removing citrus fruits. She already barely had juice though. Look into silent reflux, bring up a up every night is absolutely the worst thing you can have for teeth
Use an adult tooth paste with 1450ppm of fluoride ignoring any of the age limits and be said these are just included to allow them to sell kids tooth paste too. We have gone with repair and protect by sensodyn which has novamin in which has found to have an additional 2% benefit for weak enamel and was covered in the sliced bread podcast on toothpaste (Bbc radio 4)