Three year olds teeth almost decaying - feel terrible

[Cloudyrainy]

So my son had his first check up at the dentist today, he turned 3 in July.

I was concerned about his teeth as he absolutely HATES me brushing them and he has a lot of issues around food so eats more sugar than he probably should. The dentist has said his teeth are not decaying yet but there are spots they’re concerned about and said that it’s bad considering he is only three.

I feel absolutely terrible, I really do try to brush his teeth as best as I can but it’s obviously not enough. He was also a complete angel for the dentist and he let her rummage about in his mouth and didn’t say A WORD, I feel like she didn’t believe me when I said he clamps his mouth shut and screams when I brush his teeth. She said lots of other children wouldn’t let her in their mouths as well as he did and asked how he doesn’t let me. I didn’t know what to say, she also said if it’s worse at his check up in three months he’d need put under sedation if there was decay?

I just feel absolutely terrible, everything she suggested to try we already do, I’ve tried to make it a game, singing songs, new toothbrush and new toothpaste.

Can I fix this by cutting the sugar and keep trying with the brushing? They weren’t decayed yet but obviously what she said is worrying 😞

When you say he won't drink milk or water "anymore", at what point did you introduce the juice and why?

Also raisins are awful for teeth and get totally stuck so make sure he’s not eating them if not brushing his teeth

Presumably she's taking credit for keeping his teeth healthy as a child and teaching him to look after them
properly himself. Nothing wrong with that.

Agree that juice is only an option because someone has let him have some. Children who do not have other options for drinks will drink water as it is their only choice. Only permit diluted juice/squash with meals and everything between meals should be water. Likewise with sweet food - it should be part of a meal only and savoury offerings between meals

Hi everyone thank you for all of your suggestions so far, to answer some questions he is not currently diagnosed with anything but he has an extremely limited diet and sensory issues surrounding food. His safe foods are very limited and unfortunately are things like banana, strawberry, grapes bread, chips etc things which obviously aren’t great for his teeth. I have autism/adhd and similar issues around food so it is being looked into as a possibility for him.

He also will only drink one specific brand and flavour of juice (which is sugar free, although obviously still not great), I worry about cutting it entirely as when I have tried previously he refuses plain water and goes all day without a drink 😫 If anyone has any tips around this I’d be really grateful because I feel like I’m just stuck 😞

Im on my own with him 6 days a week as I’m a single parent, so I’ve got no one else to help brush his teeth through the week, his dad has the same problems when he has him once a week. We’ve actually waited for this appointment since June as there has been no dentists accepting new patients where I am and the wait for the appointment has been months so it’s long overdue

Sorry OP, it’s great that you’re going to try to remedy this but you need to hear a hard truth - you’re just not being a strict enough parent.

I imagine this probably isn’t the only way in which your son defies you and you let him.

You don’t need to be a horrible aggressive ogre with him of course, but you need to make it a non-negotiable. The same as not leaving the house without shoes on, not running across a car park, not eating three ice creams in one sitting, not sticking forks in plug sockets.

My child doesn’t love having their teeth done. But it’s a non-negotiable. It happens regardless. I get cross and give them consequences and they open their mouth. Simple as that.

And stop buying sugary snacks. He can’t eat then if you don’t give them to him.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toothbrushes-Shaped-Whole-Mouth-Silicone/dp/B09KQQKHCS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=C1T0CAESBENC&keywords=u+shaped+toothbrush&qid=1699363916&sprefix=u+shaped+toothbrush%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1

Might be worth trying this.

hygienist here. You absolutely can stop further deteriorating in the teeth by adjusting his diet to as sugar free as you can get . That more important than brushing . No to mouthwash , and no the dentist can’t seal a 3 year olds deciduous teeth as moisture control is nigh on impossible . Perseverance with the brushing ideally but never get into a fight over it . If you can get a little ( smear ) of toothpaste in his mouth before bed then that may help a little ( with remineralisation of tooth enamel over night ). Don’t beat yourself up, just get rid of the sugar snacks . Very dilute squash isn’t ideal either as it will raise the acidity of saliva and contribute to tooth surface loss / decay rate. I feel your pain as my own son had an appalling high sugar diet which at times I felt totally helpless over for some bizarre reason .

Worth a watch.

Have you tried watching the toothbrush songs on youtube at the same time? Blippi, Peppa etc.

But really, if he's drinking diluted juice, he's going to have rotten teeth. It's entirely up to you.

If he is potentially has autism it could be the toothpaste tastes too minty for him. You can buy unflavoured toothpaste that my friend uses for her DS with autism as he can’t stand the minty taste.

My nearly three year old has an appointment in January (and an hour's travel time away). That's her first appointment and it's not for want of me trying. There just aren't the dentists. I don't think I know anyone in my area who's managed to get an appointment at 12 months.

cut out the sugar NOW. Make your son brush his teeth!! You owe it to him as his parent. Offer him a reward at the end if he does for the two minutes. Your son probably has sensory issues around food and needs to see a dietician.

A lot of my sons issues improved when he went to childcare. Watching and learning from others made him more open to change. Get him into a nursery a few mornings a week and they will help you with things like this. You might see his diet improve a bit too. Of course, it might be a disaster and he hates it but equally it could be a massive turning point, you don’t know unless you try.

My niece had 6 teeth removed age 6 because her parents didn't enforce teeth brushing.

I'd like to say she improved after that, but at 20 now has awful, decayed teeth and huge resentment to her parents for not enforcing it.

Water only, zero snacks if teeth are not brushed the night before.

Not something to negotiate over op.

As he let the dentist look in his mouth and did well with it, I would see if nursery could brush his teeth in the morning so that's half of it done.

I know lots of people won’t agree but brushing teeth is non negotiable! In our house my youngest hates having his teeth done but it’s not a choice so I sit him on my knee and hold him and do it for him! Judy get it done, it’s literally two minutes twice a day!

My autistic dc only drink VERY COLD water. So at dinner, a pretty jug with ice cubes and everyone drinks it.

A lot of leading by example: so you drinking lots of water, maybe from a a nice cup, or tiny tea cups with water poured from tiny teapot?

Also do you always brush your teeth together? So he sees you doing it.

Is there anything you can do that he loves to see, eg could you stand on your head for as long as he brushes?!? Anything to make it less confrontational.

Yes I used to lay them down, one finger down the side of their mouth so they can’t shut it or bite and brush them quickly but properly, swap sides and done. They learn very quickly that it’s better to cooperate with tooth brushing!

Could you “play” dentists and brush his teeth while he looks into your mouth with a little dental mirror?!

OP have you heard of the “air up” bottles? Definitely something for you to look at for him, it’s really clever it’s a water bottle with scented disk things and basically it makes you feel like you’re drinking juice because the scent tricks your mouth, when in fact it is just water. I don’t think I’ve explained that very well so maybe good to look into it but that could be an easy way of cutting out juice without even saying you’re cutting out juice.

My god-daughter had similar issues with her teeth although not quite as bad and one of the best things you can do is massively limit the juice. She hated drinking water or milk and refused but after a bit of convincing she now had a special cup and a special bottle with her favourite characters on that she quite happily drinks water out of, and she has a glass of juice with her lunch and with her dinner so it’s not totally gone from her diet but it is a “treat” rather than what she has all day every day. You need to explain that to him, he’s allowed juice/sweet treats/crisps, but in moderation. It’s a good lesson to teach now as it will apply throughout his life, nothing is “bad” on its own but too much of anything IS bad.

Will he drink with a straw? Might help a bit for it to bypass the teeth

Does changing the time that you brush his teeth help at all? I assume you've already tried but doing it right after a meal might work better. I don't know if that good from a dentistry point of view

I'd cut juice completely. It's such a lifelong 'skill' to enjoy water. We had an ice dispenser in our fridge door and I think it really helped my kids enjoy water.

They could help themselves and I think the cold water and the ice added to the experience for them.

I have very poor teeth so I was extra careful with my kids teeth as I didn't want them to go through the pain and massive expense than I've gone through. It made decisions like never offering them juice easy. They are adults now and all still drink water. They often choose it over other drinks when we go out to eat.

Have you tried taking him to choose a toothbrush? Tried different flavour toothpastes?

don't beat yourself up op. I have a dd with asd and sensory issues are far more complicated than just forcing him to do it.

I am in this exact position with my 3 year old. She has a small cavity that will need a crown at some point. Two of the other teeth are at risk of decay too. Her dentist is doing fluoride treatments every 3 months to keep on top of it.

We have moved to a enamel protect toothpaste. She rinses her mouth before she has her teeth brushed and again before getting into bed. Her teeth is caused by severe reflux that isn't controlled by medication. The rinsing is to minimise the acid in her mouth. We are awaiting for a review with a different specialist to hopefully get different medication. It might be worth investigating as silent reflux in older children is usually diagnosed after issues raised by dentists about the state of teeth.

Our dentist has told us to stop giving my daughter citrus fruits, she rarely had juice but we have stopped this aside from just before bed she now only has water in a sippy cup or strawed vessel. She still has a closed cup of oat milk at bed time as she needs the volume for weight gain and she won't drink that much from an open cup.

My daughter is already on a restricted diet that is quite low in sugar so aside from the citrus fruit we haven't made too many other changes.

Don't feel too bad. Milk teeth are so vulnerable. Our dentist has said we just need to keep them in the best condition we can for her to reach 5-6 when she will start to get her adult teeth and that we might need to see a specialist dentist at one of the local hospital. We are really pinning out hopes on our new paediatrician for her reflux to get better so in a slightly different position to you

thank you so much I never knew this was a thing, he does struggle with the taste he cries that he doesn’t like it and gags and I’ve tried every flavour I could find. I’ve just ordered some unflavoured from Amazon fingers crossed it helps 🥰