If you're not a natural 'mum type' what do you do to pass the time with small kids?

[Februaryschild2023]

I'm on mat leave again and just don't know how to fill my days. I'm incredibly lonely but really struggle with the baby groups, the bleakness of sitting around on church hall floors, singing songs and feeling inadequate and like I've stepped back to the 50s.
I'd love to be a person who was good at just their own company, but I'm finding it lonely. Has anyone found a middle ground between singing hello to the sun, and wandering alone round shopping centres for hours?

Could you maybe look for some less bleak baby groups? I know the kind you mean, but they're not all like that. If you go for one where you sign up a term at a time they're usually a bit better organised and also have the benefit of being the same people every week so much easier to chat and find someone who is up for meeting for a coffee/doing something other than baby singing.

Why do you find the groups bleak?
Singing nursery rhymes is about teaching children to talk - the rhythm of words and language. It teaches them memory skills. Doing actions helps them with the body movements.
With a baby you can pretty much go anywhere - a shopping centre, museum, library, parks, cinema showings especially for parents and babies, cafes, family friendly pubs, local farms, local markets..... anywhere.
Unless your only interests are extreme mountain climbing or stock car racing you can basically do what you enjoy because baby won't care what you are doing - everything is interesting for them.
Just do what you enjoy and take baby along.

Ah I do not miss the baby group days. You don't have to go to them though op just go out anywhere and take the baby with you. Wish I'd done that more as these days I have to spend my time in parks etc whereas as a baby I could have done my own thing really

I persisted with the baby groups until I made a good handful of friends to hang out with. I would have been bored out of my mind otherwise, and gone back to work at 6 months instead of 12.

I know how you feel.

i used to be in a group of 4 mums and once a week we’d meet up in someone’s house after lunch. Two mums would stay in with our four kids, the other two mums were free to do anything. Generally when it was over we would all hang out for a while. I looked forward to that afternoon all week. Even if it was your turn to look after the toddlers, it was still fun to be with another mum.

We didn’t know each other terribly well before. The common denominator was that we all had the one child at a similar age. I think we all met at our local nursery.

DS1 I went for long walk and took him to meet friends for lunch and round galleries. DS2 was more difficult as I had to be back to collect DS1 from the childminder. But still a fair bit of getting the train to London and meeting my working friends for lunch.

I found some mum mates who were like me (sarcastic and like wine) then started baby play dates while we gossiped away the afternoon at one of our houses with a glass of wine and a share bag of crisps (each)

We spend a lot of time at the park but it’s not as enjoyable in the winter when the weather takes a turn. No advice but I definitely feel lonely too so it’s not just you!

Personally I went back early after maternity leave. Those baby groups are horrifying. In my head the memories all play to a soundtrack of a despairing accapella chorus of ‘Wind the Bobbin Up’, but sloooowing doooown gradually, like a record running down or a horror film soundtrack.

I used to stick DS in a hiking backpack and take him for long country walks.

I hated baby groups. I didn't actually know that was a thing when my son was a baby. I went to a toddler group twice and felt like an outsider. No one said hello/welcome they just looked at me and kept talking. Me being a shy introvert basically left straight away.
We went to the parks pools and visited family occasionally. They went to the shops or soft play and actually probably went to soft play more than anything. Some of the shops here have a mini soft play for the kids near the food court, or we would visit the beach and go for a drive to somewhere like have a picnic by the river or farmland go for a walk etc go to a wildlife park/farmyard park not zoo but where the animals can roam more free and you can pat and feed the animals.
My son started preschool at age 3 for school readiness so that helped a lot too.

I go for 'me' focused baby groups ie exercise classes for mums that you can bring the baby to. No singing hello to the sun, I get a workout and chats with other mums and we get out of the house

My dc are older but this is what I did -

I went out a lot. Took dc to parks, museums, exhibitions and generally places that interested me

Found less structured play groups. Most of them had singing just at the end. I'd chat to the other mums for most of the time.

Invited any friends I made to meet at the park. We'd chat and get coffee. This evolved into meeting at each other's houses then evenings out without dc.
We're still friends even though our dc are all much older now.

I found a buggy fit group near me

Go to the library and chat to mums in the kids section with kids similar age

At home, I'd have the radio or audiobooks on in the background. This helped me to not feel so lonely and I found it mentally stimulating.

I guess because I'm 36

I guess because I'm 36

I hated those groups too. I tried to find places that were interesting to me but also fun for the kid. The Young V&A is good and the london transport museum. Everything got much easier when he turned 3 though

I've never been to a single baby group with my daughter. I took her out a lot - to parks, cafes, softplays etc etc. I liked being out of the house as much as possible but never on the floor in church halls 🥶

Just do what you enjoy and take baby along.

This is good advice. That's exactly what I did.

@Februaryschild2023 yes but your baby isn't 36 and will enjoy different things to you.

Grand thanks. Still waiting to see all the dads lining up for this shit/being chastised when they say they hate it

@Februaryschild2023 erm ok...
What do you enjoy doing them? Just do it and take baby along. They are small and portable.

I went outside as much as possible and to play grounds and parks, where I always hoped to meet other parents and often did and then went back to their houses. I met up with antenatal group friends. I hated the singing baby groups but quite liked some others, usually the busy chaotic ones. I did some volunteer things that I could do with ds in a sling or car seat. I took him to book club.

If you hate baby groups, just stop, or start one you might actually enjoy. It dies get much better when they start walking, hang on in there.

I went back to work at four and five months each time. It saved me.
Twenty years on and never a single regret.

How did you spend your time before becoming a parent? Do that as far as possible.

I joined a midweek/ daytime book club that met every 3 weeks. I mostly didn't get a chance to finish the books but I enjoyed hearing people talk about them.

I went to lots of exhibitions.

I made friends with a few people from the NCT group and we used to just sit in beer gardens and drink wine sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Apart from that, I just spent a lot of time outside. I'm perfectly happy in my own company though so I was ok with only having one or two social things a week.

I know what you mean OP.

Second time round I concentrated on making friends, and structure the week so that Monday = x, Tues = y place etc.

I like drinking coffee and eating. I tend to take my kids to parks next to good food options; they play (hopefully with other kids) and I can have a breather. I have three well adjusted children despite not singing at them 12 hours a day or sitting on church floors trying to maintain an interest in someone else’s 2nd degree tear / views on weaning / recent holiday in the cotswalds.

I hate the singing ones as well. There are playgroups that don't have that perhaps? We have one that just has loads of toys on the floor and you can sit and drink coffee. That's not bad.