Are toddlers harder than newborns (in your experience?)

[Joppi]

I have a newborn and finding it challenging for various reasons (often no daytime naps so can be relentless, evening crying, v hard to settle etc)

but then I often read posts on here about the toddler stage being so tough!

interested to hear others perspectives of the pros and cons of newborn + toddlers, and which was better!

Depends on the child.

DS1 for over nine months woke every 45 minutes and we were on our knees, also couldn’t be left unentertained for more than 5 minutes without screaming. Much easier toddler (despite signs of what turns out to be ASD) mainly because only waking twice a night made so much difference. Also, he was delighted to be read endless stories.

DS2 much more standard issue baby, remarkably self entertaining (I could leave him under the baby gym and he’d gurgle happily whilst I drank coffee for half an hour!). As a toddler needed to be much more active and could tantrum for England.

So I’ve had one of each!

It's completely different. Newborns are mainly hard because of the lack of sleep, which makes you feel like you're on another planet. Also because they can't communicate and are so terrifyingly delicate, you're constantly worried about whether they're ok (or at least I was).

Toddlers are unreasonable and hard work but in a different way. Personally I hated the newborn stage and found 1-2 really hard, but I would rather deal with a toddler than a baby any day.

Pro and cons of newborn and toddler.... there is no way to answer that.

A pro is that your a parent to a child that needs you no matter what.

Both stages are different and come with challenges.

Have you asked for advise on why your newborn is fussy?
-post natal groups
-health visitor
-friends

I will caveat this with having one (easy) child, but definitely found the infant stage easier. Bung them in the pram/sling and go for a walk. When they’re older they are slightly less agreeable to that.

agree with @SnapdragonToadflax about it being easier when you can have a better idea of what they need rather than just guessing, though

Hi OP,

I honestly think each stage has it’s difficulties. From newborn to toddler my DS (3) is easier in terms of independence, can entertain himself a little bit, use the toilet etc. But the difficulties are the tantrums, pushing boundaries, more daring and dangerous 😂 can’t be popped into his bouncer anymore whilst I do a few bits and bobs.

My DS was also a massive crier and screamed for hours on end each day so I understand how you feel. It does get better though, be good to yourself xx

Depends on the child. Loved toddler stage. Much more fun and less slog than newborn.

I personally would take a newborn over a toddler anyway, but like PP have said it depends on the child! My daughter was a lovely easy baby, but is an absolutely wild and outrageous toddler! Different stages have different challenges!

Children are challenging at all the different ages for completely different reasons. It really depends on the child and their personality. You can't really compare or make generalisations.

I found the young toddler stage of 12-18 months quite tough as they’re mobile but no sense of danger, very little understanding and ability to communicate so there’s a lot of frustration. 2+ though I quite like. They can communicate their needs, are quite fun, sleep 12 hours a night (or at least both of mine did), they eat what you eat, can drink from a real cup, can walk a decent distance so once you get them out of nappies you can stroll out the house with nothing except your phone and keys- it’s great!

Ds1 was challenging from day 1. He was a high needs baby, a demanding toddler and generally tough. He's now approaching his 4th birthday and is starting to get easier ( most of the time)

My second was a chilled newborn, is just 1 and still pretty chilled ( ourside of his current chickenpox).

Think alot depends on the kids

Not for me no - I found newborns and the baby stage really hard. I have a 3 year old and 2 year old and I’m beginning to get my life back.
I found the need for constant attachment hard, also not knowing what they wanted despite the crying.
If in an alternate universe the baby part could be skipped I would skip. IMHO

No one tells you how awful the newborn stage is the first time round. Absolutely frikin terrifying. But looking back they do snuggle up and feed so you can watch Netflix and stuff. For a fussy baby I'd say just feed feed feed. Toddler stage is magical as they walk and talk.

OP to add have you tried a swing chair for baby? Apologies if you have but it helped for my screamer lol

I have a young toddler and whilst this stage has its challenges like tantrums and needing eyes on the back of your head at all times, I still prefer it over the newborn stage. I found the lack of sleep, the relentless cycle of feeds and nappy changes, the colicky crying so hard at the time. My newborn cried A LOT, day and night.
Now at least they can be distracted and entertained more easily, they’re great fun and it’s lovely to see the little personality developing, there’s more of a routine to things like meals and naps so I can plan the day more easily.
But it depends on the child as pp said, my friend had an easy chilled newborn who slept loads and now has a toddler who is into everything, so she would say she preferred the newborn/baby stage!
The newborn stage doesn’t last long and you will find your rhythm with it.

Absolutely not. Yes they’re on the move and you don’t get the sleepy breaks but it’s so much more rewarding.

You turn on a light and they act like they’ve just seen a Taylor Swift gig, they slip their little hand in yours to walk down a step. It’s a stage of purity and joy and completely different to the newborn grind.

Hang on in there, it’s just a season. x

Your DS1 sounds a mirror image of mine 😀 he is also nearly 4 too x

Totally depends on the child I think. All of mine were wonderful babies. Slept well, fed well and were just lovely lumps of cuddles. I’d have 10 new borns if they stayed like that!
I found 1-2 hard as they tried to navigate walking, talking, etc and the endless illnesses they picked up! Was my worst time for sleep as well.

I think 2 year olds get a bad rep! All mine were lovely at that age. Funny, curious and so loving. 3 year olds however… 😩

many of my mates have had the exact opposite experience. So maybe it’s the child and the parent?!

its the hardest, most rewarding job.

I think it depends on you and the child. I loved the baby stage. I found it easy. My kids weren't easy buy any stretch of the imagination. I dealt with reflux and colic. I had to hold my eldest up for 30 minutes after every feed. She'd projectile vomit so often I'd have to change her 6+ times a day. She'd feed 2 hourly so by the time I'd changed her nappy, fed he, winded and then held her up for 30 minutes I'd get maybe 30 - 45 mins before starting again. It was exhausting and brutal but I found the routine reassuring.

The toddler phase is harder for me. My kids are testing boundaries. They don't listen. They don't follow instructions. The tantrums are epic. They talk constantly. They follow me everywhere. I haven't had a wee alone forever. I find it very taxing. Sometime I want to cut my own ears off. My youngest (3) has never slept through so I'm still up several times a night.

I may regret saying this as my toddler is only 15mo, but I'm enjoying this stage a lot more than the baby/newborn stage. He plays silly games, is starting to do imaginative play, tells me what he (doesn't) want, can do stuff a bit independently... whereas when he was a baby we went straight from painfully establishing breastfeeding, to colicky, to teething and screaming all day, to wanting constant entertainment every waking minute. We're both much happier now that he can say "Choo Choo" and then go and get his toy train for himself (and then hand it to me to put the toy doggy on)

I have toddler twins and I'd still take them over a (single) newborn.

• Bribeable with snacks
• In a reliable schedule
• Sleep through
• Do cute things
• Light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to potty training etc.

And just less fragile, I'd add!

Depends on the child and what you like. DS1 was a very difficult newborn and a really cute and engaging 2 year old currently testing me at age 3. I therefore much preferred and hence found easier his toddler years to newborn months. Having said that, DS2 is currently a pretty average to easy newborn. I’m still finding it overall quite boring and tedious. I like getting out and doing loads of stuff, with minimal preparation and someone to chat to. I’m not one for sitting on the sofa all day. I think I’m therefore overall not a newborn person, no matter what they are like. I miss my all day adventures with DS1!

First was a difficult baby and easy toddler

The second was the dream baby and is a feral toddler

I'm done

I prefer toddler by a long way.

Everyone was desperate to tell me how easy newborn stage was.
I had a relatively easy baby and was in despair at the time as I hated it and had no sleep.

I'm with @Colourfulponderings the world is magical with toddlers. we spend 20 minutes today exploring the stained glass on the front door then made her toy cat some "tea". It's lovely and way more rewarding

I found the newborn stage very dull and boring. Toddlers are funny, chatty, often completely unreasonable, but I find it a lot of fun. Also, when they say, ‘love you mummy’, it completely melts my heart and I forget about the 20min tantrum because I wouldn’t let them play with a bread knife!!