Are toddlers harder than newborns (in your experience?)

[Joppi]

I have a newborn and finding it challenging for various reasons (often no daytime naps so can be relentless, evening crying, v hard to settle etc)

but then I often read posts on here about the toddler stage being so tough!

interested to hear others perspectives of the pros and cons of newborn + toddlers, and which was better!

Different.
For me (2yo and 3mo)
Newborn sleep is all over the place, breastfeeding is exhausting. Snuggles are lovely, they stay put!
Toddler has loads of energy. Today I climbed up a massive climbing frame. Generally do park or soft play most days. But seeing the world in brought his eyes and watching him learn is lovely.

In my experience, newborn was the hardest and it just continued to get easier the older they got. So yeah, my toddlers were much easier and more enjoyable than my newborns.

I think people who find their toddlers harder must have had one of those very placid sleepy babies that rarely cry and settle easily.

As others have said, it's hard in a different way. With babies it's mainly lack of sleep that is hard (unless you have a very good sleeper), and also, if it's your first, I think adjusting to the massive change to your own life can be really challenging. Toddlers are tricky because they are mobile and have their own opinions and don't always do what you want them to do! Even things that seem cute (eg the "why?" stage) can be really annoying when it's 24/7.

I have one of each just now and my newborn seems so easy in comparison to my toddler. She is quite an easy baby though. It’s just a completely different thing. I’m self employed and often try to get some work done when my toddler is there. It became so much easier when he reached 1 and could start to entertain himself. Other than needing to feed him and change his nappies he was quite happy to potter about most of the time so I did have a lot of time to myself. The difference now is when I’m feeding the baby and can’t move he will actively seek out the most ridiculous thing he could do. He’ll pour water all over the floor, do a really drastic fall and need me to go over, climb up on my kitchen surfaces or start emptying the cupboards. This then makes him seem much harder work but in reality if I just had him I’d be able to manage him much more easily and the whole thing would be less chaotic! So I’d say the baby is easier in terms of being able to sit them down and they don’t go anywhere but more relentless with what they actually need from you

Depends on the kid, imo.

DD was a very difficult baby in general, but especially as a newborn as she didn't sleep, had a milk allergy and wouldn't eat. Once we sorted her CMPA out it was better, then we sleep trained at just over a year, and she's been a delight ever since (now 9). She still doesn't like many foods but we're dealing with that.

DS was a very easy baby in comparison, especially once he started sleeping properly. Once he could walk, the trouble began! He could be vicious (with DD especially), loved making a huge mess and was a bit of a bolter. I was tearing my hair out with him during lockdown when I was trying to homeschool DD! But he's 5 now and he's calmed down a lot. We still have our moments with him but he's much much better.

I'd say hardest time with DD was newborn to 14mo, hardest with DS was around 14mo until 4!

I have a just turned 3 year old DS. I would say that the last year has been my favourite. I have enjoyed different aspects of every stage but he was a difficult/clingy newborn and I didn't spend more than a couple of hours away from him in the first year. I gradually clawed back more free time from 1yo, and by 2yo I felt like I was 'me' again.

My DS started walking at 10 months, which meant he burnt off more energy and generally slept better. Overall, for me, I think the level of difficulty I felt at each stage depended on how much sleep and free time I was getting.

I've got 2 and the toddler stage is a TOTAL BREEZE compared to having a little baby for me. I struggled enormously when mine were tiny especially with my youngest. She's 18 months now so I'm in toddler mode so not looking back with rose tinted glasses or anything! They sleep much better than newborns which for me is key - I can take on anything when I've had some sleep.

My toddler isn’t quite 2, so I’ve got a little bit of toddlerhood to go but so far 0-1 was a lot worse than 1-2!

Toddlers are insanely unreasonable and the tantrums can leave you feeling quite helpless. But I’m back at work (which made a massive difference), she’s starting to communicate, she can walk and prefers to walk, she can play by herself. It’s also more rewarding now, she’s funny, talkative, her personality is shining through.

It depends on the child. With ds1 I was very anxious that I would do something wrong and I constantly worried that he was too hot or too cold or that every rash was meningitis. With the others I knew what I was doing but the middle 3 were poorly as babies and we struggled with feeding. Dc5 was a very easy baby and he fed like an industrial vacuum cleaner but by then I had 5 dc under 10 so it was hard anyway.

As toddlers dc1 was the hardest as he was into everything and dc2 was the easiest. Dc3 had to fit round everyone else. Dc4 and dc5 are close in age so although they weren't difficult as individuals, there were 2 of them going through similar stages at the same time. They toilet trained at the same time and they would both be crawling/toddling off in different directions.

Teenagers are really hard. They need to be dropped off/picked up at various different times. They don't want to go out with you but they can't be left home alone for more than 4/5 hours. They don't tell you anything apart from grunting and words like fine. Also with little ones you get support from baby groups. With teenagers you mostly have to wing it.

I think the new-born stage can be particularly challenging as you may be recovering from birth, shock and lack of sleep. There is the on the job learning where may feel overwhelmed.

I think when you get to toddlerhood you know your child better so you may be less surprised. You can generally sleep better - or worse case scenario tag parent more so you can recharge the batteries.

I enjoyed / felt challenged by both stages by different things - but do reach out you are not alone and others have trodden the path. If you have help - take it! even if they carry them around, walk them in the pram etc while you just have a brief break - you and baby will benefit.

I was so grateful to my friends who came around sent me to bed and entertained/carried around and sang '90s tracks to my little ones so I could sleep.

Toddlers way more tiring imo

God yes. I would happily have sent my toddlers to boarding school with no holidays, or swopped them for a lovely cuddly newborn for any length of time.

They are now both grown up so I don’t think my ineptitude and horror have damaged them long term.

Depends on the child for sure

1st: didn’t sleep and super hard I thought I was going to throw them out the window at times! Amazing little toddler and super easy.

2nd: better on the sleep front / easier baby but much harder toddler and strong willed.

Depends on the baby, but ime hell yes toddlers are sooooo much easier.

DS1 HATED being a newborn. He just wanted to be on the move.
So, when he started crawling (at 5 months 🫣) he got a bit happier. And he just got easier from there. Around 18 months when I could get 4 solid hours sleep a night, life became seriously more joyful.

I totally agree with what others have said that it depends on the baby and on the parent.

I have 2 DD’s (3.5 and 2) and personally I much prefer the toddler stage. I found the newborn stage tough - the lack of sleep, the crying and not understanding what they wanted, working for an hour to get them to nap only to have them wake up 30 mins later, the constant feeding, and both of mine went through stages where they wouldn’t go to anyone except for me for months, which I found really difficult when I couldn’t even get 5 minutes away from them.

Thats not to say toddlers are easy - they push boundaries, talk non stop, can be entirely unreasonable and their style of play tends to mean you are completely involved - but I love watching them discover the world, their imaginations, how loving they are, how many more things you have the freedom to do, not being totally ruled by naps and not having to pack your entire house into a bag to go out for half an hour. Also sleeping for 12 hours a night and being able to tell me what is wrong when they are crying are massive pluses for me 😂

My daughter was a relatively easy newborn, she did all the things she was meant to and only woke once a night for a feed - couldn't complain.

She's now 18 months and appears to need little to no sleep. She bombs about until 10/10.30 at night, is up religiously at 7am, and often doesn't nap at all during the day, despite our best efforts. She's exactly the same at nursery, they have openly admitted that they have no idea how she goes and goes and goes.

She's very good natured, lovely to be with, rarely stroppy and a generally sunny little thing, but dear god would I love for her to have a nap so we could cut a break. Just half hour every now and then, or a decent bedtime so we got a tiny bit of an evening. Work (three days a week) is so incredibly relaxing!

So, toddler stage for us is harder. Not because she's difficult, but because she's so bloody awake! 😂

It really just depends, I loved the newborn stage and found it the easiest so far where as my partner finds it easier now our child can walk and is more independent.

My son is 11 months. He is walking, climbing, grabbing and into everything. I have to watch him like a hawk, he is so full on and only wants to nap once a day. He’s always been a good sleeper (so so grateful as I am crap with poor sleep) but when he was immobile, my life was really quite chilled, I was well rested.

Now, he’s a force of nature and so destructive with no sense of danger!! Exhausting. The newborn phase was for amateurs, this phase is hardcore 😂

I can't really comment as ive had a easy baba who's just so chilled.

Not sure tbh - DC1 was a fairly easy newborn (though I didn't realise this until having DC2) and a fairly easy toddler.

DC2 is 3 and all stages have been much harder so far as he is incredibly wilful and loud!

Newborn worse. Ds woke every hour the first 18 ish months. Couldn’t ever be put down, fed constantly etc etc. I nearly crashed car as so tired.

Ds is now 3. Hes always been very active, and walked really early. But now hes 3 he’s already has several years practice so he’s confident and able to walk, climb, ride bike etc. So he doesn’t need so much physically from us. He can be bribed also. He still doesn’t sleep well, but now its 1-2hrs laying in our bed to sleep then sleeps mostly through v the every hour waking.

I hated the new born stage, loving toddler life. Think people make it out like it's so hard, but once you realise they just don't understand and can't be controlled and you pick battles it becomes so much easier xx

For me yes toddlers are harder but everyone finds different stages harder I’ve had 4 kids and didn’t find the newborn stage the hardest

Note a lot of.tjosr that say newborns are harder like toddlers because they sleep.

Except a lot don't. Many sleep worse as toddlers than as newborns. My second woke 2-3hrly as a newborn but from 6-18m hourly. Some people here talk about their toddlers sleeping through, and yes the lucky ones do, but others won't until 3/4/5+.

There's also less chance to catch up on sleep during the day, and they need parenting and entertaining rather than just caring for them. You're trudging to the park in the rain with them rather than watching a box set. They move so require more supervision of, and you have to juggle it all with work.

They give a huge amount of joy and love and it's a wonderful time. Frankly I loved both. But in terms of effort for me it was a whole new level. That first 3 months it felt like a proper great. I'd been running myself into the ground with work for years and I finally had space and rest. Toddlerhood was much more full on.

@Babyboomtastic my 18 month old is currently sleeping terribly but I still find it a million miles easier than little baby stage!