Is my toddler THAT toddler? I left in tears

[somethingiremember]

Yesterday I started a toddler group with my DC and ended up sitting in the car afterwards crying. I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m not usually someone like this but it has obviously hit a nerve.

I’m a SAHM so DC doesn’t go to nursery or pre-school and I’m used to taking DC out and about with me. It can be a handful, DC is energetic but what I thought was a typical tot. Anyway, I get to the group and DC is running all over the place and I’m trying to encourage joining in with the tasks. I can see all the other children there are following along and DC suddenly stands out like a sore thumb. I was doing my best in the situation whilst my heart was sinking and then one of the other mums gave me a look that I can’t put into words but made me feel like the worst mum in the world. I felt so protective of DC and just wanted to leave so sort of hurried off at the end when the other mums all had a chat. DH thinks I should have stayed to talk and thinks DC just has bags of energy. I’m worried it is more than this and it has taken me nearly 3 years to notice.

Has anyone else had something similar happen? Is it because I’m a SAHM and would have noticed earlier otherwise? Or have I landed in a group of very well behaved children and DC seems a bit wild compared to them?

Oh gosh don't over think it, some kids like to get involved and some don't, and it was his first week! He wasn't doing anything wrong he was just having fun. If anyone really did give you a look then they're an absolute bore!

If he's not had a lot of experience in groups of kids then he needs to learn and he'll do that by going regularly to groups, being around the kids and seeing how they interact. It won't be instant, it takes time, just keep going and give it a chance.

If it was your 1st time there, DC was just exploring and excited. The other kids are used to the routine. The other mum who gave you the look sounds like an unwelcoming cow.

You don't really give a lot of details, but from the sound of it it's just that the other children are regulars and know the system and your child doesn't.

My DS did a poo in the middle of the first toddler group we went to. A full on log on the floor.

Never went back.

Keep going, OP. You're doing a great job x

My first ds (second dc) was THAT dc. You learn to get tough skin op. Bit of a helicopter dm at groups to minimise bad behaviour and lots of praise for behaving! Rest of my dc just went off and played. Never ds..

My second child is definitely ‘that child’. She’s feral.
My first child is an absolute golden child. It’s like she was born with a full set of social skills and empathy.

First child was a young toddler during covid so had fewer social learning opportunities. Second born has been taken to multiple groups since birth. Neither has ever been to nursery.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Is he a toddler or a 3 year old? (I don’t consider 3 year olds toddlers).

At just turned 3 my DS was at preschool and so would be expected to follow rules and direction's, sit down for circle time etc. Even at 2 when we went to library groups etc he and other children would be expected to sit on the floor and follow nursery rhymes. What is he like at home? Can he follow directions and focus on an activity for a certain about of time? Are you concerned he has ADHD or something?

Thank you for the lovely replies and the laughs, feeling so much better about it already.

He’s 2.5. I know I need to give it a proper chance and keep going, and it is brand new for him. It was the first class of the term but I don’t know who has been going before now and, like you say, they’ll know what to expect and the routine. I think it was not being able to get him to sit down so during all of the sitting tasks it made it more obvious I was running around trying to get him to join in and to stop climbing things. Then getting the look when I sat down alone to encourage him over (didn’t work). Whilst I was wiping tears off my chin driving back, he said he loved it!

I’m a SAHM so DC doesn’t go to nursery or pre-school

I was a SAHM, but took DD to toddler groups, then pre-school when she was three.

Are you saying that you have never attended a toddler group at all? Why not?

Everyone's toddler has been 'that' toddler at some point !! He's 2.5 and certainly at that age my DS took a while to get used to changed in routine.

A few things.

He's 2 and a half. Tiny still. And somewhere he hasn't been before. He won't know the rules of engagement.

Not all kids suit all classes and vice versa. If what he wants is to climb things / run around / whatever, taking him to a group where they do crafts and sing songs isn't going to work. He'll hate it and you'll feel like a failure. Just don't do that to yourself.

I'm three kids in and I have been to a lot of groups/classes/church halls etc. The only people I shoot daggers at are the ones who stare at their phone, coffee or friend while their kid does something dangerous or unpleasant to another child. Most other things are fair game at this age.

This is what was crossing my mind. He can follow directions to some extent but struggles to sit still for long and I suppose it hasn’t been an issue I had noticed at home, or taking him to the park and soft play. Is it because he’s used to running around lots and outside, and that’s what he loves to do, or is it that he actually can’t sit still for the tasks. Or maybe it is something he needs to learn and the group will help him to do this after a few sessions

HA HA HA!

I avoided them groups like the plague. Always found the mums very cliquey and judgey

If he's never been to any kind of organised group befor of course he's not going to know what to do! He's used to doing what he wants.

You can't expect a 2.5 year old to look around the room and think 'oh right, we all sit down now. Got it.'

Hell, that something that some adults struggle with. Keep taking him and he'll get it.

You just have to be a big Teflon coated.

We did do baby groups together and I’m certainly not mum of the year, I should have started a toddler group sooner but I’ve always taken him to various activities and events, on day trips. I know he will benefit with a group in his week too. Better late than never, as they say

You are so right, everything he’s done before from walking age isn’t particularly structured!

Thank you so much everyone, feeling like a much better mama

Some kids are just more energetic... let him get it out his system... go to huge fields and run around like mad.

My son was the same, always on the go. But he now sits beautifully and concentrates because he was able to run like mad when younger.

Honestly can’t thank you enough, you lovely lot x

Awww @somethingiremember my DS2 was very much THAT toddler. I recall several awful play group incidents that left me in tears.

Today he is 13 and the shyest, most sensitive and delightful boy.

To this day, I have no idea why he behaved as he did. His older brother was quiet and gentle and we didn't parent any differently second time round.

Lmao sorry I know this must've been awful for you but it really made me laugh

FWIW OP I've been taking mine to baby groups since he was 3 months old and then onto toddler groups and it's still hit and miss whether he sits in the group and joins in or if he runs off and does his own thing. Eh they're still babies, they're so little, they're just learning and having fun I wouldn't sweat it x I also wouldn't overthink the other mum's expression, maybe she's a silly judgy cow whose lack of empathy renders any opinion she has irrelevant, maybe she was just looking over and has resting bitch face she can't help, maybe she was worried for you, maybe she was empathising and your own insecurity meant you misread it, maybe she was thinking thank fuck it's someone else this week lol. Who knows x

Exactly this. If it's your first time, it's to be expected.

Glad I made people laugh, I can laugh now. I was numb when he did it. I saw it and at first thought I'd imagined it, nope, big smelly log for all to see, he was so proud. I picked it up with a nappy bag and cleaned the floor. He's 7 now.

Thankfully DD has never done such a thing, apart from projectile pooing up a toilet cubicle wall when she was about 8 weeks 😂