Is my toddler THAT toddler? I left in tears

[somethingiremember]

Yesterday I started a toddler group with my DC and ended up sitting in the car afterwards crying. I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m not usually someone like this but it has obviously hit a nerve.

I’m a SAHM so DC doesn’t go to nursery or pre-school and I’m used to taking DC out and about with me. It can be a handful, DC is energetic but what I thought was a typical tot. Anyway, I get to the group and DC is running all over the place and I’m trying to encourage joining in with the tasks. I can see all the other children there are following along and DC suddenly stands out like a sore thumb. I was doing my best in the situation whilst my heart was sinking and then one of the other mums gave me a look that I can’t put into words but made me feel like the worst mum in the world. I felt so protective of DC and just wanted to leave so sort of hurried off at the end when the other mums all had a chat. DH thinks I should have stayed to talk and thinks DC just has bags of energy. I’m worried it is more than this and it has taken me nearly 3 years to notice.

Has anyone else had something similar happen? Is it because I’m a SAHM and would have noticed earlier otherwise? Or have I landed in a group of very well behaved children and DC seems a bit wild compared to them?

Your replies have made me laugh and smile and tear-up and everything between! I think I went down a rabbit hole thinking he’s going to struggle at school now but, as everyone has said, he is an excited 2.5 year old (actually not even, 2 years 4 months!) and not all children like to sit calmly at this age.

I love what you said about finding the right group and that people with children who like sitting and threading will keep going back to that group, and people with more spirited children will find a different group more suited. My plan is to go to a few more sessions and we’ll stop off at the park first to burn off steam and then, if it still doesn’t fit, try another until it does. Maybe my parting gift could be a poo on the floor otherwise 😂 Thank you everyone ❤️ x

My third was (and is) THAT CHILD. I've had to develop a thick skin.

But bear in mind it was your child first time. Those other kids could have been attending a year or more. He needs to get use to the routine and use to the noise, excitement, new toys. Don't nag at him, follow his lead and encourage interest in what he's playing with.

There are lots of children like this out there, they're just not at these groups for a reason!

My youngest never wanted to sit still so I never bothered with the activity based groups, I took him to free flowing ones in large spaces and volunteered to help set them up so that I could pull out toys that I knew he would like!!!

There's such a variance, my third dc (although being raised like an only due to big gap) is the opposite of yours. So shy and timid need to be dragged into enjoying anything and would rather sit in my lap and cuddle for the whole session. Often trampled by the more boisterous kids and ignored by group leaders once they can't be cajoled to join in.
If I even gently try to prise them off it's floods of tears. I've often left and cried in the car desperate for my dc to be brave enough to actually join in stuff and not spend her whole life sat at home.
We're all worrying and barley anyone has the time or energy to be judging others

Also good point I'd take him to a free flow playgroup rather than a structured story time/ rhyme group.

I run a structured group and it's all young babies and toddler girls

Awww. He's 2.5. A baby. My now 7 year old was absolutely "that" child and I haven't batted an eyelid about it. He's never liked to sit still for more than a moment but in school now he's pretty well behaved and regularly gets additional praise from the teachers. He's grown into his boisterous personality and I wouldn't change a thing. All my children are different and this one has proven to be the most demanding but also the most fun! I also didn't bother with baby groups for him as I frankly couldn't be bothered to be chasing him around the whole time while the other children all "seemed" to sit nice. They probably weren't but I didn't need that stress.

Your child is 3. Some kids are just active and that’s where their development is progressing. Others like doing concentrated tasks. And that’s ok. Why should a three year old have to stop and do concentrated tasks? Why?

Just take your kid to do things that suit them. I only took mine to things that suited him. I did not try to make him be a square peg in a round hole.

The mother giving you ‘that’ look is an arse.

Labellimg your child ‘that’ child also shows you are consumed with thoughts of the judgement of others. Have confidence that you know your child and find groups that fit how they are developing. Being active is the miracle pill to good physical and mental health. It’s a great quality.

Why not have a look for a garden group? My DD loved the one we went to, you do have to keep an eye on them but it’s a more chilled environment, church groups can be good too as they usually have lots of different play areas and no one is too precious about them joining in.

My DC was like this, went to nursery from 9m, then preschool at the normal time, all the toddler groups.

He has autism and ADHD. It was noticed he was “different” quite early but only when he went to nursery did we get support to pursue diagnosis from all professionals involved.

I would seek support from GP and read up on where to go from here if you are concerned.

At 2.5 my son was wild 😂 we found groups which suited us rather than trying to shoehorn him into a structured sit-down activity group. Our favourite was a music group which was just full of energy, the lady running it had loads of props and stuff and would just sing and clap and march and the kids just joined in as they were able. The first session my son ran round the edge in circles for pretty much the whole session. And that was fine! But he quickly learned the songs and routines and joined in.
He was never ever a sit down for register, clap your name, take turns to play your bells kinda kid (yeh, we went to Musical Monsters or whatever it was called, and nope we did not go back after the trial class 😂)
He started pre school age 3 and hated it. He just wanted to run around all the time. So much energy. He Did Not Sit.

FWIW he is now 15 and on a path to do very well in his GCSEs and teachers always compliment his behaviour in class so he did learn to sit still somewhere along the way 😁

My little boy is exactly the same! I remember leaving a music class almost in tears a few months ago (he's 2 tomorrow) after he just wanted to run, climb and wave/pull faces at the kids he could see outside the hall we were in (it was run out of a primary school). I don't bother with those sorts of things anymore, we go out every day but not to structured classes!

I'm pretty sure my parents took me to zero playgroups. Started kindergarten at 3 but before that mainly looked after by babysitters/family. I'm a fairly well adjusted adult now. I really wouldn't overthink it

I saw and thought of you op:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxX0trHtPWn/?igshid=NzZhOTFlYzFmZQ==

Might help x

I'd try a different group. My DD really played up at one we tried because the activities were too slow with a lot of waiting about between. Another one we went to was much better. Or start off at a stay and play type of thing?

My girl was like the toddler described in the OP. 🤣

Some DCs just have a lot of energy and that's not a bad thing, having lots of fizz and curiosity. I had one DC who wouldn't sit still at all, and one who did.

The one with lots of energy, I got used to keeping an eye on all the time, and learned to judge when to step in and when to roll with it. If they are burning off energy and exploring, fine. If they are disturbing others, not fine and would step in.

There's no need to do it because you fear the disapproval of others though, you learn to grow a thicker skin with that. It's about letting them be themselves, but also guiding them into seeing that if there's a fun group activity, then sometimes there is value in joining in with that because they will enjoy it or benefit from it, not because they are "being a nuisance" to others if they don't.

As they got older, at parties if the energy levels were hyped up, I would take them outside for a couple of minutes to calm down an re-set. I wouldn't make a big thing of it, I'd just quietly take them out for a moment of fresh air and that would help calm any developing wild behaviour down.

They are older now and delightful. Very funny, creative, still energetic and curious, but they are appropriately behaved and know how to behave properly in more formal social settings too, ie restaurants, or at occasions. Never had a problem at school either. I have spent years putting the groundwork in young though because, had I completely left them to it and not guided, it's quite possible they could have been one of those annoying kids who just don't ever know when to stop. I wanted to teach them when to let go and have fun and be themselves and not squash their spirit, but also recognise that other people can get annoyed past a certain energy or silliness level that continues for too long. I guess I tried to teach them empathy as well, eg at parties, if it was candles blowing time, rather than carrying on running around, that they needed to gather round with the others and sing Happy Birthday and recognise that it was the birthday child's moment. Little things like that really.