Is my toddler THAT toddler? I left in tears

[somethingiremember]

Yesterday I started a toddler group with my DC and ended up sitting in the car afterwards crying. I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m not usually someone like this but it has obviously hit a nerve.

I’m a SAHM so DC doesn’t go to nursery or pre-school and I’m used to taking DC out and about with me. It can be a handful, DC is energetic but what I thought was a typical tot. Anyway, I get to the group and DC is running all over the place and I’m trying to encourage joining in with the tasks. I can see all the other children there are following along and DC suddenly stands out like a sore thumb. I was doing my best in the situation whilst my heart was sinking and then one of the other mums gave me a look that I can’t put into words but made me feel like the worst mum in the world. I felt so protective of DC and just wanted to leave so sort of hurried off at the end when the other mums all had a chat. DH thinks I should have stayed to talk and thinks DC just has bags of energy. I’m worried it is more than this and it has taken me nearly 3 years to notice.

Has anyone else had something similar happen? Is it because I’m a SAHM and would have noticed earlier otherwise? Or have I landed in a group of very well behaved children and DC seems a bit wild compared to them?

You've literally described my 3 year old. I have left groups crying before and he does attend childcare settings. He just has endless energy and is completely wild. He cannot be tamed 🤪

Your son is probably just enthusiastic, a bit like a puppy let off its lead for the first time. He shows spirit, and unless he is being destructive, I see nothing wrong.

Another mum at one of these groups, once said to me, "he gives you a hard time, doesn't he?" and I felt just like you did.
Keep persevering.

He's only 2.5.

He's not meant to conform

Aw! He’s only two and sounds gorgeous.

Two year olds should be a bit wild I think. It’s a sign you’re doing a fantastic job and I mean that sincerely.

DD was just like this. And she went to nursery FT from 15 months so was not under socialised or lacking in routine, her social skills were also great. She just hated sitting, circle time etc. It took until Y1 for her to conform so you might be in for a longgg slog!

I had this toddler. Wanted to open and shut the door, run up and down the corridor and play with the fire extinguisher rather than join in with the group.

My DC2 could not be more different. Has a close range, sits quietly next to me in groups and pays attention to the teacher. At less than 1yo! It's bizarre. I watch mums of other children running out of the room to retrieve them while my haughty little bubba looks on disapprovingly 😂.

Fwiw DC1 is now a confident and exceptionally chilled 5yo. Still bags of energy, but able to channel it more appropriately. Too early to know how my angelic DC2 will turn out with, but I'll let you in on a secret - DC2 is a bit of a whine and a cling-on at home 😆. Despite all the buzz and the energy, DC1 was the easier baby and I suspect will have been the easier toddler.

Please go back or try another toddler group as these social interactions will be good for both of you.

One of my best friends has an unfortunate natural resting bitch face but she’s very generous and kind hearted, so if you came across her and simply mis-read her facial expression as being mean, you’d be completely wrong and you’d be losing out on a good friendship opportunity.

Also, I used to help run a toddler group years ago and we were all volunteers. Despite having a basic rota to ensure that one person was the nominated greeter for that session, when things happen, it could mean that the greeter was otherwise engaged with another mum and failed to spot a lonely worried new mum. It wasn’t because the mum or her child were not welcome.

Both my DDs at 2.5 were run around type toddlers. Some of my friends' kids were sit still type toddlers. He sounds perfectly fine for a 2.5 year old. Some kids of reception age still struggle to sit still!

My DD2 in particular used to leg it round in circles at toddler groups, when the other kids were singing a song at the end. I think she just liked having a massive room to run around in.

The only thing that used to annoy me is if a toddler was pushing others, snatching toys etc and the parent didn't intervene (I mean they all do that but the parent needs to intervene at that point). Other than that I don't see a problem!

My son was like this. Never wanted to sit still. We were told off at Tumble Tots for going the wrong way on the equipment! Asked to leave ballet for being too bouncy. Asked to go in a different gymnastics class...

Now he is 18, irrepressible, resilient and a charming and confident young man. Still full of energy.

Some children just don't want to sit in the circle...

Ah bless you. I'm sorry you drove home crying! I once did the same after a particularly energetic sports class where all the other little ones joined in, mine ran hell for leather for a solid hour, didn't listen and I pulled a calf muscle trying to chase him when he escaped. He's great at listening at home but put him in public and he turns feral.

One of the mums kindly saw me in a bit of distress and had a chat - she asked if he went to nursery etc. I said no (I'm also a SAHM) and she said they find classes easier when they do as they're more used to structure. Made me feel a lot better.

Anyway, mines nearly 3 now and I've realised that despite trying to give him a varied existence, all he wants to really is run, climb, push toys along and play with his train. So that's what we do - we do things to burn off energy. I don't like indoor groups and classes very much anyway so it works for us!

The other mum might have had a resting bitch face and just happen to look your way. I was permanently frowning with my young children and sometimes had to remember to fix my face 🌸

All children are different, the other children might be more used to the structure of the class and your little one is just excited to have a new place to have fun.... i remember leaving a class and feeling the same as you because my nearly 2 year old kicked a crawling baby who was trying to steal his truck and then threw firman sam at another boys head because he didnt want to share that either 🙈 i felt like the worst mum in the world. He started nursery when he turned 2 and i thought he was going to be a nightmare if im honest, but he wasnt, hes an absolute angel there... so anyway, your not on your own, kids are kids, dont worry too much about it x

Personally I would only attend toddler groups where there are plenty of toys and they can just play with what they wish without the expectations of sitting down. My daughter was like this. You need to find groups where he can just play. If you haven't taken him to many groups by now you really should have done it earlier. My 19 months old goes to several toddler groups a week. The church ones are usually the best. The last one even had a cosy coupe car to play in. I presume he is going to preschool at three so he needs to get used to being with other kids.

You are the mum we want at our group. You need it and lo will love it. Don't forget the excitement of going somewhere new for him and that others are more used to what is going on.

I teach violin, and the younger sibling of one of my students has always been very independent and exploratory when attending my pupil concerts etc. Even a year ago age 4 she was reluctant to just sit down and listen for a bit. She's just started lessons with me age 5.5 and it has been an absolute dream so far!

If your child enjoyed the session then definitely go back again, children that age need time and repetition to understand what is going on and what is expected. And the more independent exploratory types can prove to be wonderfully creative and interesting as they gradually get older.

Don't worry 2.5 is peak handful. Mine was a bloody horrorshow at the toddler groups at that age, now 3 years ago 2 months and so much better regulated. As others have said you are doing great, keep it up xx

DS also used to just run around and not join in at toddler group. Like you, I would get so upset seeing the other kids participating and doing what they were supposed to while I looked like the mother that can’t control her kid.

Now I look back and think- I should have just let him get on with it instead of getting so wound up.

DS is now 7 and great at following instructions and joining in, even though he’s still not much a fan of group activities!

Try to encourage your DC to join in, but if they don’t then let them just have fun and hopefully you will be able to make some friends. Saying that, some groups are just horrible and if you don’t think you will be happy there then find another one

My 2.5 yo has been doing 2 days per week at nursery since he was 11m, and has also recently started preschool, and he was similar at a new toddler group I tried out this week! Didn't want to get involved with anything crafty/cake making type thing, and when it was time for singing songs in a little circle he decided he was going to run back and forth up and down the hall and try and bust out the fire escape door! Face palm moment. I think they're just a handful at this age and enjoy different things. Don't sweat it!

My son was 15 months old when he discovered he could flap his hand at the wrist. Was busy being fascinated watching himself flap his own hand, sat on his own, just watching it. Flapped his hand near a maybe 1 year old's face who'd crawled near him (they were in a soft play). Didn't touch him. The gust of air made the boy cry. I apologised to the mum who was super frosty about it, though she said "it's ok" before she walked off to sit and chat with other mums. I stupidly didn't think much of the hand flapping. My son suddenly flapped his hand again and this time it was near the boy's face enough he just about lightly touched a whisp of hair. Not skin, the edge of a bit of hair. The younger boy started crying his eyes out as I went to move my son away when the mother, who'd left the baby on the other side of the soft play on his own, came SCREAMING over, "you NASTY LITTLE BOY!" at my 15 month old. She told me I was a terrible mother, I was raising nasty children etc, he was nothing but a nasty child to make her baby cry. Oh, I cried so hard. I didn't dare go to another soft play again for 3 years after that, I felt like a shit, stupid idiot of a mother to not of thought flapping his hand would upset another baby.

@YouJustDoYou . Wow, that mother sounds deranged. I've had my child be bitten, hit in the face and whacked with toys by other children and In would never have dreamed of screaming at the child.

Two of mine (I have three) were incredibly active and always running and climbing rather than sitting still. They're both teens now, both are kind and well behaved, they're very sporty too!

I don't think not attending toddler groups makes you a bad parent.....

Try not to over think it, very easy not to when it is your child and naturally sensitive to situations. He was obviously very excited with his new surroundings. Ignore the funny looks Mum (there’s always one) unfortunately you will encounter all sorts over the years, and you just have to ignore. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

I look back at my experience of the children’s baby and toddlerhood and honestly, toddler groups are my least favourite memory. I did loads of baby and toddler groups with dc1 and honestly couldn’t say I enjoyed any of them. He also was the child who, while the other children were sitting in a circle singing, would be playing with the broom and mop in the corner of the room. He was never ‘wild’, just not at all interested in sitting down with other children and doing stuff! At his very outdoorsy nursery he was absolutely fine, and now at the age of 8 he’s perfectly well behaved and capable of sitting still and paying attention - although, like a previous poster said, probably still not the greatest fan of group activities (and neither am I! ) I also never particularly jelled with any of the other mums there and found the conversation all quite forced.

With dc2 I sacked off the baby and toddler groups and watched box sets and ate biscuits and did some volunteering (that I could take him to). A much more pleasant experience!

Both my DC hated toddler classes. One used to rattle the doors at baby gym to get home.

They don’t need them, they’re mostly for the mums. I didn’t want need that either…

Just take him to the park and don’t worry