Child hates swimming

[Solitaryasanoyster]

My son is 7 and has been having swimming lessons since he was a baby.
This last year he has steadily become a more anxious and is now terrified of swimming and cries in lessons.
His younger sibling has started lessons with him and is leaps about bounds ahead and it’s very noticeable how behind he is considering he has had lessons for SO long.
On a recent holiday he was jumping in the pool, albeit with a float, with zero fear. But when his teacher ask him to swim unaided, he just cries and says no.
I think swimming is an important life skill and don’t want him to stop learning but how do I try to encourage him to be less scared and convince him he is not going to drown like he thinks?!

Sorry I can't help but gere for the tips! My 7 year old can't make progress as he absolutely refuses to put it face in the water. Has been stuck at stage 1 for 2 years. Quite happy to splash around with a noodle on holiday.

Why it an important life skill?

And so what if he doesn't like swimming?

He's 7 he could learn when he's 30 if he chooses.

My dad forced me to go swimming when I didn't want. "What if you fall in water?" He'd say. I'm 43. I've never fell in water by a accident and I can still feel rage being forcing to do something I didn't want to do.

It’s important for many reasons!
When he gets older they will have lessons in school with peers and I don’t want him to be very obviously behind/embarrassed.
Where we live, children often have swimming parties which he may feel left out of if he is scared of the water etc. I don’t want him to be lacking in confidence around water, it’s not just about in case he ever falls in, though that is also another contributing factor. I would do anything to help him.
With all due respect, I was looking for tips to help his confidence, not asking for opinions on whether you agree with my views on the importance of swimming.

When I was 8 I had a swimming teacher who scared the absolutely shit out of me. I was terrified of swimming for about 2 years after that.
Have you asked him why he is afraid?

Can he swim unaided yet?

If yes, just let him have a break from lessons for a bit. He might like it more if it's just a fun thing without the pressure of lessons.

If no, I'd also let him have a break. If seven years of lessons still haven't taught him to swim it won't hurt giving it a rest for a few months.

Can you afford 1 to 1 lessons. My son would hyperventilate at the thought of letting go of the side at 7. We put him in 1 to 1 lessons. By the time he was 8 he was swimming competitively and now swims at National level.

So force him to do something he hates.
That'll work real well.

Or wait until he chooses to learn because he sees he's missing out.

You want him to learn because you fear he is missing out because you fear he'll be embarrassed because you believe it's important.
You ain't doing it for him, own it.

Could you maybe try a few private lessons to get him over the hurdle? I know this might not be possible as they are pricey but if he had proper 1 on 1 time for a few lessons to help his confidence he might then do better in his normal lessons?

Hope you find something that works. We live near the sea and want to be able to go abroad on holiday and have the kids both have fun and be safe in the pool so absolutely agree this is an essential life skill.

I take my kids every week, just for fun. No lessons. They are very hand confident in the water. Not technically great swimmers, but safe, confident, happy.

Take a break from the lessons. I’m a really strong swimmer, don’t like putting my face in though. It doesn’t matter.

PurpleMonkeys

Why it an important life skill?
Being a non swimmer is shit. When you go on any form of a holiday inevitably you end up just standing there doing nothing while people are jumping in, splashing or swimming.

Sometimes children are made do things for the best, in our house the amount of things we said ‘oh I’d they don’t want to, we’ll leave them’, granted some things were things we couldn’t afford but now, as older kids and teens, they wish they’d done certain things or are saying their friends can do certain things etc

Yeah as above, swimming is a non negotiable life skill. One of the adults in our household cannot swim and it limits enjoyment and options for outings and holidays.

The kids love swimming and have so many more opportunities because of it. I took my 8 year old for surfing lessons (which requires participants to be able to swim). They can go on water slides/flumes. It's good exercise in future.

I think I wouldn't push it too far at this age. Maybe it's the instructor he's not keen on, or something else? Consider trying again in a year or two. It's not the end of the world to give up for the time being, or try in a different pool / different tutor or something. Better just use kid gloves and not force him into it as it will give him more of a complex!

I think it’s a great skill to have but everyone has their appr to learn. Maybe this isn’t his moment.

As regards people needing it in hols. Until we had kids I’d not been near a pool or beach holiday since I was 9 or 10

I think having his younger sibling in the same class might have made things worse. DS’ swimming instructor actively puts siblings in different classes to avoid competitiveness etc - she said seeing a much younger sibling succeed can often ingrain the belief that they’re shit at swimming. I think you’re better off pulling him out of the classes - they clearly aren’t working for him - and find another instructor. I’d suggest private - more expensive per lesson but you need fewer lessons so might be cheaper overall. For example I know a boy who learned how to swim in a single 30min private lesson!

Kids 7
Doesn't want to go swimming.

So what if he waits till he's 10? 15? 20?

Why aren't you're teens learning whatever it is they missed out? People live for 70+ years, all being well, they plenty of time to do whatever the other kids did.

I say it’s an essential skill. Non-swimmers often die in water they can stand in - all it takes is them to get off balance or get caught in a rip tide and they have no chance. At least someone who can swim can float.

My son was similar, I got private lessons in a local small pool for him where I could also be in the water. As it was I didn't need to be in the water as he built trust one to one with the teacher and eventually they could lose the pool noodle. He is now an amazing swimmer. Maybe you could find something similar? It was £15 for half an hour which was more than enough time as its much more intense one to one.

Is it the group lesson that's bothering him? Maybe try 121 lessons?

My DD hated swimming lessons but loved coming swimming with me. I just stopped the classes and taught her to swim myself.

We had lots of fun. She's now very confident in the water and it was a damn sight cheaper!

PurpleMonkeys
Kids 7
Doesn't want to go swimming.

So what if he waits till he's 10? 15? 20?

Why aren't you're teens learning whatever it is they missed out? People live for 70+ years, all being well, they plenty of time to do whatever the other kids did.

Really easy to say but, in particular with sports the older you are the harder it is and not all kids are enthusiastic learners- they just want to know how to do it! I was the same- my dad was a musician, he played piano in a band. I gave up after a few months because I wanted to be further on, then as a teen was looking at people doing exams thinking I wished I’d kept on but progress was so slow I gave up again. It’s quicker and easier to learn anything the younger you are. Easily evident with all children!

My son left football and then when he decided age 12 he wanted to join he hated how far ahead people were at practices.

Learning to swim in the last few years as I have been trying to do is so hard, kids get it within a few short years, I flounder about, am tired and sore and pushing on while simultaneously I see children fire on and away!!

I'd stop the lessons, and go back to the holiday style fun session with a parent there.
Yes, swimming is a important skill. But right now, the first step is to get him confident and happy in the water again. Then look at the next steps.

PS he won't be the only one at school swimming lessons who can't swim if that's the stage he's at when those come round.

Go swimming just for fun at least once a week.

I would also suggest 1:1. I wasted so much time and money booking DS2 into lessons from around age 4, there was always a reason why he didn’t want to go or he was miserable when he was there. Even his big brother being able to swim didn’t encourage him. With a move to Aus imminent (he was 7) I changed to 1:1 lessons and he was swimming within six weeks. Being able to swim when we got here meant he could make the most of his surroundings and could safely join in at pool parties.

I would stop the lessons and you go with him yourself.
Take the pressure off and have fun in the water and practice with him.

He was fine on holiday and hates the lessons.
He might feel uncomfortable with the teacher? Has he said? He might hate the pressure of having to swim in front of other people etc.

Stop the lessons for now and take regularly yourself to fun sessions to help him change perception. Try again with lessons in 6 months or so