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Original poster

I don't like my daughter boyfriend

121 replies

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 10:01

So it may seem strange to post as my DD is a grown woman she is 24, but I am just looking for advice. So my DD has been with her partner for over year and they share a house together but she will not let me meet him, she says it's because of the way I speak of her partner but I'm not a fan of the area he lives in, which is now the area she has moved to with him. I worry that he may not be good enough for her and she has become very introverted and a different person since being with him. What can I do to help make this situation better ?

OP posts:
MariaVT65 · 04/09/2023 11:47

gabagood · 04/09/2023 11:27

Jesus fucking Christ.

My sentiments exactly.

You’re asbolutely entitled to your opinion (even though it’s nuts), but the issue is the way in which you’re expressing it. It is clearly damaging the relationship between you and your daughter.

You seriously need to get into your head that not everyone who lives in an area is a violent drug dealer or whatever it is you’re afraid of. I come from a very rough area originally. Ironically, I was still sent to private school as my parents chose to stay in our house and not move. We made lovely friends in the area too.

Just judging by someone’s postcode is crazy. Sounds to me like your daughter is making the right judgement. I also think you need to understand that as your daughter is now an adult, you have literally no power over her. She is an equal to you and should be respected.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/09/2023 11:48

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:46

I will find it hard to sit down and speak with him as I am very set in my mind. My daughter tells me she will let me meet him if I promise not to shout and voice my opinion as she believes he doesn't deserve to be exposed to my opinions. But I told her I would find it hard and I will not lie about how I feel about the situation

Fuck me... so you can meet him but she's worried you'll be a bitch which is probably why she's dragged it out as long as she has. You can't have it both ways. Meet him and be nice or don't fucking bother.

Sounds like she can see straight through you too.

cruffinsmuffin · 04/09/2023 11:48

This is a one way ticket to posting in a years time "why is my daughter NC with me I don't understand 😔".

You're alienating your daughter - this won't end well for you. Perhaps you need to do some self help work and figure out why you think and feel this way and why you're prepared to put your own opinions above having a relationship with your daughter?

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SleeplessinSeattle53 · 04/09/2023 11:48

What do you actually want us to say OP? Should we completely agree that he must be a wrong un because of where he comes from?

Silvers11 · 04/09/2023 11:49

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 10:19

I will admit yes I have been judgemental of her previous partners, but that is because i feel I know her worth and sometimes she doesn’t realise it, as well as the background she comes from. I try to meet her on neutral ground to discuss it but she says she’s tired of speaking of it and just wants us all to get along for her. I find it hard to change my opinion because it was how I was raised

If you want to fix things with your daughter, you need to stop thinking that your family are better than other people's and stop being a snob. If you don't learn to change your opinion, you will lose your daughter, I'm sorry to say. I don't blame her not introducing you to her Partner. She must be so ashamed of you and your attitude

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 04/09/2023 11:51

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:46

I will find it hard to sit down and speak with him as I am very set in my mind. My daughter tells me she will let me meet him if I promise not to shout and voice my opinion as she believes he doesn't deserve to be exposed to my opinions. But I told her I would find it hard and I will not lie about how I feel about the situation

So you care more about running your mouth off than you do your daughter… nice.

D3LAN3Y · 04/09/2023 11:51

OP why do you feel you have to tell him anything though? Why do you feel you have to give him a piece of your mind? Why can't you accept your DD is happy with him?
You haven't lost her to him. She's willing to try despite how YOU are behaving. It's OK to feel how you are. We all worry as parents but she is an adult. She can make these choices. She's going to.
Don't you want to be included? What happens in the future if she decides to go no contact? That won't be his fault. That will be your own making.

MariaVT65 · 04/09/2023 11:52

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:46

I will find it hard to sit down and speak with him as I am very set in my mind. My daughter tells me she will let me meet him if I promise not to shout and voice my opinion as she believes he doesn't deserve to be exposed to my opinions. But I told her I would find it hard and I will not lie about how I feel about the situation

Wow. Are you for real? You sound like a dramatic fictional television character.

Sounds like you are very lucky to still be in contact with your daughter at this rate.

TheShellBeach · 04/09/2023 11:52

What's a "good, middle class background"?

Triffid1 · 04/09/2023 11:52

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Fallingthroughclouds · 04/09/2023 11:52

You may be middle class, but you sound like you have no manners, empathy, understanding or sense. I take back what I said before, you seem very mean minded and arrogant.

D3LAN3Y · 04/09/2023 11:53

What happens if they decide to get married or have children in the future?
Even if you believe its a mistake, those are hers to make.

smashburger · 04/09/2023 11:55

You sound jealous that she's moving on an you haven't got her to yourself anymore.

Agree with IDontLoveTheWayYouLie
Unhealthy

MariaVT65 · 04/09/2023 11:56

This reply has been deleted

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I’m not convinced either. It’s difficult to believe someone with this postcode opinion exists. But at the same time, I can.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/09/2023 11:56

D3LAN3Y · 04/09/2023 11:53

What happens if they decide to get married or have children in the future?
Even if you believe its a mistake, those are hers to make.

Then OP will have little poor grandkids who live in a shit area, who she never sees but still hates.

Olika · 04/09/2023 11:57

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 10:08

She doesn’t come to visit as much she says she finds it’s difficult because I will voice my concerns about her situation

She has clearly told you why she is not visiting or want you to meet her partner.

Silvers11 · 04/09/2023 11:59

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:46

I will find it hard to sit down and speak with him as I am very set in my mind. My daughter tells me she will let me meet him if I promise not to shout and voice my opinion as she believes he doesn't deserve to be exposed to my opinions. But I told her I would find it hard and I will not lie about how I feel about the situation

Just seen this update @lemonpeaxh20

You asked how you make things better. Well if you're not prepared to keep your mouth shut and are determined to say it like you see it - go right ahead and watch your daughter walk out of your life. She is 24 and an adult. I'm not sure either why you posted on here, because you are clearly not willing to take any advice, but are going to stick to your guns regardless

TheShellBeach · 04/09/2023 12:01

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:46

I will find it hard to sit down and speak with him as I am very set in my mind. My daughter tells me she will let me meet him if I promise not to shout and voice my opinion as she believes he doesn't deserve to be exposed to my opinions. But I told her I would find it hard and I will not lie about how I feel about the situation

You mustn't judge someone before you've even met them, OP.
That's terribly rude. It's no wonder your daughter is reluctant to allow you to meet her boyfriend.
What does your husband say about this?
Have you got any other children? What do they think?

pinkyredrose · 04/09/2023 12:02

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:39

I think to make it personal about my spelling and grammar is completely uncalled for ! There's no need to make it personal about me when I have come for advice. Also for those who keep saying I can't have an opinion when I haven't met him, I have tried numerous times yet she will not arrange a date for us to meet.

Doesn't stop you having your opinion though!

ThreeBearsPorridge · 04/09/2023 12:03

‘Her worth’ how you were raised? Making judgements on someone before you’ve met them? No wonder she stays away. You sound intolerable.

QforCucumber · 04/09/2023 12:05

What on earth would you say to him OP? So no hi how are you? What do you do? Etc,

you really intend to meet him, shake his hand and tell him your daughter deserves better and that you have already decided you don't like him? Is that really absolutely how that conversation is going to go?

You are not at all a nice person if that is the case and absolutely amazing that your daughter has grown to be so well rounded and accepting of others with a judgemental parent such as yourself

Keepingthingsinteresting · 04/09/2023 12:06

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:39

I think to make it personal about my spelling and grammar is completely uncalled for ! There's no need to make it personal about me when I have come for advice. Also for those who keep saying I can't have an opinion when I haven't met him, I have tried numerous times yet she will not arrange a date for us to meet.

It’s no wonder she won’t introduce you, she clearly knows you well and has good judgment.

you have shown your bigoted opinions are more important that supporting your daughter, so you’ve brought this on yourself, or if you prefer, you’ve made your bed and you own have to lie in it.

Maddy70 · 04/09/2023 12:09

lemonpeaxh20 · 04/09/2023 11:46

I will find it hard to sit down and speak with him as I am very set in my mind. My daughter tells me she will let me meet him if I promise not to shout and voice my opinion as she believes he doesn't deserve to be exposed to my opinions. But I told her I would find it hard and I will not lie about how I feel about the situation

Then you no longer have a daughter. You made that choice she's made hers.

oynix · 04/09/2023 12:09

I hope this is a troll, but unfortunately there are genuinely people ou there who are this stuck up and controlling.

Barney60 · 04/09/2023 12:11

In my opinion I do not believe I am being snobby at all, I feel as a mother I am entitled to a opinion of who my daughter dates.

YES you are entitled to your opinion, BUT, you need to learn to keep it to yourself, biggest lesson i learnt when my own daughter was dating a non desirable (whom is now in prison for something VERY bad. Daughter now married to the loveliest of men) keep your enemy's close.
Also your daughter is not a child, has a brain to work out for herself, IF, it does go wrong you NEVER say i told you so.
Just be nice, smile and keep all opinions to yourself or you will push her away.

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