‘You shouldn’t have anymore kids’

[Dreamingofthree]

We have 2 and we seem to constantly get you shouldn’t have anymore.

when I was pregnant with #2 people would ask were we planning more, we weren’t sure then so basically said maybe.. met with oh no you shouldn’t have more

after the birth similar question and even dh boss said we shouldn’t have anymore

weve had it from relatively random people are baby groups and such. Things along the lines of ‘one of each must be done now’ me ‘im not sure yet, maybe, maybe not’ ‘no you should definitely stop’

then my mum today… she’s always been very vocal on how we shouldn’t even contemplate more children and now my kids are too close in age but today she practically walloped me over the head with it and went on and on

is this common? If they weren’t totally random people I’d start to get paranoid.

we are lucky to have a 6 figure income in our mid 30s (both under 35 and I’m younger than dh) and a 4 bed house with options around for bedrooms for children.

already have a large enough car. I never really moan about my kids or them being a handful and we have limited help

is this a common reaction? Or has the world teamed up to tell me I’m a shit parent

It's not common to say this out loud (though a lot of people do privately think more than 2 is bad for the planet) so yes I think your instinct that it is something personal to you may well be the correct one.

Pretty common. Lots of people think everyone should stop after two children, especially one of each.

It's nonsense, not to mention none of their business. You have as many as you like!

My mum is quite stringent her way is the right way, she had 2 so 2 is the best

dh boss… never met the woman, she’s never seen us parent would be weird to have an opinion

random people in baby groups and taxi drivers - I’m not sure what basis they’d have… maybe I just look a hot mess

Actually think DH boss said something about being considerate for the people struggling ttc in the wider team now that I’m thinking about it…

I find that very weird. Whose business is it except for yours? No-one's. They should keep their opinions to themselves! Next time say thank you, your random opinion has been noted and duly discarded!

How many kids did your mum have? In a way it’s interesting as clearly she thinks she couldn’t/didn’t cope with more.

Husband’s boss should tread carefully, is it legal to say that?

If you’re confident you and DH are caring well for the 2 kids you have, fuck them and make your own plans about your family.

Umm.. that's not a reason to not add to your family if you so wish! Bizarre. I mean don't be in their face about any further pregnancies but you wouldn't change your family planning altogether to save the feelings of a work colleague!?!

Yes, it's common. I wanted to go ahead and have a third just to annoy everyone but it's not really a good enough reason.

And yet all these people. have formed an opinion and are expressing it to you without any qualms...
At the risk of sounding rude, there will be some reason, either relating to the way you parent (how the hell are taxi drivers giving their opinions on this, unless your kids are apparently uncontrollable in the cab??), or the way you adult 🤷🏻‍♀️ (DH's boss must have formed his opinion based on something they've seen in the way your dh either acts or manages his life).

Everywhere seems very crowded and packed - in England anyway so they likely think there are enough people here already. I agree with them actually.

I think 2 is considered the norm!
and honestly I think any more than 2 is crazy but just my opinion

Yep i got this as well. Even from a midwife when i was still in hospital (One of each sex and a life-threatening labour).

but 5 in your family can be a more difficult number than 4 for things like holiday rooms, seating on theme park rides (recent experience), etc

Funny after my second I was constantly asked if I was going to go for number 3 (definitely not). Maybe because we had two boys though they thought we might try again if or a girl

Theres this as well. Not just England.

Never have my kids in a taxi so they can’t have seen my parenting.

dh boss said it was something about the team

it’s very curious, im biased of course but my first is a sweet little Angel. Second a bit of a tear away now but the chillest newborn … it’s clearly the hot mess thing 😂mental note to book a haircut 💇‍♀️

I sort of get it with your mum. My mum said the same and that she wouldn’t be babysitting a 3rd 🤣 Anyone else needs to butt out. It sounds weird though, I can’t imagine a taxi driver saying something like that unless it was a hint that your existing 2 were being really badly behaved in his cab??

Never have my kids in a taxi so they can’t have seen my parenting
So how did the subject even come up?!

This boss is very very strange, I think she is the person struggling ttc

I think there's a perception that if you have one of each, then why would you want another. As if the sex of the baby is the only important consideration.

I had 4, so you can imagine the comments. My first 3 were boys and everyone questioned why we would contemplate a 4th, unless trying for a girl, which seemed to be the only acceptable answer. They could see the logic in that, but not in having a 4th baby just because we wanted one.
So I think it's probably that you have what they consider to be the 'right' set.

Twice has happened with taxi drivers

scenario 1: car was in for service and I needed to get to maternity appointment for second. Taxi driver made small talk, i said otw to mat appointment, asked baby 1/2 said 2 he asked did I know the sex, is it my first to which he said youre stopping now though right? One of each. I said don’t know this one isn’t fully cooked yet, he repeated I should stop- it was awkward

2- I took a taxi to meet some friends, kids and dh waved me off as they were going somewhere else. Small talk ensued, are they your kids, how old, planning on having anymore, i mentioned eldest wanting another baby to which I was told how much of a bad idea it was

ivr never taken my kids in taxis… car seats too much of a headache

That would make sense as I often get ‘one of each’ in these conversations like they are collectibles

Your DH's boss wants to watch herself - she cannot he telling people not to have more children because of the feelings of other employees. That's batshit crazy - being considerate at work is not cooking fish in the staff room microwave, not limiting the size of your family!

I never recommend more than 2 because I have 3 and really dislike it but I only offer that advice if someone asks.

Look them straight in the eye and say I think a football team is probably the end goal!

It’s seriously none of their business, we get harassed when are we having children and then told to stop, would you comment on how much someone’s eating after one mouthful or how much they’ve spent after the first shop? Calling out this rudeness is the only way

People do say it but you seem to be getting a lot of it.

I doubt it’s personal, it’ll just be that they or people they know have 3 and it was the straw that broke their back, etc. 3 is a lot, you can’t man mark, and all that.