‘You shouldn’t have anymore kids’

[Dreamingofthree]

We have 2 and we seem to constantly get you shouldn’t have anymore.

when I was pregnant with #2 people would ask were we planning more, we weren’t sure then so basically said maybe.. met with oh no you shouldn’t have more

after the birth similar question and even dh boss said we shouldn’t have anymore

weve had it from relatively random people are baby groups and such. Things along the lines of ‘one of each must be done now’ me ‘im not sure yet, maybe, maybe not’ ‘no you should definitely stop’

then my mum today… she’s always been very vocal on how we shouldn’t even contemplate more children and now my kids are too close in age but today she practically walloped me over the head with it and went on and on

is this common? If they weren’t totally random people I’d start to get paranoid.

we are lucky to have a 6 figure income in our mid 30s (both under 35 and I’m younger than dh) and a 4 bed house with options around for bedrooms for children.

already have a large enough car. I never really moan about my kids or them being a handful and we have limited help

is this a common reaction? Or has the world teamed up to tell me I’m a shit parent

But that risk is relative, you might have your third at the same age I’d have my first.

the increase in population is hugely because people are living longer.

I’ve heard a lot of this recently as I have one DD and am pregnant with a boy. My MIL even asked ‘which one of you is going to get the snip?’… as if it’s that easy as a woman to be sterilised!?
In their defence a lot of people warning me to stop at two (MIL included) had three or more and obviously felt in retrospect it was too much. Maybe you can interrogate the reasoning of these annoying people so they realise it’s their issue, not yours?

“I’m not looking for advice about that, thank you,” should work, if said firmly.

Not sure what you're wanting from this.

You're asking if this is common or something particular to you and a reflection on how you present as a parent / adult.

A couple of people have said they think you must be coming across as badly / unable to cope / wild kids because people would generally keep this info to themselves....and you've then started stating that it can't be personal to you because x, y, z.

Well what are you asking then? If you think it can't be personal to you and a reflection on your parenting, then it must just be idle chit chat and irrelevant then surely? Just ignore it.

There’s always one on MN

even if random people thought I wasn’t coping or my kids were wild it is still beyond rude to comment as such. But the spirit of my OP was ive heard it enough that I’m starting to think it could be personal not that I believe it to be personal. Aside from my mum these people haven’t even seen my kids so couldn’t comment with authority either way.

my point was, and it’s been backed up by many on this thread, there is something about family planning and more than 2 specifically if you have one of each that seems to trigger people to share their opinion, no matter how offensive

overpopulation critics about large families are extremely myopic, industrialisation and societies greedy want want nature for cheap is overwhelmingly causing climate change, so judging larger families And expecting my children ( who are apparently causing global warming and shouldnt be born) to slave away and fill the pension pot so they can eat and have heating….laughable.

OP pay it no mind

But the planet is massively over crowded?! Everywhere I go is rammed. We don’t need more people! How does that”future tax pAyers” concept ever end? If every generation is bigger than the one before you will need more and more born to sustain earlier generations ?! There is finite space and resources. AI will do most jobs anyway.

of course everywhere you go is crammed! we are all crammed into more and more dense cities whilst there are relatively unpopulated places in the world. I grew up in the caribbean on a relatively Small populated island - no cramming there. Maybe western cities are rammed to the hilt with people who want modern amenities, easy ping food access, cheaper clothes and shops then yes thats the result especially with it all being accessible to all -‘you have a free banquet the people will come’ don’t blame the odd person having 4 kids 🙄

My BF's Mum always encouraged her to have only 2 but she'd been born on the 1920s abd git married in the 1950s when contraception wasn't easily available. She had 2 then went on the have 2 more, including my BF.

Her Mum always said that more than too was too much, both monetarily and physically. I appreciate though that having 2 unplanned DC when you've already got 2 might have influenced her opinion though.

Before we had any, we had comments about not having children yet, ‘we shouldn’t’, we were fairly young
Having two was probably sociably acceptable because we had one of each. Debated being done (2nd wasn’t great at night, I’m not great with sleep deprivation!) but then a couple of years later had 3. Knew pretty much straight away we’d have 4 (bigger gap between 2 & 3, wanted that closeness again).
When I was pregnant with 3, I saw and heard nothing but negativity about having 3 (including on here). He was born just before lockdown, with homeschooling for the eldest two too, the hardest circumstances…and yet he was the easiest, the one that actually made me love having a baby, not just endure it. Completely contrary to everything I’d heard and read. 4 was harder I can’t lie 😆 but 3 was great

I find this so frustrating. People have two kids because they want two kids or can only afford two kids. They don’t just have two kids ‘because of the planet’. Otherwise why don’t they stay childfree or only have one? Oh wait, no, they have two because they want two. 🙄 They also continue to fly on planes and live wasteful lifestyles but it’s all ok because they’ve had the perfectly acceptable ‘two kids’ so do whatever else they want and pretend they’re protecting the environment. Just annoys me!

And I’m someone who is about to have my second and be done so I’m not saying this because I’ve got loads of my own. I just know it’s bs😬

I have 3.The youngest was a little accident.but the best accident I ever had. He was one of those babies who smiled and chuckled at everyone.

You should have the babies you want and want the unexpected ones as well. Worse things than a new baby can happen -death in the family, serious injury, chronic illness. You hold your baby and count your blessings and it's nobody's business how many you have.