Breastfeeding feeding heartbreak

[Millie90]

My baby is 3 weeks old and she has only been crawling slowly back up to her birth weight. She's clearly not getting enough milk because she feeds upwards of 15 hours a day non stop. Despite all this feeding I have just been to a clinic appointment to be told that she has lost weight again. I'm absolutely devastated, I just look into her little eyes and I can see that she's hungry!

She may have a tongue tie but I have been given an appointment in two weeks time to get this looked at! What, so she's supposed to carry on starving for another two weeks...I just can't bear this. Am I completely out of order if I just switch her to formula? I can't continue like this, the problem she is having is that she is trying to feed but doesn't seem to be swallowing the milk.

Please help me!

No. I'm not saying that at all. Thanks for making me feel worse, there's always one.

What I mean is, the breastfeeding has been so pushed and pushed that I now feel like if I give her formula I'm doing something wrong and I'm "giving up", which I'm not saying is the case but that's how I'm being made to feel which is why I'm so upset.

Who is making you feel like it's wrong to give formula?

This is a really twatty reply to someone who is postpartum and clearly emotionally struggling. Hope you feel better for getting that off your chest.

Millie90 sorry you’re going through this. Everyone knows formula isn’t poison but I completely resonate with your desire to breastfeed, I was the same. Maybe you could do a bit of both to keep your supply up until tongue tie sorted? Have you spoken to any breastfeeding advisors? Sending love

Can you get a private tongue tie appointments?

Sorry to hear you're having problems. Can you top her up with formula once you've fed her? That way she's getting what she can from you then not going hungry? You can always drop the formula once she's started gaining weight again?
I was told to drink plenty and eat a mars bar a day to boost my milk! That was 20 years ago, but worked!

You are not doing the wrong thing. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, I'm trying to make you face up to the fact that she's hungry, you don't have to struggle, the appointment is not for another two weeks. It's pretty self explanatory really. It's not just about the baby, it's how the mother feels too, you can't pour from an empty cup, stop making things hard for yourself.

You wouldn't be out of order for feeding your baby any way you want to.

What did the HV at the clinic say? Did they give any advice?

Cluster feeding for ages on end is quite normal for tiny babies. It's their way of stimulating your supply. Not necessarily a sign of being underfed.

If you want to continue breastfeeding but it's just the weight issue that you're worried about, you could try adding in a bottle or two of formula after BF to top up, then try to revert to EBF if she has her tongue tie severed at the appointment.

Whatever you do, the three weeks of breastmilk will have done her good. These things can seem all-important at the time but really - you're feeding her, she's doing ok, you need to top calories up a bit until the tongue tie can be sorted.

I felt like you did almost 20 years ago, and I expect the pressure now is even greater to breastfeed.
Trying formula is ok! It was a major turning point for me...for the better.
Each baby is different and each mum is different. Loads of people will tell you not to give up, but I think if you feel bottles and formula might work bloody go for it.

Your baby is hungry and not gaining weight. She must be crying a lot, and you must surely be absolutely knackered. Although breast is best, and that's promoted, it clearly isn't enough for her, and you certainly aren't getting the rest you need. Try giving formula, at least as a supplement, see if your little one gains weight (I guarantee she will), and stops being so hungry, then think about whether that would be the best thing to do all the time. You definitely won't be failing your baby.

Granny to 3, oe was breastfed and stayed very small for her age. The other 2 (one is 7 weeks) have thrived.

Did you really need to do this?

Congrats on your baby. These first few weeks are really tough.

give the NCT infant feeding line a ring and get some qualified information. See if they have a baby cafe in your area and pop along. Tongue tie can impact on milk transfer, but a change in position could improve the latch and transfer while you wait for the appointment.

You can also try using a Haakaa (about £15 on Amazon) to collect milk while you feed her. You can use that to top up if you need.

Cluster feeding at this age is normal and baby will feed little and often.

Immediate help though can be found from the infant feeding line I mentioned.

Fed is best.

if she’s losing weight already another 2 weeks isn’t going to be good for her. You could try mix feeding ?

15houra feeding a day is a lot when she’s not thriving. I would do. I’d or full formula in your case.

@Millie90 does she seem to be getting milk? Can you hear her swallowing? Is she taking a good mouthful of breast and sucking steadily?

Also-is she actually losing weight or just not putting it on as fast as you'd like?

@YukoandHiro

Yes! She needs to be told straight, not pussy footed around, the child is loosing weight.

Also, the breastfeeding heartbreak is ridiculously dramatic!

I should add that the middle GC had a tongue tie, and it was dealt with at the hospital very quickly and without any problem. She's the one who was breastfed, and is petite still, at the age of 8

@Mummaneedsabreak have you heard the expression ‘if you’ve nothing nice to say don’t say anything.’

You’ve dismissed the OP’s feelings, belittled her and offered no empathy at all.

Congratations on the safe arrival of your baby!
I struggled too with getting both babies up to birth weight and I wish I'd stopped struggling so much as I was told my milk supply would be fine for th baby. I ended up combined feeding with my first at about 6 weeks when I couldn't bear it any longer. I just bf her then topped up with formula. My DH also sent me to bed for many hours and used to enjoy formula feeding her whilst I had very much needed sleep! Honestly it was the best thing I did. I did keep combi feeding til I was ready to stop.
Good luck but please don't beat yourself up

OP, all is not lost. I combi fed for the first month while we had latch issues sorted, and we were then able to go back to sole breastfeeding.

Formula is absolutely fine, keep offering the breast, and hopefully all will be fixed with the tongue tie.

Are you able to see a breastfeeding midwife?

I combi fed my eldest as well because of weight issues. It is possible to move back to EBF once ties are cut or they get over the first few hurdles. It does take some support though so please reach out for that from a qualified source

OP ignore the horrible comments.

If breastfeeding is important to you, carry on feeding and do a formula top up after your feeds. Therefore it’s still stimulating your milk giving baby the golden milk but ensuring they are gaining weight.

Massive breast feeding advocate here but please don’t kill yourself worrying. You are doing a great job 💐

Tongue tie may be a complete red herring (it's a very recent "problem", it was next to never diagnosed or "treated" until a few years ago). I don't say this to be unkind in any way, but to stress, @Millie90 that you shouldn't wait until the appointment and that any "procedure" may make no difference at all.

My DD was a rubbish feeder too, and took ages to gain the weight but we got there in the end!

See if you can track down any breastfeeding consultants in your area - you could try the NCT, La Leche League, and ask your midwife. It may simply be that the latch is rubbish (I'm pretty sure that was the problem with my DD) and if someone knowledgable can help, you may find it makes a huge difference. And if your baby is fussing at the nipple and not latching, she may be making matters worse as you will get engorged and sore, creating further difficulties.

As an aside, you'd expect Mother Nature to have arranged things so that babies "know" how to latch and feed automatically, but lots don't.

But in the meantime I'd ABSOLUTELY give your little one a bit of formula to tide things over. I like what a PP has said - "Fed is best". If you can breastfeed, that's great; but remember, for those that can't, formula can literally save the baby's life (not to mention mum's sanity!)

I really feel for you op, I found breastfeeding difficult for the first couple of months. We decided that after my dd hadn't been gaining enough weight over the first week to try mix feeding. She would take 1 or 2 top up bottles a day and I also started pumping using a manual pump and even if it was only small amounts I managed to collect I'd give that to her too. I felt like she fed constantly and between feeding and pumping it wasn't easy but by the time she was 4 months I was able to entirely breastfeed and stopped pumping. I think with my DD it was just trying to get her to latch on properly that was the issue and it got easier as she got bigger. And I'm still breastfeeding her 2 years on. Best of luck and don't be hard on yourself- there is not one right way of feeding.

DS was premature, and had low blood sugars so we had to mix-feed (every 2 hours, 24hrs a day at first).

We were told to BF first, and once he seemed to be done, to give 30mls FF in addition. You might try that 3-4 times a day, in addition to carrying on BF? You could get your DP to do the first one of the morning, and get your baby up and dressed, so you can have a bit of a lie in.

Newborns often have a weak suck, so even if there is no tongue tie it isn’t unusual for them to feed 24/7, and not particularly effectively. It gets better as they get bigger. A couple of top up feeds won’t affect your supply. We BF successfully until DS was almost 2.