Breastfeeding feeding heartbreak

[Millie90]

My baby is 3 weeks old and she has only been crawling slowly back up to her birth weight. She's clearly not getting enough milk because she feeds upwards of 15 hours a day non stop. Despite all this feeding I have just been to a clinic appointment to be told that she has lost weight again. I'm absolutely devastated, I just look into her little eyes and I can see that she's hungry!

She may have a tongue tie but I have been given an appointment in two weeks time to get this looked at! What, so she's supposed to carry on starving for another two weeks...I just can't bear this. Am I completely out of order if I just switch her to formula? I can't continue like this, the problem she is having is that she is trying to feed but doesn't seem to be swallowing the milk.

Please help me!

If you want to carry on BF I would just do formula top ups. Switch between the two. Gives you a bit of a break too. You can go back to all BF then if you want (or not).

There is nothing wrong with using formula

Baby comes first, if formula is what’s needed, it’s needed. Breastfeeding is not alway best

If you want to continue, them perhaps try to continue breastfeeding, give top ups and express (so your supply doesnt decline due to the top ups). If you have enough milk from thr expressing you can use that. Hopefully that'll improve matters until your appointment in 2 weeks whilst maintaining supply, and stops her from forgetting what to do. But obviously that's quite knacking.

Equally it really is fine to go to formula, or long term combi feeding. The benefits are much more on a society level than an individual one, you aren't doing anything bad by choosing formula. I chose formula from the start for my very healthy, thriving child. My BF child, not so healthy. People say you won't be able to tell which kids are breastfed when it comes to school, and it's so true. This seems like a huge thing right now, but it's a small parenting decision really out of the next couple of decades that are to come.

You can't do nothing, because your baby obviously cant continue to lose weight, but however you decide to deal with it will be fine.

I had no problems breastfeeding, but in retrospect, it never filled up my son. I topped up with formula and would do it again.
If I couldn't breastfeed at all, I'd use just formula. Please don't beat yourself up about it. Parenting is hard enough without you giving yourself a hard time.

@Mummaneedsabreak this is uncalled for, please think about your words and how it might affect a brand new mum who is struggling

What a really, really shitty reply. I can’t believe I’ve just read this.

Anyway, moving on….

The word ‘heart break’ is totally justified OP and you are well with your rights to feel this way. There were a few points in my DS’s early months (relating to weight gain and tongue tie) where I had to consider introducing formula and I was so upset. Thankfully I overcame my problems and I didn’t use formula but I remember
how upset and disappointed I felt when things weren’t going in the direction I wanted.

Ultimately though your baby is losing weight (or gaining slow) and she cannot get to your milk because of her tongue tie. Those are the facts and none of it can be changed, so it’s just a case of practically looking at the challenges.

I would suggest 20 minutes breast feeding, followed by a top-up, followed by you expressing for 20 minutes.

It’s really important your baby gets the nutrition she needs, as well as the rest she needs and that your milk supply is protected.

In some circumstances regular pumping with a top quality pump is more effective at removing milk than a breast fed baby if the baby cannot transfer the milk themselves.

Milk will only be made if your breast is being effectively emptied and with your baby’s tongue-tie she isn’t able to do that.

The more you persevere the worse things may be in that your baby’s weight will continue to drop and your milk supply will continue to drop too.

Take a deep breath and realise the tongue-tie challenge is not your fault and it cannot be fixed for another two weeks, and in those two weeks your priority is baby’s nutrition and your milk supply.

Please dont feel guilty for the conflicting emotions you are experiencing.

If you are pumping 3 hourly then the milk you express can be used for her top-ups so it may actually be that you don’t even need to use much formula.

Like I said, take a deep breath, take the practical approach and just tell yourself that all you can do for now is your best until she is seen by the tongue-tie practitioner.

Make sure you get lots of support to returning to exclusive breast feeding after the tongue-tie release because the process of dropping top-ups can take a good few weeks so don’t expect the tongue-tie to be an instant fix.

But you’ll get there OP 👍

I had a similar experience. My dd was struggling to feed and lost 11.8% of her body weight which the midwives said was too much. She was tongue tied as well and we were advised to supplement her with formula. We gave her 2 bottles a day while breastfeeding and her weight shot up, it made a huge difference. It also meant her dad could get involved in feeding her, it was a great bonding experience for them and gave me a rest.
You're not doing anything wrong, it's just tricker for some mums and babies than it is for others so don't beat yourself up. A fed baby is best

I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time with this, breastfeeding can be tricky and there are so many emotions attached to it.
I would second another poster’s suggestion to contact NCT or La leche league. Many years ago, La leche league helped me to find a solution to my particular problem - I was so grateful.
In the meantime, I’d try topping up with formula, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and indeed, in switching to formula completely if you decide to.
Look after yourself, your baby is clearly very much loved, you are doing your absolute best for her.

Have you tried nipple shields- these helped my son latch whilst we waited for his tongue tie appointments. I combi fed and pumped like mad.

Absolutely. I realize breastfeeding is really important to many. But your baby is not thriving. Formula is worth the try. No matter how much you want to breastfeed I think you need to let that go and feed your baby however it takes. No way would I wait two weeks. Best of luck to you and your baby

Absolutely top up with formula. You haven't failed, you haven't given up, you're in a difficult situation trying to do the best for your baby. I was in a similar position a year ago. Mine had a tongue tie, had it separated and the change was instant. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. Personally I would keep the appointment even if you decide to go full formula fed because I've read that a tongue tie (depending on severity) can also affect bottle feeding and speech later on, so its worth getting it checked. Hugs OP, you're doing great xx

I want to add to the chorus of suggesting formula top ups - at least until your baby is back on a healthy weight trajectory, and thrn you could always remove them.

I'm a huge believer that mix feeding for years is better for the baby than EBF for weeks. It really doesn't have to be all or nothing!

In terms of the BF itself, I'm sure you've tried these but the go-to things I'd suggest are:

Try a variety of feeding positions each day, particularly side lying, rugby hold, dangle feeding. This strategy will empty different parts of the breast

Switch breasts frequently to increase supply. I mean after just a few minutes on each side. Switch, switch so you're doing at least six sides in 30 mins. Honestly this makes a world of difference

Use chest compressions ie stroking firmly from the outside to the nipple while latched on

Like the pp said above, drink lots, eat fatty and sugary treats like Mars bars, etc (you want the baby to gain weight so you've got to trick your body into realising it has lots of surplus weight-gaining foods to use!)

Rest and lounge at home as much as possible, ideally minimally dressed in loose easy clothing

You can absolutely top up with formula and keep breastfeeding. It is heartbreaking when you want to breastfeed and give it your best shot but it doesn't work out. The same thing happened to me with dc1 and I just combined fed for a few months before switching to formula. I did feel awful about it (which, looking back was me being way too hard on myself).

With dc2 I exclusively pumped which is another option. He was also tongue tied and it took so long to sort that I had just been pumping and feeding him bottles - he was very happy with that situation, so that's what we did. It was hard going though, but it is an option.

Oh fuck off.

I also had a slow grower with a tongue tie, etc. She was a lazy feeder from the moment she first latched. We had to supplement with formula, which meant that she actually started to grow and thrive. When we started weaning, we cut down the formula and kept up the feeding and now I’m still breastfeeding at 21 months.

It’s horrid having a baby you’re trying your best to feed and it consumes your every thought.

Well done for feeding her as long as you have . Have you been drinking lots of lemonade ? I remember reading that it's really good for bf mums .. just take your timeand and relax with your baby. Bf babies are usually lighter than bottle fed I think . If you need to give a top up bottle don't feel guilty that means Dad and other relatives can.really enjoy bonding with her as well . It'll be so lovely for them to be able to give her a bottle . So either way it's a win win situation.

Get the tongue tie sorted privately asap. It will prob be about £200 - but I know at least half a dozen mothers who would happily have spent three times that to get it sorted and it totally unlocked BF for them

I did this, I switched to formula.
My baby changed after that first bottle. His face completely relaxed, he looked like a different baby and he fell asleep straightaway. He looked so grateful is the only was I can describe it. Before he had just been frustrated and never relaxed.
Sorry but it's true. He was so much happier on the formula!
I felt awful too, like I'd failed. It took a while for me to get over the guilt.
As you see here, plenty of people just keep pushing and only offering ways to fix the breastfeeding. There's a subtle message that is if it's not working, you must be doing it wrong. Let it go, give him the formula and move on with your life. Do what's best for your individual situation. 💐

My understanding is that midwives routinely checked babies at birth for tongue tie and would break the tie there and then. So it’s not new.

can you express and top up? Make sure you eat well and stay hydrated. If you can’t express enough, don’t get anxious and use some formula.

@Millie90 - if you can afford to, can you pay for a private lactation consutlant? They may be able to asses your little one's feeding and suggest other positions to help with latch.

You could try pumping in the first instance, then she's getting breast milk. However, don't feel like a failure for giving formula. I was determined with DC1 that we weren't going to give formula and that I was only going to BF - it nearly broke me and contributed to my PND. As soon as we gave formula, I felt the pressure lift - I still continued to BF until DC was 14 months (he had a tongue tie snip at 7 weeks) but was supplemented with formula.

I'm now pregnant with DC2 - I'm going to try BF but also not going to put the pressure on myself again. If they need more/top ups, I'm going to give formula.

Sending hugs - you're doing great.

Also, get some cold compess things for you nipples - it really helps!
x

Only midwives with a qualification in tongue tie can perform the procedure, which is a post-grad Level 7 training to my understanding

And even then, they won’t just snip them at birth because a lot of tongue-tied babies can breast feed fine. There are risks with the procedure so they will only perform a frenulotomy if breast feeding is being impacted and that can sometimes takes 1-3 weeks to identify.

Neither of mine regained their birth weight until 5 weeks.

Breastfeeding can take a very long time at first, dd1 was feeding every 90 mins to 2 hours for up to an hour, it's was relentless (discovered she had low tone in her jaw and dyspraxia later) I was recommended at 2 weeks I fed for a set period eg 45 mins then topped up with a bottle. Always offer breast feeding first. By 7 weeks I'd dropped the bottle completely.

Best of luck, you can do this and it's worth perseverance because once established breastfeeding will be so much easier

Absolutely!

I spent over £600 to enable my baby to breast feed (two tongue tie procedures and three cranio-osteopathy sessions).

I’m sure my husband was inwardly rolling his eyes but as you said, for a lot of woman who so desperately want to breast feed, and who have the financial means to swallow up the cost for the right treatments, then they will happily pay out for it.

People like you push struggling postpartum mums towards full blown postpartum depression. You could encourage her to formula feed without belittling and disparaging her. There's no excuse for treating another human being like that when they are in a vulnerable place and need compassion. This might just be the internet but it's worth remembering that there are real people behind these usernames.

I'd point out to your dh that formula (if EFF) costs tens of pounds every week, plus bottles and sterilisers, and that you'd have made your money back in saved formula by the end!