Breastfeeding feeding heartbreak

[Millie90]

My baby is 3 weeks old and she has only been crawling slowly back up to her birth weight. She's clearly not getting enough milk because she feeds upwards of 15 hours a day non stop. Despite all this feeding I have just been to a clinic appointment to be told that she has lost weight again. I'm absolutely devastated, I just look into her little eyes and I can see that she's hungry!

She may have a tongue tie but I have been given an appointment in two weeks time to get this looked at! What, so she's supposed to carry on starving for another two weeks...I just can't bear this. Am I completely out of order if I just switch her to formula? I can't continue like this, the problem she is having is that she is trying to feed but doesn't seem to be swallowing the milk.

Please help me!

Oh OP I so resonate with you. I’ve had 3 DC and tried to BF each of them. Persevered the hardest with my youngest and we ended up in hospital as his blood sugars were so low, his latch was the best of them all - considering how much research I’d done it was no mean feat! We switched to FF and like the PP says he was delighted - and he’s a thriving (massive) 4 year old now.

I realise only now my milk must never even come in until 3 weeks after birth - I wished I’d have bought a pump and just tried to at least pump when it did come in and give him that.

Long winded way of saying FF means he’s fed, but you can always try Mix for a while and express so that any milk he’s getting is yours maybe, lots of options and all is not lost yet xx hugs xx

yes to formula!

He knew better than to even voice his feelings on the matter 😂

He knew how much I wanted to breast feed and he knew how heartbroken I’d be if I had to swap to formula and so he kept his lips tightly sealed 😂

This!

Sending big hugs I was like this with DS1 (also tt).
We were put on a bit of a tough feeding schedule for a few weeks of feed then I would pump straight after for 30 mins and would give a small top up of 30-40ml of expressed milk mostly (formula turned DS1 into a screaming banshee!)

You have done the hard bit of first seeking help. Definitely agree with calling the nct feeding line.

Do you have any friends who bf who have a bit of a stash in their freezers? I know it sounds a bit weird but after all my issues I then became a milk bank donor. One of the things I found that helped friends in early stages was giving them some frozen milk. It took the pressure off them knowing it was there and they relaxed more as being stressed can effect your milk so it becomes a bit of a circle.

There is also nothing wrong with giving some formula just Google pace feeding and start with small top ups after being on the boob if showing feeding ques so clenched fist etc.
It is normal to cluster feed as well.

It’s so easy for people to say oh just give formula, but just like some mothers do not want to breastfeed under any circumstance, others don’t want to give formula. I knew as soon as I was pregnant I did not want to give Dd formula, nothing bad about it I just didn’t want to. It would have pushed me into severe PND if I had to. I can’t explain why, just like others shouldn’t have to explain why they don’t want to bf.

Op I struggled with DD’s weight when she was tiny. Her mouth was small and my nips felt far too big! I had to get a really, really deep latch for her to properly get my hindmilk.

If you try the ‘sandwich’ technique where you basically squeeze your boob until it’s flat-ish and when Dd has her mouth the widest you basically stick as much nipple in as you can. You shouldn’t be able to much areola around her mouth.

I also found feeding from one side for a block of time useful because my first milk was always watery and the longer I fed the fattier it became. I used to pump the breast I wasn’t feeding from so I didn’t get engorged on one side.

KellyMom is a great website to delve into, loads of tips and tricks and advice.

I second seeing if you can get in touch with a feeding consultant, they can really really help.

In the meantime if you do choose to top up with formula continue feeding as much as possible to keep your supply up and pump. It does take a bit of time to get there, but generally by around 6-8 weeks things seem to settle into place. You’re both still learning!

Fingers crossed you get everything sorted.

Your username suggests you should be a bit more sympathetic to a mother who is clearly struggling! What a ridiculous comment. Why don't you just go fuck off!

It’s so easy for people to say oh just give formula, but just like some mothers do not want to breastfeed under any circumstance, others don’t want to give formula.

But with formula there’s no risk of starving or being hospitalised due to dehydration. OP’s baby is starving. Please give her some formula.

The baby’s health comes before the mum’s wishes, to me. Babies are people like anyone else, we wouldn’t say to a starving 5 year old ‘oh don’t worry I’ve got an appointment for you in 4 days’. It’s cruel.

If you try the ‘sandwich’ technique where you basically squeeze your boob until it’s flat-ish and when Dd has her mouth the widest you basically stick as much nipple in as you can

Ooh yes this, from @Ostryga is a very good tip, I used to do this too (I read about it as the pinch and pop technique).

I look back on my DSs baby years and regret so much now that I stuck to breastfeeding when I should have switched for formula. The mum guilt just wouldn't let me do it, and we had 7 months of hell. He slept for a max 90 mins at a time, and I'm sure now it's because he wasn't getting enough milk from me.

Oh and I’m a big fan of breastfeeding and am currently breastfeeding a 5 month old. But I wouldn’t hesitate to formula feed if my baby was going hungry.

Don't listen to some of these other people. I've been exactly where you are. It's hell. It's valid if you wanted your baby to have breast milk. It's valid that other options feel like "giving up" (it's not, please believe me but I know it can feel that way). It's valid to want to voice these fears, especially in your vulnerable state and shame on anyone who tries to make you feel bad, they've clearly forgotten how emotionally charged those first few days and weeks are.

Whatever you decide to do will be best for your baby. The health professionals will not let your baby starve. They've got your back. Baby is likely cluster feeding, it's normal. If you want to carry on bfing then do. If you don't, can you pump and give expressed milk? It's the same mechanism as formula after all! But then baby will still get breast milk.

I really do wish you the best. I can see myself in your exact position about a year and a half ago and I know it was hell.

Well done as well, by the way! Congratulations on the pregnancy and birth, there are so many happy times ahead of you.

OP I absolutely killed myself over breastfeeding. It was all consuming that I MUST breastfeed. I feel your desperation, I promise this will pass and will be such a fleeting part of your memories, even if it feels massive now.

Mixed feeding is fine and is possible.
You will not harm your baby & in the UK we are so lucky that the health outcomes between breastfed & bottle fed babies are negligible.

I'm sorry some posters are insensitive , blasé nobheads. They haven't been where you are x

What a horrid reply.

Please ignore them OP.

You can switch to formula, and baby is highly likely to thrive. I will always remember the day I was sit in bed crying over a non-latched baby, and my midwife called me up, and ‘gave me permission to switch’. She understood that was exactly what I needed to hear. The sense of relief was immense, I moved to formula, and me and baby were both a lot happier.

You have permission to switch to formula, too.

Congratulations on your gorgeous bundle, and best of luck to you both x

Whatever you decide to do will be best for your baby. The health professionals will not let your baby starve. They've got your back. Baby is likely cluster feeding, it's normal.

feeding for 15 hours a day and poor weight gain? That’s a hungry baby, not a cluster feeding one.

I had the same thing with both my babies, the first time I was so disappointed, the hospital were very firm that I should formula feed as dd had lost too much weight. I was obsessive over pumping to try to boost supply but it never happened. I breast fed and topped up with formula for 6 months, then just ignored any guilt and went straight dual feeding for dd 2 and it was easier with a happy fed baby.

OP I was in similar situation - truly endless feeds in first couple of weeks, baby barely slept as had to constantly feed, absolutely horrific time. Baby had tongue tie but because of COVID nothing was done until he was 5 wks. Had to supplement with bottle (formula mostly, sometimes expressed milk) from day 12. I hired double pump to keep my supply up. I won't lie, it was a very tough few weeks combining breast feeding, expressing and bottle feeding. But once tongue tie resolved we were able to resume breastfeeding for all feeds except one bottle of formula in evening (never managed to get my supply back up enough to drop that one). I breastfed for well over a year so our difficult start didn't stop it being a success in the end. I hope that gives you hope.

If your genuinely posting in the interest of the OP & her baby, get this deleted & rephrase.

I’ve been there! 6 weeks breast fed and still not reached birth weight. I started combi feeding and best thing I ever did. Turning point in happiness of me baby and the rest of the family. I felt like you did but once I’d got over it was great…still breast feeding bonding but dad could also feed. You’ve done well to Breast feed for three week..carry on but don’t feel ashamed of doing the best for baby and you with formula supementation. You can always move back towards ebf. Hugs from me

Well aren't you lovely. Not being dramatic at all.

What plan did the midwife/health visitor suggest? Feeding 15 hours a day with weight loss is a concern, this is a baby who needs more milk.

No health professional should have sent you home without a sensible plan, most likely that would be to continue to breastfeed and to offer her extra expressed breastmilk every three hours or so because it sounds like you have plenty of milk but she is just not able to get it effectively maybe because she has a tongue tie.

If there is insufficient expressed milk then formula might be a good option. Ask about local specialist feeding support. Can you afford private feeding support (check out LCGB) or tongue tie division? If not call National Breastfeeding helpline. This sounds like a classic tongue tie and it might be easily and quickly solved by tongue tie division so some help to get you both through until the appointment and make sure she gets sufficient milk until then may well be all you need.

You’re right not to jump to formula feeding if that’s not what you want, formula doesn’t solve breastfeeding problems, it can be a part of the solution temporarily but it is part of a wider picture and you need to get that plan in place.

My son was feeding fine but still managed to get his tongue tie sorted as it was causing me too much pain and obviously didn't want to stop breastfeeding

Please stop beating yourself up. It makes me so sad to see the pressure you're feeling. Just think about what YOU want to do. What would you do if there was no judgment?

It's nobody's business how you feed your baby. Formula feeding is not a failure. And bf can be a hard journey and take a long time to establish.

You could also continue bf and supplement but also express between feeds to stimulate lactation. You need to stop listening to everyone's opinions and listen to that quiet voice in your head. There is no wrong decision here.

Sorry, this is super stressful and emotional for you. I struggled to establish breastfeeding and combi fed (predominantly formula) for my son’s first 2 weeks, then gradually switched to solely breastfeeding. I wonder if you could introduce some formula as well as breastfeeding, and maybe reduce the formula again once the tongue tie is snipped? I had to get lots of support from a lactation consultant and they noticed and divided the tie, but it did help. You could try a supplemental nursing system- it was something recommended to me too. You can feed formula at the same time as baby is nursing.

Sorry yes, I should have been clearer that tongue-ties will also be cut if it is a detriment to the mother, even if the baby doesn’t have feeding problems.

Sadly in my area the NHS waiting list can be 3-5 weeks to be seen for a tongue-tie assessment and that’s way too long for a woman in pain and it’s so sad when women have no option but to stop for this reason. I’m glad it all ended well for you 👍