Breastfeeding feeding heartbreak

[Millie90]

My baby is 3 weeks old and she has only been crawling slowly back up to her birth weight. She's clearly not getting enough milk because she feeds upwards of 15 hours a day non stop. Despite all this feeding I have just been to a clinic appointment to be told that she has lost weight again. I'm absolutely devastated, I just look into her little eyes and I can see that she's hungry!

She may have a tongue tie but I have been given an appointment in two weeks time to get this looked at! What, so she's supposed to carry on starving for another two weeks...I just can't bear this. Am I completely out of order if I just switch her to formula? I can't continue like this, the problem she is having is that she is trying to feed but doesn't seem to be swallowing the milk.

Please help me!

Are they still making women feel this way? I had all this 19 years ago. Cried about it, felt so guilty. One midwife told me I SHOULD feel guilty for struggling with BF. Wish I’d stood up to her. Eventually my own lovely community midwife sat me down and asked me if I enjoyed BF. I did not, I hated it. Switched to formula. Glad I have gave my dc a few weeks of BF but that was enough for me. Don’t feel guilty about it, just do it, be happy and enjoy your baby.

I recommend Kathryn Stagg on instagram:

https://instagram.com/thelactationcorner?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

https://instagram.com/kathrynstaggibclc?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

and La Leche League:

https://llli.org/

My borough in London also has a free breastfeeding support group.

Op in this situation I would give formula to help your baby gain weight. Or try combi for a bit

OP, you have no reason to worry about switching to formula if you want. But you're feelings are also valid if you want to keep breastfeeding, or feel bad about stopping. You need to push for proper, prompt support. Realistically you will need to pay for private support. Get tongue tie sorted if it's an issue.
Are you doing deep breast compressions? They can really help get milk into a lazy feeder faster, especially the thicker hind milk.

Yes and I explained about formula further along in my post. No one is suggesting op starve her baby to bf.

My son had an undiagnosed tongue despite being seen by MWs and multiple HVs. I couldn’t even get hold of the usual HV team so googled tongue tie services. It gives you a list of NHS and private feeding consultants who specialise in tongue tie. Mine lived close by and I saw her for a free assessment first to confirm it was a tongue tie then she came to my house a few days later and performed the division for £250. It was so worth it as his feeding improved significantly ( he is express bottle fed because he just couldn’t form a seal around the nipple) and he is sleeping much better. Can you afford to go private? I didn’t want to but also didn’t want to keep waiting for a call back. Have you tried express feeding? They can form a better seal around the teat than the nipple and you can keep BFing for about 15 mins in the middle of the bottle feed so she doesn’t forget how to.

If you want to breastfeed would finances allow for a private tongue tie assesment and snip if needed quicker? It is c.£200 in London, which is cheaper than formula longterm.

Have you tried nipple shields?

If you feel you need to supplement in the meantime the National Breastfeeding Helpline and La Leche League could advise on protecting your supply.

I was there 4 1/2 years ago. It was the worst I ever felt as a mother. What saved us was being referred (through the nhs) to a lactation consultant. She thoroughly assessed position, latch, weighed before and after a feed, checked for tongue tie. She encouraged me to persevere through a schedule of feeding then pumping to give top up feeds after every feed. Every three hours. I slept on the sofa for 2 weeks with a timer set for every 3 hours (to be close to the kitchen and fridge equipment etc). It nearly broke me.

I also reached out for support through La Leche, who were the most incredible welcoming people, who understood and who I could open up to.

We got there, and the day the community midwife signed us off I nearly cried. But I sometimes wish that I'd listened to the first consultant who said it was ok to combi feed. Cos it is.

It was hard. Good luck whatever you choose.

I had problems with my DD and I stopped breastfeeding at 3 weeks because it just wasn’t enough for her. She was constantly screaming as she was hungry.

I changed to formula and she was absolutely fine, she is healthy, not hungry and it made a huge difference. I felt sad and guilty at the time but I look back and think why? It’s not a bad thing if you don’t or can’t breastfeed.

do what works for you and your baby.

Nobody is going to be able to tell you what to do. I searched high and low for answers when I had this decision to make. In the end i went with my gut instinct - you may have to do the same. The healing from the decision, whatever you decide comes later, you'll work through it don't worry. Sending solidarity, it's such a hard decision x

You poor thing, I've been where you are and changing to formula feeding was the best thing I've ever done. The heartbreak will heal 💐

No yanbu I can’t believe she’s feeding for 15 hours straight you must be exhausted!

@Millie90 I know how hard it is when you want to breast feed and your little one isn't gaining weight. My daughter was born May 2020 so during the first covid lockdown and access to breast feeding support was over the phone, in fact I think I'm still waiting for a call from the tongue tie clinic. I did have to add in some formula and the advice I was given was to actually offer a small amount of formula at the end of each breastfeed. The theory being that if you can (and want, and have the time) then you can build your supply up gradually by pumping and replacing say 30 mls of formula at each feed is easier than trying to replace one whole bottles worth. I tried pumping but to be honest I didn't find it comfy and being attached to a new baby most of the time to stimulate supply didn't allow much time to pump.

In the end I went private and saw a lactation specialist who was also a tongue tie specialist. She did an assessment and snipped the tie, however she did advise my daughter had a high palate and that the snipping may make no difference. What she also did was advise me on the best positions for a baby with high palate. Took a bit of getting used to, I reckon that single bit of advice helped me continue feeding. My DD is 3 and our feeding is at an end, I never thought I would get through those early weeks of weight loss and baby on me 24/7 feeding.

There is also zero wrong with formula feeding, my son who is now at uni was severely tongue tied and I couldn't breastfeed him at all. He was formula fed, no one ever asks him now how he was fed, he is tall and healthy. You and your baby being happy and little one being fed are the priority. Feeding choices will seem huge right now, in the long run, no one really cares about how their friends/partners etc were fed as kids.

Be king to yourself and if adding some formula removes stress then consider that as an option, no one will think any less of you

I’m sorry that you are going through this.
The best advice I can give you is to share what worked for me.
The single best help was a breast pump.
I fed and pumped on alternate sides and this vastly increased my milk supply.
I ended up donating milk to our local milk bank.
I pumped about every 3 hours.
Also breast fed babies follow a different weight gain chart to formula fed babies.
This was something that did not seem to be put on the table in a very open way in anti natal clinics.
I wish that I had known a bit more in advance, like how useful a pump is, how breastfed babies have to suck harder to get the milk and how much more feeding they do in a 24 hour cycle.
Wishing you all the best in whatever you decide to do.

Maybe exclusively pump? Dont feel bad if you do formula

If you baby is producing plenty of nappies and has energy then I wouldn't worry too much (easier said than done). I remember my bf babies being compared to bottle fed babies at the HV group and it used to drive me mad. All this feeding should produce a good milk supply and remember to look after yourself. That's said you have got to do what is right for you. Babies are happy when their DM's are - do what is right for you

OP, I have been there myself only recently and can understand your feelings completely. I have memories fairly soon postpartum crying over a bottle of formula!

My baby's tongue tie fixed itself but he still struggled to latch well enough to put on enough weight. By 6 weeks I introduced a bottle of formula a day and pumped at this time so I could keep up supply. It then meant my partner could feed baby too, both formula and some breastmilk that I had pumped. He was like a different baby. Combination feeding completely changed everything for us. We managed 6 months of breastfeeding until the teeth arrived (ouch!) and my baby is now a happy, healthy nearly 1 year old.
I was advised the most important time to breastfeed was evening and early hours of the morning to keep up supply. DP gave expressed breastmilk as a morning feed and formula feed around 4pm.

Please don't feed bad. Give yourself the credit and break you deserve. As others have said, formula saves lives and doesn't have to mean the end of your bf journey. It may just look different to how you first envisioned it. 💐

Well done for getting so far OP. Please be kind to yourself, go and buy some bottles and a tub of milk. I can't describe the relief you will feel!

I got some mammas herbal tea that boosted my milk! Also drink loads & loads of water.

@FloofCloud i think I will need to do this too, but how did you ensure that the bottles were “one off” and your lo didn’t get bottle preference? I want bf to remain the main source of food x

Op that sounds so stressful. Ds had a tongue tie and his weight gain was always a struggle. It was difficult for him to get seen initially because they lost his referral (should usually be seen within a few days) and then assessed him as not needing it done. I ended up going privately. Rang on the Friday, appointment and tt cut on the Monday. It was £120 and we were in and out in 10 mins. Made all the difference to us.

I'd seriously consider going private to get it done op if you have the means. You also should ask to speak to the infant feeding coordinator in the hospital where you gave birth. They should be giving you a feeding plan to help you in between those 2 weeks. I'd also join a bf support group, my la leche league group were the ones who encouraged me to go private re:tt and identified other issues for me that they then gave good advice around. Lots of the mums in my group combi feed or have combi fed and then transitioned to breast so there would be lots of mums who've been in your shoes to get support and advice from. You're doing amazing, the early weeks are so intense and difficult and you do really doubt yourself but it's very early days yet and honestly it sounds like you've been let down a bit by your healthcare providers. Get some more support around you and remember nothing is concrete, you will figure out what works for you and baby and there's no shame in using formula temporarily or long term. I would just make sure that you're upping your pumping because if you add formula baby might not feed as much and you don't want to drop your supply. But a feeding consultant would be able to give you a pumping timetable etc to help you navigate that.