Are nursery lying about what LO eats at nursery?

[Basketcase56]

So I don’t mean intentionally lying but possibly just “ticking boxes” or not watching very closely?

My LO has neve been that into food. Even when he does well, he never clears his plate. Has always been very selective, even when newly weaning. If he doesn’t want to eat, he’ll happily scoop it all out of his bowl and/or throw it. I suspect he may be doing this at nursery and they see a clean plate and assume he’s eaten it. But I’m not sure how to approach it with them? Based on how he eats when he gets home, I’m worried he’s not eating all day.

Children's eating habits can be very different at nursery compared to home. I've known very picky eaters demolish platefuls of foods they wouldn't normally touch - sitting at a table with their peers all enjoying the meal can have a very positive effect.

Nursery was some kind of magical place with both my kids - they ate everything, napped brilliantly and followed instructions!! 😮
honestly, I have no idea how on earth they managed it!

Ours basically only finishes meals at nursery 😩 he has done it at home about twice. Even when he eats with us or family. Short of inviting all the neighbour’s children round every meal time I’ve just had to learn to accept there’s not a lot to be done.

like you I thought the nursery might be exaggerating but it’s not always the same person logging it, and I trust at least three of them not to spin me a yarn about what he’s consumed. His weight has been really stable too, so I think he really does eat really well at least 3 days out of seven 😩😅

@cakecoffeecakecoffee how did you know they weren’t just saying it and that the food didn’t just end up on the floor mixed with other kids? Or that they were just whatever in a box to complete paperwork?

Oh our nursery definitely lies. One room specifically. My children do eat things they don't eat at home but not to that extent.

My child didn't eat at nursery. They told me.

This.

My child didn't eat for a month when he started, they've got him eating all sorts now.
When I offer the same sort of meals at home, does he eat it? No.

I'm sure nursery are telling the truth, I know children I've e looked after in past (CMinder) would eat anything for me but really fussy at home, its amazing what sitting with their peers can achieve!!

Op with the nicest of intention, stop worrying. If they are offering food then what else can they do? If you are worried they haven't eaten enough, offer your own meals outside nursery time.

The staff sit with them. What reason would they lie for?
We have to put everything they ate or refused on the app even if its only a spoonful their is absolutely not 1 reason for us staff to lie about it!!

I was convinced nursery were lying about what ds had eaten for lunch until he came home one day and told me about how he really liked cottage pie. Ds had never eaten cottage pie at home but all of a sudden at nursery it was his favourite food. Don’t underestimate the influence peer pressure (in the lightest sense) has on dc eating. Both my dc are picky eaters with small appetites but loved nursery food.

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't lie OP, and they would definitely know how much he's eaten as they will be watching him. They don't let them get on with it and clean up a pile of thrown food on the floor at the end of mealtimes.

At the age where they sit in high chairs they feed them one at a time with a key worker helping them with the spoon etc. At toddler stage they all sit nicely at a table with all staff around watching.

DD's nursery tell when she eats and when she doesn't (usually all of her hot meal and none of her cold tea). She has swede and all sorts of veg she wouldn't eat at home. DS was the same.

Honestly, why would they lie?

I'm a childminder and it's my job to serve the meals, it means nothing to me to lie and say they've eaten more than they have? Why would it?

Bear in mind initial servings can be small - DS1 frequently used to have thirds of mains, and seconds of puddings.
So, he might well be eating most of a first serving.
Nursery have nothing to gain by lying.

My child doesn't eat in childcare and they always tell me so. He's an extremely pick eater and unfortunately the whole peer thing hasn't influenced him yet but it can. I don't think they'd lie.

@KateyCuckoo its not that I think they’re deliberately lying to deceive me. More that they may be too distracted with all the other kids to notice him throwing it instead of eating it. Then seeing a clean plate and just assuming it’s been eaten.

Nursery staff are trained to a high level and know what they’re doing. They will notice if a child is just chucking food around and not eating it.

Is there anything that has actually happened to make you believe this? Is the nursery lying about other things, not watching children closely at other times?

Kids eat differently at nursery settings, as you’ve seen on here. Very normal.

I've been assessing in nurseries and seen in a few daily diaries completed in the morning with meals, sleeps, nappies and activities for the day.

@Basketcase56 if he was dumping food on the floor, they would notice. If they didn't notice when he did it, they'd notice that much food on the floor/table when they cleaned up after. Regularly seeing large amounts of food in one place would be noticed and they'd figure it out.
But its unlikely he'd get away with. They're watching all the kids enough to notice something like that.
They aren't busy parents turning their backs to look at another kid, check the oven, put something away etc. There are multiple people focused on the children.

I think they’re telling the truth for several reasons.

1. both my kids went there for 7 years in total and I built up a great rapport with the staff, so I trust them.
2. my kids would tell me (when they became verbal).
3. they send us photos and video’s during the day.
4. I used to like peeping through the window or door at pick up and observing my kids before they saw me. So lovely to see their interactions. The staff knew I was there, just not the kids!
5. they would also say if they’d not had such a great day - if they’d not napped, eaten well etc.

Oh and they sat at the table with the kids for meals so were well aware of what they actually consumed.

I occasionally sat with them for breakfast if DS was unsettled on arrival. Mealtimes were so calm!

Having worked within every age group from 6 months to five years, believe me the staff would notice if he was throwing it or dropping it on the floor. Our job is to supervise lunch and that is what we do. Someone serving and several observing and assisting the children. You'd be very surprised at how much children eat at nursery, often things that they won't touch at home. Not only is there peer pressure, even the under twos tend to eat if they see other children eating, but their bodies and minds are so, so active with us that they build up a good appetite ready for meals. The nursery staff have nothing to gain by lying to you. We've had children who wouldn't eat with us before and we open up a conversation with the parents about what they eat at home, then work closely with them, sometimes bringing the child's own plates etc from home to help the transition. We don't want them going hungry anymore than you do.

No they most likely aren’t. Children act totally differently when they are in a professional setting where the adults have expectations and their peers are doing things. As a childminder nearly every parent I had used to ask the same questions. Why does my child eat all their dinner with you? How do you get them to nap? At home they reported their children refused to comply with requests, wouldn’t sit still to eat, were picky eaters, had to be driven in the car to nap etc. it’s a totally different environment. They all did what was expected from them, from sitting lovely to eat, everyone finishing their plate, walking down the street holding hands with each other in pairs, lying down and going to sleep for naps with no argument.
my own kids on the other hand - I have the same issues as everyone else!

My kids ate everything at nursery and then after school club. It’s peer pressure mainly, just be glad he’s eating.

Does it really matter? They're not going to force him to eat at nursery and if he's hungry at home, you feed him.