Are nursery lying about what LO eats at nursery?

[Basketcase56]

So I don’t mean intentionally lying but possibly just “ticking boxes” or not watching very closely?

My LO has neve been that into food. Even when he does well, he never clears his plate. Has always been very selective, even when newly weaning. If he doesn’t want to eat, he’ll happily scoop it all out of his bowl and/or throw it. I suspect he may be doing this at nursery and they see a clean plate and assume he’s eaten it. But I’m not sure how to approach it with them? Based on how he eats when he gets home, I’m worried he’s not eating all day.

My nursery have always been very open and tell me when DD only eats some, and she went through a stage of refusing food and drink all day and they would sit with a specially made plate of toast because they knew she loved it to try and encourage her.

But yes she def eats better at nursery - how do I know? For one, I see the evidence of it in her nappy!

I also think they are going to be more hungry from the energy they use up and more likely to want to eat - and they know they dont have a choice and cant get something else.

Speak to them if you think they're lying, I don't mean to accuse them of doing so just say it's great he eats well here as he's picky at home and usually throws it or something and see what they say. I doubt they're lying though, often children when around their peers and with nursery food which has been specially planned and formulated to appeal specifically for children they eat different foods and different amounts then they do at home.

From the mother of a very picky DS don't worry about it too much. When DS was in nursery he took a packed lunch as our school don't do meals until they are in Reception, once DS started reception we had the opposite issue to you where at least 2x a week school would phone and express their concerns about DS not eating anything and I used to get really worried but then my mother (who has worked with children for 30+ years) pointed out that he eats breakfast at home, has a fruit snack at 11 and then has a sandwich when he gets home at 3.30 then his tea at 6pm before bed he was never going to starve. My DS is 6 now and going in to Yr2 he's still a picky eater and is very very slim and tall but is not medically underweight (just) but he is happy and he NEVER stops running and jumping. So please don't worry, as my mam says "I've never seen a healthy kid starve" xx

DD1 eats absolutely everything at nursery and tells me when she had seconds (every day pretty much!). If I made exactly the same fish pie at home it would most likely be poked and prodded and be 'an ordeal' It's the communal eating with peers thing and the daily routine. Our nursery has told me on the odd occasion she hasn't eaten something.

And yes if he's young enough to be in the food throwing phase then he won't be left to get on with things!, he'll be quite closely supervised.

Sorry to say but they probably told you what you wanted to hear. I've worked in many nurseries and it would annoy me how much they exaggerated to parents about naps and food to avoid worrying them.

Have a conversation with them.

Not accusing them of anything but just that you are a little concerned at his eating habits and noticed he seems to be doing much better at nursery - do they have any tips etc., that line of thought.

It brings to their attention that you are concerned but not in a 'are you lying' way

Yes, I'm afraid to say I think there's a lot of naivety around 'why would they lie'. For an easy life perhaps, or to avoid parents worrying. My child has vegetarian dinners and often the sheet will say 'roast chicken' and then it'll be crossed out with quorn written above it or whatever. They clearly fill in a load of forms at once (fair enough). Whether a child has eaten 'most' or 'some' is also very subjective, and as a pp said portions are often v small.

This. If he's hungry, he'll eat, whether that's nursery or home.

As others have said, it's the social element. Sometimes a nursery does a recipe book so you can recreate at home. My older kids still only have school gravy, I finally found out this weekend it's because it's cold! Yuck!

I could see them being mistaken occasionally. But if your child was chucking his food on the floor frequently they would definitely notice.

In my experience nurseries are very lazy in completeing the paperwork, particularly for the older children. They'll just put down it was all eaten but when I ask my daughter she'll tell me she didn't eat the cabbage for example because it was yucky 🙄
For my baby I often find it goes the other way, they tick 'most' on the app but then tell me he ate everything when I pick him up 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't think they are trying to decieve you but the reality is filling out paperwork/an app are probably pretty low down on their list of things to do. I imagine if they get distracted, don't do it immediately then remember later they probably guess.
However as others have said I do think they generally eat a lot better in those settings than they maybe do at home, peer pressure makes a big difference

It’s like nursery is a magical place. My 2.5 year old isn’t a great eater at home but at nursery he regularly eats everything they give him. Obviously I am not there to see it so I am taking the nursery’s word for it but the times he hasn’t eaten a meal has been when he’s been given something he really doesn’t like at all and it’s been consistent which make me believe they are telling me the truth. I think it’s being sat down at a little table with his friends that help as he’s copying his friends.

What is your actual concern though? If your child doesn't eat very much at home normally, then whether they eat loads at nursery or not isn't really relevant (because they're getting the same amount of food as they would if they were at home with you). Is it just a trust thing, so feeling that they're not being truthful with you, and if they're like this about food, what else do they just tick a box with? Or that you want to know if your child is less fussy about food when not at home because it might change how you approach meal times? I think if its either of the latter two, I'd have a conversation with them and explain your concerns.
Once they go to school, you get no information at all about what they eat (unless, I think, they refuse to eat school dinners regularly and then I think you might get asked to send in a packed lunch instead) so I do think the idea of needing to know what they've eaten and how long they napped for is purely to help us transition from having them home with us all the time to them being at school and you've no idea what they're doing between 9 and 3. I.e. it doesn't actually provide us with any information that we need. Even if a child refused to eat anything all day, they would make up for it when they got home (DS would often eat two breakfasts, pick at his lunch and then eat a huge dinner) so they wouldn't starve from not eating much during the day.

After being properly occupied and exercised in the nursery they must be starving, this is why they eat. It is a good thing. I doubt the staff lies. They are severe on safeguarding

@Basketcase56 I've worked in nurseries and my DC have attended them.
Let me be the first to say, not every nursery is great, but most are in fairness.

The kids are offered food throughout the whole day and they will often watch other kids eat and then copy.
I had kids in the toddler rooms who would eat ANYTHING when sat at a table with their pals, for their parents they would refuse anything but mashed banana, so their mums loved pictures of them trying noodles or kiwi, things they were convinced their kids would never eat.

I'm not going to say nurseries won't lie, because some will, but they're more likely to tell the truth and your DC is just happy to eat at the table with other kids. I always gave mine toast and yogurt for supper and they'd rarely want it, which made me feel happy they were full

I think they would definitely notice a plate full of food on the floor, it would look very different to a few bits dropped wouldn’t it? I know it’s not nice to think your child isn’t eating and is going hungry but they’re offering- what else can they do? If you think it’s a case of them serving things he doesn’t like is it possible for you to send him in with a packed lunch?( I know some nurseries don’t allow this but some do). Feed him before & after nursery, he won’t starve!

I imagine that throwing food is quite normal, and the nursery will be atune to children doing this. They may miss the odd time but I highly doubt they would be assuming he was eating everyday and missing his entire dinner on the floor

Secondly, if he's not complaining he's hungry and isn't losing weight/centiles then does it really matter if he's not eating it all?

I think all kids are very different at nursery to at home, a combination of seeing the other children eating and also when at home they may know they can get away with certain things that they perhaps aren't sure of at nursery so just eat it. Also they will give them food with no expectation of likes/dislikes like a parent does.

When I see the menu my son gets I think he won't eat something then he eats it no issues but I know he wouldn't for me, he is very verbal and even tells me he eats it himself. For example he will eat apple and grapes at snack time for them, won't touch them if I give him them.

I thought mine weren't being entirely honest with me, until my son started at a different nursery for one day a week - for the first few days he went to that one they reported only partially finished meals and then once he settled in he started eating everything. Both also not infrequently report that he's had seconds!

This! (Also meant in the nicest possible way) If they are offering him food I wouldn’t worry about whether they are accurately recording what he’s eaten or if it’s all going on the floor. The main thing is he has opportunity to eat, just like he does at home.

My nearly 3 year old granddaughter refuses pasta and potatoes at home but according to the nursery she eats it there.

I attempted to give her pasta at my home but when she said “no like it” I pointed out she eats it at nursery.

Her response: “yes, only at nursery not here”!

They can be very contrary!

Years ago I ran a nursery. Parents would look at the menu and declare that their child would never eat what we listed. But, I always called it “puppy syndrome”. If you put a dish of food down for a litter of puppies, they all eat. Same with kids in nursery. They eat what the others are eating, but won’t touch the same food at home.

I have worked with children for over 20 years. U wouldn’t believe the things that children do in nursery but not at home. Eating new foods, emptying a whole plate.

children at nursery all lay down together and go straight to sleep. Parents are gobsmacked by this.

I used to do try it Tuesday with children after school. And these kids tried so many different things and the parents could never figure out why. Children as a group can make a lot of things work.

They (or "I" if it was me!) might get it wrong occasionally but on the whole it's right. It can get a bit messy and hard to keep track of sometimes. We had a rice dish followed by crumbly cake the other day and I'm sure there was more food swept off the floor than we actually started with.