Are nursery lying about what LO eats at nursery?

[Basketcase56]

So I don’t mean intentionally lying but possibly just “ticking boxes” or not watching very closely?

My LO has neve been that into food. Even when he does well, he never clears his plate. Has always been very selective, even when newly weaning. If he doesn’t want to eat, he’ll happily scoop it all out of his bowl and/or throw it. I suspect he may be doing this at nursery and they see a clean plate and assume he’s eaten it. But I’m not sure how to approach it with them? Based on how he eats when he gets home, I’m worried he’s not eating all day.

I’m a childminder. I had a parent tell me their child was the fussiest eater at home and was worried child would go hungry with me (I don’t do snacks) I was happy to report to mum that the child demolished scrambled egg on toast for lunch one day. Mum really didn’t believe me until I filmed her child eating. Mum knew I was going to discretely film. I suggested it for peace of mind and also because I didn’t want her to think I would lie to her (I’ve absolutely no reason to lie). I think it really helped her relax around her child and eating and general trust issues!

I am a childminder and children will eat lots of things at my house that they won't at home. There's less pressure about finishing their plate perhaps and they enjoy the social aspect of being with their peers. I am always honest and if a child has eaten nothing I have no fear of telling the parents. There's nothing to be gained from lying so I don't see why they would.

I have worked in all 3 rooms of a nursery and you notice if food gets put or land on the floor. Maybe have a word with the nursery, make a passing comment like X seems to be eating a lot more. See what they say.

I work in early years and we are always honest about what a child eats. We have a member of staff sit at each table with the children and would definitely notice a child not eating( we would discuss this with the parent) or a child putting their food on the floor.

we do have quite a few parents who ask “are you sure they are that as they don’t eat it at home!”

my dd I was very fussy and at 9 went on a weeks residential trip and I was worried about her eating but leaders and dd told me she tried everything and when she came back home she was willing to try and eat more food,

Children eat very differently outside of parents care. This is the kind of thing where peer pressure can actually be positive - they feel socially pressured to join in. Your child eating a wider variety of things is a great thing. my Daughter napped at nursery but never at home…I didn’t doubt them. I knew what kids are like.

What's an LO?

I was a nursery nurse for years. Children eat things they'd never eat at home, and much larger quantities at nursery.

They also nap better.

It's not a lie! They're just like little sheep and copy what the others are doing.

IME it's not lies.

I once had a parent become visibly annoyed at me at pick up time. She said her 2yo would never in a million years have eaten fish, potatoes and sweetcorn. She said it's an ongoing issue, as the week before my daily sheet stated he's eaten beans which she was certain he'd never touch.

I told her lots of children eat better at nursery as they're all together, but she was adamant I had lied on the daily sheet.

I told her the next day I'd make myself available to discreetly take some photos of him eating... he always ate well at nursery.

So I did, I actually took a video for her too. He polished off a good sized portion of shepherds pie and broccoli. She was astounded at handover and apologised. She just couldn't believe it.

It honestly does happen!

I work with children, older than nursery age but still I hate it when parents think we might be lying /not telling them the truth.
We have absolutely no reason to lie - why would we benefit from lying?
If your child wasn't eating, of course I would be telling you! I would be worried just like you and looking for a solution - I work there because I care!
There is no 'tick box' to lie for. Having trusting and honest relationships with our parents is absolute key, so no one is going to lie to you.
Kids act very differently in different places.

A lot of parents will say 'my dc eats chicken curry/ cottage pie/ fish pie' etc at nursery but not at home. Totally normal. Unless you have other concerns about nursery i would believe them.

Mistakes can be made and it can be a tick box exercise from my experience I’m afraid. DD’s nursery always said she’d eaten everything and it didn’t sound right to me. Then one day they cheerfully said she’d had all the banana given to her, despite the fact that there were clear instructions not to give her banana (as well as nuts) as we suspected a hereditary allergy. When we pulled them up on it they said that the form hadn’t been filled in right and that she hadn’t had banana. I wasn’t sure what to believe after that.
If you have any concerns I’d have a friendly word - others are right that sometimes children eat much more and better at nursery than home but you’re completely within rights to check how it’s being logged.

It's to make the parents happy that their child is secure enough and eating the food maybe?

I sort of agree with you here however the other side of me says I'd rather know the truth.
I know nursery lie to me when they say DS doesn't want a bottle as they don't make him one up, how could they possibly know? He's not verbal, just because he's not screaming doesn't mean he wouldn't have a bottle if offered. I dont argue since he's supposed to be giving up bottles anyway, but like I say, the truth would be better.

A few have commented, why would they lie? Well I think that's a little naive. They'd lie because in the Ops situation saying he doesn't eat might make mom worry, that LO isn't being fed properly, or isn't happy or that the food isnt good or a whole host of reasons I haven't thought of.
So wether or not he lo is eating ok, to assume they are not lying by default is a bit unrealistic.

Working in a nursery we closely monitor what children are eating. It's one of the many parts of our job. It's important for practitioners to build a bond with the parents. You should feel you can ask them anything about your child's development. Speak to your child's key person and simply ask, "I noticed 'child' eats EVERYTHING' at nursery. He doesn't really eat much at home, more just throws it on the floor and was wondering if 'child' is actually eating everything or if he could be emptying his plate on the floor making it seem they've eaten everything?" They will probably say they haven't noticed this, but they will monitor it for you. Then you will know what is happening. I read somewhere that children are 800% worse for their main caregiver (listening, eating etc) than with anyone else. It could also be this. Many of our children don't eat at home, but will devour all meals at nursery and vice versa

As a childminder I can say that children frequently finish one sometimes three plates of food when with me (and watching the other children). One child literally doesn’t eat at home and demolishes everything with me. I would never lie. I 100% say “oh he didn’t eat much today” or “didn’t touch her food so might need extra at home” if they didn’t eat. I have no reason to lie!!

The nursery I worked in just put ‘Ate most‘ for everyone.

We sit with the children and know which ones eat, which might just play with it, which will throw it etc. We are always honest with parents because we have no reason not to be and if they go home hungry parents need to know so they can offer them something else at home or risk a restless night.