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Original poster

Is there anything you couldn't forgive your child?

101 replies

Tilllly · 06/08/2023 13:30

Mulling over a conversation I had at church this morning

Could your child do something so bad, you'd cut them out of your life?

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Nousername94 · 06/08/2023 22:46

Toffeebythesea · 06/08/2023 22:13

@Nousername94
They were clearly abused/ neglected children themselves. No ten year old who is committing murder has come from a good situation at home.

so are thousands of children and they don’t go on to torture toddlers

WorryWorryWort · 06/08/2023 22:49

It would need to be very serious, but yes there are things where I would disown my ds.

mibid · 06/08/2023 22:51

flowertoday · 06/08/2023 19:58

On a lighthearted ? note voting Conservative springs to mind.
My children already know this.
Rape, murder, subjecting another human or animal to deliberate cruelty. I couldn't forgive those things, but I imagine forgiveness may be a separate issue to an instinct and duty to continue to stand by a son or daughter.

This.

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Toffeebythesea · 06/08/2023 22:53

@Nousername94

What's your point? If my 10 year old murdered someone I would be holding myself fully responsible for their crime.
It seems like you're saying you'd wash your hands of them. Is that correct?

TimeToMoveIt · 06/08/2023 22:55

Well if one of them was an Ian Watkins then that would be it. Don't know how anyone could stand by their child knowing they committed those types of crimes.

Nousername94 · 06/08/2023 22:57

Toffeebythesea · 06/08/2023 22:53

@Nousername94

What's your point? If my 10 year old murdered someone I would be holding myself fully responsible for their crime.
It seems like you're saying you'd wash your hands of them. Is that correct?

Yes

Toffeebythesea · 06/08/2023 22:59

@Nousername94
Wow.

Nousername94 · 06/08/2023 23:03

Toffeebythesea · 06/08/2023 22:59

@Nousername94
Wow.

you should read the full details of what they actually did. If my child did that I wouldn’t want anything to do with them. It’s not like I would disown my child if they had tattoos or were transgender with a pp has suggested.

Approaching · 06/08/2023 23:11

I, very tangentially, know someone whose child was convinced of a terrible murder. She is absolutely convinced of her child’s innocence, and makes the most ridiculous arguments to counter the evidence. I think it’s because her mind just can’t cope with the idea that her child could be so awful, she’s an absolutely broken woman. Sadly it’s also basically erased her relationship with her other children, who see their sibling accurately.

LondonLovie · 06/08/2023 23:13

I actually am not sure I could disown them completely for anything. In awful circumstances I wouldn't forgive or forget but I am not sure I could ever walk away from my child. I may feel differently when they are a grown adult, rather than small children like they are now.

ohsuzannah · 06/08/2023 23:18

Deliberate cruelty to animals.

HectorPlasm · 06/08/2023 23:24

Supporting Manchester United. Instant cutting off.

NancyJoan · 06/08/2023 23:28

Sexual assault of any kind.
Abandoning children.

Saschka · 06/08/2023 23:30

Rape or child abuse. Though honestly I would feel so wracked with guilt that I hadn’t brought them up better, I might feel a responsibility to stay in contact - just ditching them would feel like a bit like I was taking the easy route out. Not sure if I’m being very clear here!

Snugglemonkey · 06/08/2023 23:35

No. Well it maybe depends on whether you really mean forgive or just not cut out. I could not forgive certain things, but I will never not love my children. I would still visit them in prison.

Saschka · 06/08/2023 23:35

AutumnalPumpkin · 06/08/2023 20:45

@Thatladdo a female can rape a male without pinning him down or drugging him. This really isn't something you should be questioning the practicality of. It's perfectly doable whether you are male or female sadly

You may not be in the UK, but under English/Welsh law, women can’t commit rape - it is penetration by a penis. Women can only sexually assault. I assume this is why the PP was querying the mechanics.

The exception is joint enterprise - so if a woman holds down another woman while she is being raped by a man, she could be convicted of rape then.

thelengthspeoplegoto · 07/08/2023 07:08

I think for me it would depend on their personality up until the crime. If they had become an awful person to be around then murdered or raped anyone it would be possible to disown them. If they had been their regular selves and still the person that I love whilst completely hiding dark traits, I would find it too difficult to disown them. Child sexual abuse I think would be the most devastating thing. What a sad thought.

Stickmansmum · 07/08/2023 07:15

There is nothing my children could do that would make me disown them or stop loving them. There’s plenty they could do that would ruin my life and that I wouldn’t be able to forgive them for. But they are my kids and will always do my best for them regardless.

Brownbearsinthewoods · 07/08/2023 08:09

I don't think you'd know how you would respond until you were in that position. Continuing to have a relationship with your child doesn't mean you're endorsing or supporting what they did.

It must be incredibly complex and incredibly painful, absolutely despising their crime but not being able to just erase your love for him.

Eyeapple · 07/08/2023 08:16

This is pretty typical MN. A load of people will say they will never cut off their children. A load of people will say similar to Babdoc hate the sinner not the sinner but in reality it is human nature to rationalise, deny, minimise never fully accept if your child does a heinous crime. That is what the vast majority of parents do and will always do. That is how humans react to awful stuff they cannot take in.

Eyeapple · 07/08/2023 08:37

Oh and I think the other thing that is worth mentioning on this thread that is almost universal when a child commits sexual abuse against a sibling for example most commonly the parents react by pushing out the victim from the family not the perpetrator of the crime. People do not react to heinous actions of their children in any way rationally and suggesting you might be different is just completely naïve.

MrsJellybee · 07/08/2023 08:42

Dropthedonkey · 06/08/2023 14:12

Killing my other child.

I only have one child, but hypothetically, this would be my red line. And if my child killed their own hypothetical child (my grandchild).

Other than the above, I could never disown my child.

Rogue1001MNer · 07/08/2023 08:49

Dropthedonkey · 06/08/2023 20:23

Sadly this is on my mind because of the awful case recently of Amber Gibson, killed by her brother.
"We need to talk about Kevin" also comes to mind.

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I thought about Kevin when I read your post

mrsneate · 07/08/2023 08:52

My eldest son (21) hasn't seen his own son in 18 months. He's put a new girlfriend as his priority.

I am so angry with him I cannot speak to him. I've tried to reason with him.

Saddm · 07/08/2023 09:10

Eyeapple in my case you are wrong. It was some who rang the police. Me who worked out exactly when events had occurred. Me who took responsibility for keeping one dc safe and making the other one take full responsibility for their actions... Please don't label dm's the same.