Husband - is this gross or AIBU?

[StillTrying10000]

Hello, so my husband wakes up in the morning and strokes my baby daughters face and picks up toys to give to her, and then plays with her using them. But all before he has been to the bathroom to wash his hands.
I think it’s gross and ask him to wash but obviously that goes down terribly (eye roll, walks out and leaves me to the baby)
All I can think is he’s been scratching his balls all night, let alone anything else (puke). What do you think? Does he need to make sure he holds higher hygiene standards with the baby or am I being over the top protective? Thanks! xx

Why would you have to wear gloves to change your own baby's nappy?

People on mn are the literal opposite of ‘chilled about cleanliness’, and love to jump on threads calling people ‘grim’ and ‘grotty’ for not showering 3 times a day and changing their bedsheets every 2 nights. Which shows how ridiculous your demands are when almost everyone on here is thinking wtf is going through your head?

To be fair given the amount of women who come out of public toilets without washing hands I don’t think it’s a male v female thing!

Yeah - but when I go to the toilet, the only bare skin my hands touch is the sides of my thighs as I pull my knickers down and up - otherwise there's toilet paper in between my hands and the bits I'm wiping - so even if a woman doesn't wash her hands (and most do in my experience - I rarely see them just walking out), her hands generally haven't touched anything anyway.

Men are literally holding the thing they're weeing through, having fished it out from their trousers, hopefully shaken/squeezed, and put it back away again.

If I was holding my labia open to wee, there might be an equivalence.

Why has he got such itchy bollocks ? You best get him checked out !

If your husband's nether region is such a hotbed of germs, it must have been quite traumatic for you when you were trying to conceive your child!

If your baby has a low immune system then it needs boosting by exposure not wrapping up in cotton wool.

By all means don’t dunk her in the toilet but you don’t need obsessive hand washing either.

Could you imagine if a man said that a woman was gross for not washing her hands, everyone would tell her to leave him as he was controlling and mentally abusive.

In the nicest possible way yabu but it is totally understandable when you have your first child to be a bit hyper vigilant. Before you know it that precious baby will be sharing toys with other snotty, grotty babies, picking up random stones from the street and secretary putting them in their mouth, eating from the cat food bowl, putting sticks in their mouth etc. They need to encounter germs op in order to build up their immune system.

What's wrong with leaving the bathroom door open when peeing?

Do you mean your husband sleeps naked and is scratching his bare balls and/or his bum at night? In that case yes, I'd think it was gross to not wash your hands. Just like if anyone had their hands down their pants in the day I'd want their hands washed before touching a baby - or anyone for that matter.

If his scratching is through clothes I think it's OTT

Why on earth would you wear gloves to change nappy? Don’t understand that advice at all

Could you imagine if a man said that a woman was gross for not washing her hands, everyone would tell her to leave him as he was controlling and mentally abusive.

Really? If I turn up at your house, have a good rummage in my crotch, then ask to hold your baby, I can call you abusive if you say 'could you wash your hands first please'?

Look, in real life, no, I didn't get ex to wash his hands in the morning, but if I apply any amount of thought to it, if he'd rummaged right in front of me then gone to stroke my cheek, I would absolutely have recoiled, and I bet most people would! It's only because we don't think about it that we carry on day to day.

I was thinking that. My partner would be getting short shrift if he tried to demand I wash my hands before touching my baby in the morning. We co slept with our two eldest. Were we meant to get up all through the night to wash our hands every time they needed a feed, nappy change or cuddle?

If your husband is scratching his balls ALL night, I think you've got bigger issues tbh.

Oh hang on - people are assuming it's done over clothes? I feel marginally different about that I suppose.

My experience is the hand is down the trousers though.

OP how are you going to cope with taking your baby to groups and soft play etc?

I honestly think MN is a parallel universe sometimes. I have never seen anyone wear gloves to change a nappy. Also, what on earth makes you think you know exactly where you put your hands while you're asleep? It is perfectly possible that you scratch an itch in all kinds of places while not awake enough to know you're doing it! This whole 'Men - eeewww! We ladies are all spotlessly clean and immaculately fragrant' narrative is very silly.

When your baby wakes in the night for a feed or change do you get up and wash yourself before doing this?

I'm calling bullshit on this thread but nice try 😂

I think you need a chat with your doctor there.
Why do they think you need to wear gloves to change the nappy of your Ken baby?
If baby is immune compromised, what do you need to be particularly careful about? Ask about AGE RELATED advice too.
eg you can’t ensure that all the toys/things a crawling baby puts in their mouth are disinfected for example.

I have to say, I’ve never washed my hands during the night/first thing in the am when going to see my baby. Too tired and sleepy anyway plus there was always some crying ‘I’m hungry’ involved lol.

I'm not convinced either.

What's with a daft gif for something that's 'serious' to you OP?

This whole 'Men - eeewww! We ladies are all spotlessly clean and immaculately fragrant' narrative is very silly.

I am glad that the men in your life don't sit watching TV with their hands down their trousers, so you feel that's what's being said here. It's nothing to do with the relative cleanliness of male/female genitals, and everything to do with how socially acceptable and common it is to play with them in random situations.

I have never sat in a room and had a woman sit and fiddle with their vulva. Had plenty of blokes sit and fiddle with their testicles.

I’m immunocompromised and I regularly touch my husband’s balls without a problem.

😁

Btw @StillTrying10000 if you are a first time mum, with a rainbow baby that has some health issues, I get why you are much more careful than anyone else.

Wanting to keep your baby healthy will always be at the front if your mind.
Thats normal :)
That’s also why you need guidelines, a lot better than wearing gloves to change your baby’s nappy.p (unless THEY are the one who is infectious but I didn’t get that was the case here)

You’re also an adult not a baby that has an immature immune system on the top.

Come on people!
Yes it is over the top. But what do you expect when DOCTORS tell parents that they need gloves to change a nappy??