Husband - is this gross or AIBU?

[StillTrying10000]

Hello, so my husband wakes up in the morning and strokes my baby daughters face and picks up toys to give to her, and then plays with her using them. But all before he has been to the bathroom to wash his hands.
I think it’s gross and ask him to wash but obviously that goes down terribly (eye roll, walks out and leaves me to the baby)
All I can think is he’s been scratching his balls all night, let alone anything else (puke). What do you think? Does he need to make sure he holds higher hygiene standards with the baby or am I being over the top protective? Thanks! xx

How old is your baby? I had a baby in the NICU but I get the worries. But we weren’t this protective. And no, we weren’t wearing gloves to changes diapers once we left intensive care.
What does low immunity mean in this context?

Kind of get it. Depending what he’s been touching all night ….

I think once they start crawling about, are a bit hardier then you’ll relax. Having a sick baby must be very difficult.

@pictoosh I think you might just have missed the piss taking in this post.

YABU. I feel sorry for your husband

Omg. Totally BU

Op, your request is seriously weird. I have never washed my hands just because I woke up. I've never spotted anyone else doing that. It's lucky you checked on here, because thinking your husband is grim for a completely normal thing isn't fair on him.

My OH did something's that I considered a bit grim when baby was small.

Sucking a dropped dummy before handing it back to baby always made my stomach turn. Licking yogurt of the spoon before continuing feeding yogurt to DD. That sort of thing.
Never once did I think they should wash their hands first thing in the morning in case they'd been fingering their arsehole all night.

You don't need to fix my posts. My phone used it's instead of its ,big whoop.

I think it depends how compromised she is and what advice you have been given by healthcare professionals. If you haven't been given any, maybe you could ask.

Germs are everywhere and are actually important to create a stronger immune system. She will be exposed to huge amounts of germs around other children (that's why they get sick so much when they start nursery/ school) so getting a few in now should probably only help her to be a bit stronger. If you keep her surroundings TOO clean out will do her no favours for her contact with the big, wide world. And limiting that contact would be even worse. Has she been ill very frequently since birth?

Doctor should be struck off if he/she told you to wear gloves when changing your baby's nappy.

I've heard some stupid things in my time but that is pathetic.

Your husband has done no wrong. You are at risk of spoiling your marriage by acting so weirdly and being unkind to him.

The only time I’ve ever heard about wearing gloves to change a nappy is after the oral Polio vaccine.

God. Precious first born alert.

You cant live in a sterile environment and the baby needs to come into contact with all sorts of bacteria to build an immunity.

Try to think rationally. Think about all the babies across the world living in all sorts of conditions. Babies need germs.
This sounds like a symptom if exhaustion.

I suffer with eczema on my hands. The gp told me to wear gloves all the time to protect them and I more or less told him that was nuts. You should say the same to yours.
@VinEtFromage why the need to correct @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor ?

Mmmmm....🤔 Surely Doctor would have just told you to wash your hands after a change. How old is your baby?

I feel sorry for your poor husband. I totally can see you helicopter parenting him!

Pitting that she is immune compromised in your OP may have warded off some of the harsher comments. How severe is her condition? Hubbie obviously feels it's safe.

Oh did I? Well that's good. Because you know...frantic hygiene measures are a regular mumsnet feature.

It sounds like you hate your husband actually. This post reeks of contempt for him for some reason.

And you call your child "my baby daughter", is she not his?

In case it's not clear; YABU.

Crying laughing at this comment 😂

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

i didn't type/post its.?!

I typed HER.

daughter, her.

certainly not commenting on it's its as my phone is a proper little 💩 for changing them all!!

I'm just (non caffeinated &) fed up with they/their when it's completely unnecessary.

Even when Ds was critically ill in HDU there was no mention of glove wearing for nappy changes.

when a child is at the putting everything in sight in their mouth stage they will pick up all sorts anyway.

letting yourself become obsessed to such a degree over hand washing is a dangerous path to start on

My baby put a snail in her mouth last week.

Typical baby with no health issues? YABVU

Baby with a compromised immune system? Depends on the medical advice you’ve been given and the severity of the condition.

However, the fact that the immune issue was not mentioned in the OP and your wording (“gross”) makes me think that - for you - this isn’t about your baby’s health condition and just about your views on hygiene, which you would have had regardless of any immune condition. Which suggests that you’re still being unreasonable.

@Dombasle

Doctor should be struck off if he/she told you to wear gloves when changing your baby's nappy.

Why?
I quite agree that it's OTT and I'm very surprised that any doctor would say it, but do you actually know what being "struck off" entails and when it's appropriate?

I think you're being unreasonable, OP. This is also your husband's much loved, rainbow baby and I'm sure he's got their welfare at heart as much as you. He'll be just as worried about them being immunocompromised (I, like PPs, am also curious to know in what way).
And I admit my experience is limited, but how many men scratch their balls that much in bed? And why are balls so much more germ-ridden than, say, inner thighs?