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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving babies for weekends away

93 replies

MumApril1990 · 27/07/2023 12:19

Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd to leave a baby under 12 months with family members, to go on holiday without them? I know loads of people leaving babies as young as 3 months with grandparents to go to weddings and hen dos 2 or 3 nights away. It makes me not want to talk to these friends a I can’t imagine just abandoning my little baby with relatives to go off to party.

OP posts:

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welshweasel · 27/07/2023 12:21

Can't see the problem myself. So long as the baby is with trusted family/friends that the baby knows, why should a parent not be able to go and have some fun?

Equally, no parent should be made to feel bad for declining an invite because they don't want to leave their child.

rubyslippers · 27/07/2023 12:23

Why would you use a word like abandoning? They’re with family

fair enough it’s not something you want to do but others do

Lioney · 27/07/2023 12:23

Not something I ever did.

Not that anyone ever offered to have my dc!

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ReluctantFishLady · 27/07/2023 12:24

Yeah I agree with you. I wouldn't like such a young child to have to miss its parents for too pong unnecessarily but others seem to think its fine. I guess ultimately no harm comes to the child and perhaps other family bonds are strengthened, but its not for me.

There's also seems to be many people dreading school holidays with older kids that seems quite sad to me. I'm enjoying having my son home (so far!) although he is still small and cute, so that's a factor.

ReluctantFishLady · 27/07/2023 12:25

Too long, not too pong 😀

sm40 · 27/07/2023 12:27

I did this, about once with each baby. I am still a person and a partner, not just a parent and allowed to have time to myself/with husband.
The children were fine and had a great time with grandparents.
Due to grandparents being in another part of the uk, I also sent them as unaccompanied minors on a plane (when it was allowed) when they were old enough.
They have both lived to tell the tale, perfectly functional teens, and independent. However other parents don't want to do these things and that's fine too.

Whataretheodds · 27/07/2023 12:27

It makes me not want to talk to these friends a I can’t imagine just abandoning my little baby with relatives to go off to party.

Do you stop talking to lots of people because they live their lives in a way that is not wrong but different from what you can 'imagine'

TheSnailAndTheWaaaail · 27/07/2023 12:29

I honestly don't see the harm in this. I left my first child overnight at 12 weeks with my sister, she was a children's nurse though so probably about the only person I would trust to look after my baby that young!

If not breastfeeding it's a lot easier to leave baby with other people. As long as it's fed and loved I don't think it's awful personally to leave a baby occasionally for a short period of time.

Original poster

MumApril1990 · 27/07/2023 12:30

Perhaps I am overly attached!! And to be fair we don’t have any Grandparent help so I can’t imagine my baby being comfortable with anyone else overnight.

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 27/07/2023 12:31

We did it and the world didn't end

crabette · 27/07/2023 12:32

I honestly think it's good for babies (with close family) to get used to the odd night without parents.

It of course depends on the baby, family situation, and parents.

I try to avoid judgement - but if you're asking for it I'd be more likely to judge you for refusing to leave your baby til it's (arbitrarily?!) 12 months old than I would be parents who had a night away at 3 months leaving their baby with very loving and familiar grandparents.

patterpittercake · 27/07/2023 12:32

I wouldn't do it but I wouldn't judge others if they did.

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 27/07/2023 12:32

Not something I wanted or chose to do. Parenting is a series of decisions that will be judged by others - some people said I was too OTT not leaving mine.
Leave them or don't, noone else's business.

Greenfishy · 27/07/2023 12:33

I know someone who left their baby with their mum at 6 weeks to go on a weekend away with their partner for two nights.
Must admit I judged that a bit.

Nejnej · 27/07/2023 12:35

Just because it's not for you, as long as they're safe and cared for what does it matter?

FWIW, we recently had a night away from our 7 month old whilst at a wedding - he was only away from us for 12 hours or so but it did the world of difference for my mental health, allowed me to be me for a while and not just mummy

Sleepysaurus2 · 27/07/2023 12:35

It doesn’t sit well with me either and I can’t imagine wanting to leave my baby to go on holiday.

However, I do think it’s a bit extreme to not want to talk to your friends over this. You will have many differing opinions with your friends when it comes to your approaches to parenting. Don’t let it ruin friendships!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/07/2023 12:35

Tbh if you judged me so much for what is simply just a different way of doing things, I'd gladly end the friendship.

These babies are being left with loving relatives, or even (gasp!!) the baby's own dad for a couple of nights.

Maybe you need to look at why you are so quick to judge the actions of others when these actions aren't actually bad just different to what you would do

Iwanderedlonelyasagoat · 27/07/2023 12:35

I left my baby overnight with my mum for when they were about 6 months old. Still BF but they would take a bottle. Everything was fine. It has meant that he's been ok to stay with them every now and again since. It was for a child free wedding. I think they knew me might decline the invite and that would be fine too. Everyone is different and I don't think judging other parents like this is particularly helpful. Also, if you have no family help it's potentially difficult to imagine leaving them, but for me my parents provide regular childcare and are essentially another care giver - I would miss my children if I left them for long but actually for them it's completely fine.

Abouttimemum · 27/07/2023 12:36

I leave my son overnight with grandparents so DH and I can do something, and I leave him at home with his perfectly capable dad if I’m on a hen do or whatever.

I wouldn’t go on an actual holiday without him though, like a week in Spain or whatever. Mainly because we don’t get much leave so I’d want to spend it with him as a family.

purpledaisy60 · 27/07/2023 12:36

I don't agree with it until over the age of 2 really, and even then not for more than 1 or 2 nights. My DD is 3 and we just left her with grandparents for 2 nights away for my 30th birthday. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving her for longer until school age when she can really understand what's going on and when we will be back.

VeridicalVagabond · 27/07/2023 12:37

I did it, now have a very happy, healthy, well adjusted and independent teenager. She was not traumatised by three nights at grandmas a few times a year starting when she was a baby. She also has a wonderful bond with her grandma now and spends loads of time with her of her own accord.

You don't have to agree with it but it's super dramatic and ridiculous to stop speaking to someone because they're doing something completely harmless and normal that you don't happen to agree with.

TheHorneSection · 27/07/2023 12:37

I think it’s good for children to have other people they feel safe and comfortable with, if those people are available in their lives. Our DC have been going to my parents overnight since they were babies including grandparents moving in for a week when DC2 was 11mo as we had a wedding abroad. I love that they are close to my parents and find my childhood home a home from home too; now they are older they agitate every school holiday to spend a few nights at their grandparents being spoiled.

Spottypineapple · 27/07/2023 12:38

I wouldn't have - but I wouldn't fall out with anyone who did either ... You sound a bit dramatic

FrenchandSaunders · 27/07/2023 12:40

What age will you leave yours OP?

you’ll get a wide range of answers on here … one memorable poster didn’t spend a night away from her son until he was 18 🤣

Reugny · 27/07/2023 12:40

Perhaps I am overly attached!!

All parents are overtly attached that's why they careful choose which relatives they are leaving their baby with overnight.

And to be fair we don’t have any Grandparent help so I can’t imagine my baby being comfortable with anyone else overnight.

There is your issue.

You don't have any relatives close by to leave your baby with.

Unfortunately due to location I wasn't able to leave my DD with relatives as a baby, but my DP looked after her on his own when I went on a girls weekend. However since she has got older her cousins who are adults have taken her out and some of them would be able to look after her. (Though I'm not that mean.)

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