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Original poster

Leaving babies for weekends away

93 replies

MumApril1990 · 27/07/2023 12:19

Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd to leave a baby under 12 months with family members, to go on holiday without them? I know loads of people leaving babies as young as 3 months with grandparents to go to weddings and hen dos 2 or 3 nights away. It makes me not want to talk to these friends a I can’t imagine just abandoning my little baby with relatives to go off to party.

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FrenchandSaunders · 27/07/2023 12:41

We were lucky enough to have local in laws who loved having ours overnight … this resulted in a very close relationship which my DDs have benefitted from.

it also benefitted our marriage … DDs are grown up now and we aren’t sitting here wondering what to do with all this free time and wondering why we married each other 🤷🏼‍♀️

strongcupofTea · 27/07/2023 12:42

If they're leaving them with trusted family members I don't see the harm.
I've been a mum for 18 years and I've only had one long weekend away without my kids the whole time because we have no family members willing to help.

I think I would have been much happier in my soul if I had of had helpful family members and the opportunity to enjoy my life outside of motherhood.

bagforlifeamnesty · 27/07/2023 12:46

Sleepysaurus2 · 27/07/2023 12:35

It doesn’t sit well with me either and I can’t imagine wanting to leave my baby to go on holiday.

However, I do think it’s a bit extreme to not want to talk to your friends over this. You will have many differing opinions with your friends when it comes to your approaches to parenting. Don’t let it ruin friendships!

Agree with this. I wouldn’t leave young babies overnight, no. But it’s batshit to say you don’t want to talk to people who have done this as if they’ve committed some sort of crime?

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Shoulddomore · 27/07/2023 12:46

I didn't leave mine whilst young (and now don't have the childcare to but would) but I don't see the problem with other couples doing it for the odd night away. But I must admit that there is a certain couple from made in Chelsea, who regularly went for weeks away as a couple from their baby being a few weeks old. I do think that they clearly weren't really ready for a baby and are now trying to somewhat regain their childfree life whilst palming their baby off on others, which is sad.

lightinthebox · 27/07/2023 12:46

I wouldn’t say people are abandoning their children. Having time to yourself doesn’t mean you aren’t attached to your child either, saying you are more attached or love your child more is nasty and judgmental.

Would you say the same if fathers went away for a weekend?

Women are still individuals after they have children, assuming women don’t love their child just because of ‘me time’ is mean.

GingerIsBest · 27/07/2023 12:48

Such ridiculously emotive language. "abandoning" their little babies. Pfft.

And if you judge people who do and decide not to be friends with them as a result, I'd say that's a positive result for your "friends".

For the record, we didn't have anyone who would/could do this but I know a number of people who had very involved grandparents who had the DC from very young. Good on them I say.

35965a · 27/07/2023 12:50

The odd weekend away is hardly the parents abandoning their baby. I did not leave mine overnight until they were at least 3, I just wasn’t happy with it. I don’t think leaving babies overnight with anyone is essential to their development as some here say, equally I wouldn’t judge anyone who does it.

firestarter2023 · 27/07/2023 12:52

Lioney · 27/07/2023 12:23

Not something I ever did.

Not that anyone ever offered to have my dc!

Same lol. Equally I wouldn't have left her. Agree op

cocksstrideintheevening · 27/07/2023 12:57

It makes me not want to talk to these friends a I can’t imagine just abandoning my little baby with relatives to go off to party.

Seriously? Think you need to have a word with yourself.

We took DTs to SILs wedding when they were about ten weeks old. My mum came and picked them up and had them overnight so we could enjoy the evening. I have no issue with it at all.

If you wouldn't want to do that that's fine but not wanting to talk to your friends over their parenting decisions is batshit and you are going to be in for a long haul if you judge like that.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/07/2023 12:59

Choosing not to do something - fine
Judging others for doing it - not fine.

Don't like it? Don't do it.

aSofaNearYou · 27/07/2023 13:02

It makes me not want to talk to these friends a I can’t imagine just abandoning my little baby with relatives to go off to party.

This has made you come across very badly, frankly.

I haven't done it myself for more than a night but they aren't abandoning their child, you sound awfully judgmental.

PeanutButterOnToad · 27/07/2023 13:02

I despise women who judge other women’s choices and try to paint themselves as superior.

Zinfandelfoot · 27/07/2023 13:03

Hm, I thought the same when I had my first child. But tbh I didn’t have any real support. With my second child, he stayed with his grandma for 4 days when he was 2ish months to give me and DP a break, also to spend some much need quality time with my older child. I missed him but I needed it. He will be just over a year old when I go away with my older child and he will stay with his grandma while DP works. She loves taking care of him and he loves spending time with her, she would take him every weekend if she could 😬. Don’t see the harm tbh.

mumonthehill · 27/07/2023 13:03

I certainly never abandoned my dc, i left them with loving GP who so enjoyed looking after them and also loved letting dh and I have a night to ourselves. Both dc stayed with GP throughout their childhoods and have fabulous memories of those times. I trusted my parents and appreciated their support.

harrietm87 · 27/07/2023 13:06

I think your reaction is extreme OP.

Fine if you don’t want to do it yourself but if the baby is with close family members or friends they know well then it’s not likely to be a big issue.

I didn’t do this personally, because I breastfed both of mine and I think the hormones meant that I literally couldn’t even contemplate leaving them until I had stopped bf.

My SIL on the other hand ff her babies and regularly left them with her parents (my PILs) from when they were just weeks old. The kids have an amazing relationship with their grandparents now, much better than mine do.

Parker231 · 27/07/2023 13:07

VeridicalVagabond · 27/07/2023 12:37

I did it, now have a very happy, healthy, well adjusted and independent teenager. She was not traumatised by three nights at grandmas a few times a year starting when she was a baby. She also has a wonderful bond with her grandma now and spends loads of time with her of her own accord.

You don't have to agree with it but it's super dramatic and ridiculous to stop speaking to someone because they're doing something completely harmless and normal that you don't happen to agree with.

We did the same - happy parents = happy babies! The world didn’t come to an end and no one was traumatised!

Mumto32022 · 27/07/2023 13:12

i don’t think it’s very fair to judge. You don’t know what they are going through. Maybe some mums want a night away and a bit of time off? Maybe their mental health or relationship is struggling and that’s exactly what they need?
my daughter has stayed with grandparents over night for maybe one night every 1-2 weeks so I can work since she was 9-10 months old!! Not so I can go out and have a night out. I struggle to fit my shifts in around my partners who also works long hours and nights. You’ll probably judge that too though to be fair.

gallop17 · 27/07/2023 13:16

You sound either jealous and/or insecure to me. Why do you care that much what others do?

supersonicginandtonic · 27/07/2023 13:17

It's not abandoning if they are being well looked after and cared for by family members 🙄
Have you ever considered sone of these mums may need a break or are struggling so need some time to themselves?
What about parents who need to go back to work befire their babies are a year old.
You sound very judgemental, why not parent how you want and let others parent how they want.

jellybe · 27/07/2023 13:18

MumApril1990 · 27/07/2023 12:19

Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd to leave a baby under 12 months with family members, to go on holiday without them? I know loads of people leaving babies as young as 3 months with grandparents to go to weddings and hen dos 2 or 3 nights away. It makes me not want to talk to these friends a I can’t imagine just abandoning my little baby with relatives to go off to party.

With such a judgemental friend I wouldn't want to talk to you either.
If you don't want to do this then don't but don't judge others for the choices they make that has no bearing on you.

Clymene · 27/07/2023 13:19

I wouldn't want to talk to you either so win-win

Upanddownthemerrygoround · 27/07/2023 13:22

I can’t quite understand it but then I wasn’t every faced with the possibility! But once they were a year and less reliant on breast milk I happily had nights away with work.

I did know a couple who took their five week old baby an hour to motorway services to be handed over to grandad (another hour away) so they could have a “night off”.

Grandad had met baby once before, and this sat very very uncomfortably to me. But the couple were dedicated to their date nights and the fact that having a baby wouldn’t change them which it didn’t apart from the divorce a couple of years later.

CurlewKate · 27/07/2023 13:24

Yes, because leaving a baby with a doting, capable family member is "abandoning" them. Don't be silly.

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2023 13:24

I think you should just let these "friends" go they will always dissapoint you !

AuntieJune · 27/07/2023 13:26

But...

You'd be ok for separated parents to both have baby alone overnight?
For parents who live with extended family to leave child with them?
Parents who see extended family every day?
Etc etc

Personally I didn't leave my baby and I think going a whole week is probably too long for a baby, but people can make their own judgments. If it's for the sake of getting rest to help mental health, avoid relationship breakdown etc, why not?