I lost it and hit my child. Please tell me I’m not alone/help me feel better

[alrightbab]

I am feeling terrible. Please don’t make me feel worse 😭

after being wound up something rotten by my eldest child (repeatedly, over many hours), I slapped his bottom. He cried. I cried. It was awful. Lots of hugs and apologising but of course I still feel dreadful. I am masssively sleep deprived with newborn and just lost it.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has done this. I follow a load of gentle parenting people online and can’t help thinking about all those posts where people say that merely shouting at your child negatively impacts their brain development and I’ve done something so much worse.

if you’ve read this far and this also happened to you how did you manage to stop it happening again?

solidarity with anyone else feeling like the worst ever parent

'Most of us have done similar' I certainly haven't! That's fucking awful! You seem so casual about it too!! Disgusting behaviour!

so many people are telling OP it's absolutely fine she may carry on doing it.

@bookworm44 I don't think anyone/many people are saying that. Some are saying it won't kill the child or scar them for life for her to have done it once (which is true.) But I don't think anyone is saying she should carry on doing it routinely.

You cannot turn the clock back and what is done is done. It is all about looking to the future to make sure you are able to stop it happening again.

There is no sense in beating yourself up - your child is not permanently damaged - I assume he lives in a loving home and on one occasion things did not go right.

Sleep deprivation is used as a torture for good reason - it scrambles the brain.

Now that this has happened, and you are aware how badly lack of sleep can affect you, you have the chance to try and think through a strategy for when such a situation arises again. Above all else you have to forgive yourself so that you can move on; humans are not perfect and sometimes things go wrong, so you cannot let this prey on your mind.

Make plans for next time your DS is being a real pain - and of course he will be because he is having to adapt to having a new baby in the house.

I remember hitting one of my dearly loved DDs and feeling distraught. She is a grown adult now and cannot even remember it - we get on really well and she is a well-adjusted loving woman. So, in the fullness of time, all will be well.

Congratulations on your new baby. I hope you have supportive partner and family around you to help.

I don't agree with smacking a child and I've never smacked mine but I do think there should be far more support for parents. My DC (preschooler) refuses to go to sleep or stay in bed. You can remove all privileges, eg cuddly toys, all tv watching rights etc. DC doesn't care - by that time (often gone 10pm) it's all a game. DC who are really stubborn know that ultimately there is nothing parents can do (because there are only so many privileges you can remove). It's enough to drive you round the bend esp when you work full time & still have domestic duties to deal with. I am lucky in that I have family support I can call on but if I had to deal with this alone I'd be really struggling. The family centres in my town have all closed. Where are parents with no family support supposed to go to get help with this kind of problem?

Parenting is hard. But what's harder is going through all that work on myself, berating myself for shouting, walking away when it gets too much, giving them a big hug instead to remind myself how much I love them and having a twat of a husband who just kicks them when they're having a tantrum. "He was being unreasonable". NO FUCKING SHIT MAN!!

I can’t say I feel any better or worse than I did before tbh. Not sure why you think me saying something I find truthful to you would have an impact on my mood.

Okay?

@elenacampana I genuinely hope you are more pleasant in ‘real’ life.

@strongcupofTea

As long as you've never smacked your child who cares right. I've worked in child care and I can bet my house that your child was hit by another child in nursery but you wouldn't have known about it because you were busy at work.

You could be right although I've never been told about it. Still, being hit by another three year old isn't the same as being hit by mummy who is supposed to be the adult in the room is it?

I hope you’re better able to handle people who disagree with you in ‘real life’ as you certainly aren’t very good at it here.

@Groutyonehereagain how was your child 3 years old during lockdown but now a strapping adult man?

Oh dear. Anyway, it’s been lovely passing the time with you. Have a great evening 🙂

Tattybye queen 👋

I’ll definitely take that.

having a twat of a husband who just kicks them when they're having a tantrum. "He was being unreasonable". NO FUCKING SHIT MAN!!

Wow @Switcher - so you've had a thread yourself? Link me please. I'm sure you know this but you need to leave this man who is an extremely violent abuser of your children. I'm sure everyone here would agree. x

I doubt it, but i also doubt they would speak their mind in real life. Always brave from behind a keyboard. You know the type.

This.

Hitting a child is far worse than an adult hitting another adult.

Too many people are minimising it. I'm sure there would be more outrage if she'd confessed to hitting a puppy rather than a small child.

Ignore that. Realised that yours is an adult and the other poster that hit her child in the face has the 3 year old.
So many posters battering their kids on this post that I get confused about who is who 🙃

I’m a right little divil 😈! Got no friends and people cross the street when I go past as I’m just so mean and nasty 😆

Bloody hell.

The amount of ridiculousness on both sides that have no relevance to the poor op.

In answer to your question op, no you aren't alone in losing it with your child and smacking them once. Your child will be fine. You are clearly devastated by this.

You aren't a prolific child beater, nor a believer in smacking as a form of punishment.

Smacking is not acceptable now.

The end.

I do agree that there are now many other badnesses heaped upon children that are far more damaging than the odd smack. But as long as the parents are happy, it's cool.

(Still not saying smacking is ok).

Hi. What support did you access? I also have quick temper and my son is pushing all my boundaries..I want to make sure that I deal with my own issues!

I've never smacked my child and know lots of people who haven't, fyi.

Wow are we now berating mother's for working?? It's totally different another child hitting a child, they are learning and aren't in full control of their behaviour. We as adults are! Surely you can see the skewed logic in that??