I lost it and hit my child. Please tell me I’m not alone/help me feel better

[alrightbab]

I am feeling terrible. Please don’t make me feel worse 😭

after being wound up something rotten by my eldest child (repeatedly, over many hours), I slapped his bottom. He cried. I cried. It was awful. Lots of hugs and apologising but of course I still feel dreadful. I am masssively sleep deprived with newborn and just lost it.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has done this. I follow a load of gentle parenting people online and can’t help thinking about all those posts where people say that merely shouting at your child negatively impacts their brain development and I’ve done something so much worse.

if you’ve read this far and this also happened to you how did you manage to stop it happening again?

solidarity with anyone else feeling like the worst ever parent

@GardeningIdiot

well your username says it all. Nothing more to add here.

@Greenshake

As a survivor of childhood abuse for the first 14 years of my life, and in fact is disabled because of that, I have to say you are 100% comparing apples to oranges.

There is a huge difference between a parent who enjoys/lacks sympathy for their own child’s suffering and repeatedly wakes up everyday and resorts to violence and makes it a part of their every day routine and someone who makes one stupid parenting mistake deeply regrets it and feels a huge amount of remorse and never does it again.

One is certainly not like the other and you are being unfair. I certainly do not agree with hitting of any kind ever because of my childhood. But I will not let it turn me bitter and unforgiving.

OP just sounds like they are under a great deal of stress and they are not themselves. OP needs some help taking the pressure off so they can be their best self again and take care of their child to the best of their abilities.

That is completely awful and absolutely abuse but I don't think lashing out at your child once when you're sleep deprived can be compared to your mother who was clearly an abusive person who hit you repeatedly for years. Your mum did that with purpose and knowingly. Sometimes parents can make mistakes and smack in a very unusual circumstance. I remember when my boy had me in a head lock by my hair at the airport and he wouldn't let go. My mum tried to get him off me but the more she tried the more he ripped my hair away from my scalp. I had to slap him to shock him to get him off me. I told my health visitor who had to report me to social services. They phoned me and I explained what happend. They said because of the exceptional circumstances, they were not going to take it any further and understood my predicament. Sometimes situations arise which makes you do things you never thought you would or could. However your mum sounds like a cruel person and people who use smacking every day for control is abusive. There is a huge difference between this poster and your mum.

Exactly this!
Stop focusing on yourself, there is no excuse for hitting a child and should the child report this to a teacher/carer the police and social services will be notified. People who are saying this isn't a big deal really need to look at themselves and their parenting

It really is a big deal, I fear for your children

@GardeningIdiot The self-righteous scream judgments against others to hide the noise of skeletons dancing in their own closets.

My God talk about over sensitive

She already knows how bad it was she doesn't need you to sit there on your high horse judging her! Seriously all humans make mistakes.....even you!

I realize I’m posting late in this thread. I appreciate the way you wrote your post. It is not judgmental.. which is helpful and I think an appropriate approach to the situation. A lot of these responses are quite shocking to me using the words “assault” and that she should be “utterly ashamed” while talking about how great of parents they were. Being a mom is difficult, but all of our situations are different. It is BEST for the mom to not dwell on what she did so she can focus on fixing how she responds in the future. For her child! I’m sure there are many parents that are good parents that have had a similar situation and could use advice, but too scared to reach out due to fear of judgement-and I see why with some of these comments. No one is a perfect parent-and there are worse things (at least in my opinion) to a child’s well-being than a smack on the tush just one time. One example- being on the phone all of the time in their presence.

However, I agree this scenario is one that could be used to reflect on and use as a learning lesson. Making a mother feel bad about a one-time mistake and causing her to shut down mentally is not helpful for her or her child…the fact that she feels guilt and asking for help shows strength and a desire to change. It is better than the alternative, so I’m surprised at some of the other comments. They really don’t seem to understand that support and guidance are both better for mother and child in the long run.