Page 6 | Should my kid still pay rent if they are on holiday

Claire2437 · 2023-07-07T03:05:13+00:00

My daughter is currently at university and working part-time some months she earns a good wage on top of her student loan and some months she doesnt, when she started university she wasn't working so we agreed she would give us £100 a month. Because her wage changes so much we've never changed this. Her boyfriends family live in another town from us and she is about to go stay with them for a month while she is off uni. My husband and I cant decide if we should still charge her the £100 while she is away. In some ways it feels unfair if she is not here but my husbands reasoning is its teaching her real life that if we went away for a month we couldn't phone our mortgage company and not pay them just because we wont be there. Sorry for such a long post just looking for some advice on this. Thanks

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Spacecowboys · 09/07/2023 13:29

Samlewis96 · 08/07/2023 22:41

I don't get this. My son moved into a student village for uni. But it's saving me more money him not being at home!! He doesn't cost me anything while there

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I think other posters have already responded to this, it’s probably better for you financially if your son gets the maximum maintenance loan. I think the majority of students don’t get this and parents are expected to heavily subsidise living costs. I know for us it is going to be expensive when the time comes.

Maddy70 · 09/07/2023 13:32

Why are you charging her anything while she's at uni? I find that utterly bizzare

singJoanna · 09/07/2023 13:45

I wouldn't charge while she's not there if you can afford not to. Hopefully if she can see you're really struggling financially she will still offer. At that age my son was on a apprenticeship and wage and instead of charging rent we said he had start paying for his own phone contact and his own clothing ect.

Madrid67 · 09/07/2023 13:55

Personally I wouldn't charge her anything. I have never charged my adult children anything and at various times they have lived at home. They both now have mortgages and really didn't need a lesson to understand that you have to pay your mortgage/rent /bills etc when you have your own home.
I know some people do charge their working adult children board 2and that is their prerogative but I'm very surprised you charged her when she was at university but not working. The loan students receive assumes that parents are also supporting their children as how much they get is based on the student's parents income.
I definitely wouldn't charge her when she is not even staying in your house.

Manthide · 09/07/2023 19:55

My ds (20) is at university away from home, as he has to pay rent for his house there I charge him £30 a week when he's home and working. I don't ask anything in the smaller holidays if he's not working but he tries to do some work even then as he knows it's a struggle as I'm on benefits. I wouldn't obviously charge him anything if he wasn't here and if he was staying elsewhere for a month he would probably be contributing there.

Manthide · 09/07/2023 20:00

JenWillsiam · 08/07/2023 16:22

That’s coming from a place of economic privilege. I’m also sure that there will be cost to parents. Student loans don’t cover fees.

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3 of my dc have been/ or are at university and the loan covers the fees. There is no way I could contribute!

sandyhappypeople · 09/07/2023 20:02

Not while she’s not there I wouldn’t, surely that money covers her portion of the food shopping, her electricity use, etc, so if she’s not there charging her for it just seems kinda petty to me.

wouldn’t it save you £100 her not being there anyway?

Manthide · 09/07/2023 20:04

Branster · 07/07/2023 06:44

It's not clear if she lives at home whilst studying or if she rents near her university.

If she was in student accommodation, rent is payable every month, regardless of holidays or not using the property and it costs an awful lot more than £100/month.

Assuming she's living at home whilst studying, that in itself saves on student accommodation rent. Presumably that's one of the reason she'd be living at home: to save on student rent.

If she's capable of working p/t and studying for a degree, I don't see why she'd need to learn the value of paying you £100/month. She should already know about budgeting and earnings.

As a general comment (not for you OP as you don't appear to have this idea, it is your DH who thinks this way): I don't understand parents who claim their children need to learn these life lessons once they turn 18. If they don't know how basic life works by 18, what does that say about parenting? Surely you raise your child, teach them life lessons as they grow and you have to trust they will manage it.
They should be aware of household financial situation and volunteer to contribute what they can afford if money really is a problem for the family.

Or the idea I keep seeing on MN, that, somehow, at that stage, they can no longer afford to support their children living in the same house. Might as well swap the 16 and over child for a paying lodger.

You do realise that I don't get any child benefit for ds or a child tax allowence now he's at university. It is a struggle when it's just me, dh and dd never mind a ds with a very healthy appetite who enjoys clean clothes and regular showers!

Honeychickpea · 09/07/2023 20:15

Manthide · 09/07/2023 20:04

You do realise that I don't get any child benefit for ds or a child tax allowence now he's at university. It is a struggle when it's just me, dh and dd never mind a ds with a very healthy appetite who enjoys clean clothes and regular showers!

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No, most mumsnet.com poster really don't get it. They think everyone lives in their middle class bubble.

UsingChangeofName · 09/07/2023 21:36

but I'm very surprised you charged her when she was at university but not working. The loan students receive assumes that parents are also supporting their children as how much they get is based on the student's parents income.

So you do realise there are people who get the full maintenance loan due to the fact their parents income is minimal ? That the purpose of that maintenance loan is to pay their living costs ? That is is reduced if you stay at home as it is assumed you are not paying a commercial rent, but it is there for the student to be able to contribute to the bills at home. that is literally the point of it.
Do you realise that many families budgets don't have the leeway to let adults live in their home for free, once Child benefit and child maintenance stops, and benefits are reduced ?

SkankingWombat · 10/07/2023 08:10

Flossflower · 09/07/2023 13:14

@Samlewis96
The kids from wealthier families end up with less debt

Not just the ones from wealthier families, but also families who realise the value of education and have saved for their children to go to university. These parents have gone without other things while saving and in doing so have taught, by example, their children valuable economic lessons. These families realise that if their children have to work while studying they will not do as well.

This is pretty rude. I would class anyone who can afford to save for DC's Uni costs on top of their usual bills, mortgage, basic rainy day fund, and pension 'wealthy' TBH. Most people don't even have enough in savings to pay to have their boiler replaced outright if needed, let alone ££££s to cover topping up another adult's living costs. Plenty of parents realise the value of education, and it's why they spend hours of their time helping with homework, listening to reading, and visiting museums.

Flossflower · 10/07/2023 13:05

SkankingWombat · 10/07/2023 08:10

This is pretty rude. I would class anyone who can afford to save for DC's Uni costs on top of their usual bills, mortgage, basic rainy day fund, and pension 'wealthy' TBH. Most people don't even have enough in savings to pay to have their boiler replaced outright if needed, let alone ££££s to cover topping up another adult's living costs. Plenty of parents realise the value of education, and it's why they spend hours of their time helping with homework, listening to reading, and visiting museums.

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OK I do understand that. However, there are an awful lot of people on MN who have 3 or more children. We could never have afforded that. There are also a lot of people who retire before their set retirement date. There are also a lot of people who take more than 1 holiday a year or who regularly get take aways. This money could be saved for their children’s education and the subsequent generations will benefit.

UsingChangeofName · 10/07/2023 20:54

@Flossflower there are also people who understand that education also includes far more than just the subject you study at university.

I am rather glad that my young adults haven't been waited on hand and foot, and don't have any sort of expectancy that other people will sacrifice their lives for them.
My dc had part time jobs both in 6th form and when at University and in the holidays between University terms. The decisions they make about spending, when they are doing the earning have been very valuable economic lessons.
They have also learned about managing their time, and about looking after their health by finding the right balance of time for different things. They have learned lots of soft skills around dealing with the public, around dealing with colleagues etc .
The older two have good degrees and now good jobs (youngest still at University). All of them are well balanced young people with good friends and with interests outside of work. I certainly don't think parents doing all that you list benefits families at all.

Flossflower · 10/07/2023 22:26

UsingChangeofName · 10/07/2023 20:54

@Flossflower there are also people who understand that education also includes far more than just the subject you study at university.

I am rather glad that my young adults haven't been waited on hand and foot, and don't have any sort of expectancy that other people will sacrifice their lives for them.
My dc had part time jobs both in 6th form and when at University and in the holidays between University terms. The decisions they make about spending, when they are doing the earning have been very valuable economic lessons.
They have also learned about managing their time, and about looking after their health by finding the right balance of time for different things. They have learned lots of soft skills around dealing with the public, around dealing with colleagues etc .
The older two have good degrees and now good jobs (youngest still at University). All of them are well balanced young people with good friends and with interests outside of work. I certainly don't think parents doing all that you list benefits families at all.

Yes I do agree that education includes far more than you study. However my children have good degrees from top universities without having to pay back student loans. In the case of one of my children, it would not have been possible for them to have a job in term time. My children are excellent at managing their money.
Back to the original post: I am truly amazed that some people don’t budget for supporting their kids after 18.

UsingChangeofName · 10/07/2023 22:58

Back to the original post: I am truly amazed that some people don’t budget for supporting their kids after 18.

Which goes back to the privileged small bubble you must live in.
How can you not be aware that everyone else doesn't have that same privilege ?

KnitMePurlMe · 10/07/2023 23:02

OP, you have every right to charge your adult child board. Cannot believe some of the posts on here 😳

shivawn · 11/07/2023 07:52

Ponderingwindow · 07/07/2023 04:40

I wouldn’t charge rent to a child attending university. It’s my job to subsidize them financially through a first degree.

As long as they are a full-time student and taking studies seriously, I would provide as much financial assistance as possible.

I agree completely.

A lot of posters getting very emotive and defensive on behalf of the OP are projecting I suspect. She hasn't mentioned anything in her OP about struggling or needing the money to pay bills. She hasn't come back to defend her reasons either. The impression I get from her OP is that charging her daughter to live at home during her university years is about teaching a real life lesson or whatever.

Starseeking · 11/07/2023 08:05

Yes, because presumably their belongings are still in the house.

If they're clearing out the room, and not wanting to return then no they shouldn't.

Pemba · 11/07/2023 10:09

This is their family home though, not an HMO with the landlord wanting to squeeze as much profit as possible from every room!

LolaSmiles · 11/07/2023 10:18

The impression I get from her OP is that charging her daughter to live at home during her university years is about teaching a real life lesson or whatever.
That's the impression I got too.

If my DC get to 18/19 and I feel the need to take money off them that I don't need to teach them about financial responsibility then DH and I have gone wrong somewhere as parents.

Shortstufflady · 12/07/2023 07:07

It’s not middle classed to support your child through uni! I am a single working class mum who earns less than £20,000 a year. No benefits. I supported both my sons through uni. If they are putting all their efforts into full time study, why would I expect them to pay rent, especially if they are not here.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 12/07/2023 21:21

I wouldn’t charge if she is gone for the month. Let her use that to contribute to the costs of where she is staying instead.

Should my kid still pay rent if they are on holiday

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