Should my kid still pay rent if they are on holiday

[Claire2437]

My daughter is currently at university and working part-time some months she earns a good wage on top of her student loan and some months she doesnt, when she started university she wasn't working so we agreed she would give us £100 a month. Because her wage changes so much we've never changed this. Her boyfriends family live in another town from us and she is about to go stay with them for a month while she is off uni. My husband and I cant decide if we should still charge her the £100 while she is away. In some ways it feels unfair if she is not here but my husbands reasoning is its teaching her real life that if we went away for a month we couldn't phone our mortgage company and not pay them just because we wont be there.
Sorry for such a long post just looking for some advice on this.
Thanks

so the student is using her loan to pay her parents?

what would you do if she moved out completely op?

I didn’t charge my lodger when she was away.

why dont you charge her half op?

I tend to think of that £100 as a contribution to the bills, rather than rent.

Many bills - but not all - go down when you are away because you use less water, gas, electricity etc.

For that reason, I think I'd charge her £50 to recognise that she is using less but not everything stops.

But that's just my opinion, of course.

@pilates
You do realise asking adult D.C. for keep is a necessity for many and also good for your D.C. to accept responsibility. Not everyone is financially comfortable.

That's really helpful...

OP can you afford to not charge her? Has she mentioned it?

If you would have had a lodger in, or downsized if she wasn't there, then yes, as she is having a room set aside for her to move back into. If not, no as she is not using food or heating etc.

It's not clear if she lives at home whilst studying or if she rents near her university.

If she was in student accommodation, rent is payable every month, regardless of holidays or not using the property and it costs an awful lot more than £100/month.

Assuming she's living at home whilst studying, that in itself saves on student accommodation rent. Presumably that's one of the reason she'd be living at home: to save on student rent.

If she's capable of working p/t and studying for a degree, I don't see why she'd need to learn the value of paying you £100/month. She should already know about budgeting and earnings.

As a general comment (not for you OP as you don't appear to have this idea, it is your DH who thinks this way): I don't understand parents who claim their children need to learn these life lessons once they turn 18. If they don't know how basic life works by 18, what does that say about parenting? Surely you raise your child, teach them life lessons as they grow and you have to trust they will manage it.
They should be aware of household financial situation and volunteer to contribute what they can afford if money really is a problem for the family.

Or the idea I keep seeing on MN, that, somehow, at that stage, they can no longer afford to support their children living in the same house. Might as well swap the 16 and over child for a paying lodger.

Not sure I could charge my child money to live in their own home. My parents supported me as much as they could through Uni I also worked Thursday evenings and most Saturdays. I did live out of home. But often spent time with family nearby (Aunty) and they never charged me anything. I’d be grateful for a home cooked meal and often I’d cook at their place in return or help with my little cousins. But no one took money from me.

No you can’t charge her!

I think £100 is more of a contribution to utilities than reflective of rent so I don't think you should charge while she's away. Presumably you haven't moved to a property especially for her to go to university so the cost to you is no different than when she moves out and you're not a landlord with an empty room losing money.

I wouldn't

She's not there so I wouldn't charge her.

No issue with people asking for some board money/a contribution when they're staying if that's what's needed for their household, but dressing it up as a life lesson doesn't wash with me. Charging them when they're not there on the grounds of "but if you were renting privately..." seems mean spirited.

Living at home during uni will already be saving you a fortune as you’re not having to subsidise rent and living costs. So personally I’d see that as a massive win and wouldn’t have been charging her anything in the first place.

When I was 16 I got a part time job I made £180 a month unless I did extra hours and I paid £100 a month rent. When I came home from uni I got another job and was making more money and so it became £250 a month even if I was away with friends. I also had to contribute to a quarter of the shipping bill too even though I barely ate at home. My parents made good money and didn't need it but they wanted to teach me responsibility and how to manage money. I was constantly broke 🤣 that first job left me with £20 a month to spend because the rest I had to pay for my monthly ticket to get to college/work on the bus 🤣

This. Poor girl

I couldn’t charge at all when she is working as well as studying. In her third year she might want to drop her work hours a little so she can concentrate on studying, but you are taking some of her wages.

We charge a small amount for son who is apprentice, but actually are saving it for him he just doesn’t know that.

I definitely would not charge her rent as she is your daughter, and is going to school still.

We are a really low income family - disability benefits, tax credits etc - dd is 20 and in her second year of university and get the full loan / grants and bursary and we don’t charge her anything at all when she’s home 😳😳 we pay for her phone, contact lenses and give her £10 a week towards travel. I can’t imagine charging rent when a dependent is still at university!

Yep same. I know loads of people are shocked that people charge their kids rent but teres a big difference between need and doing it on principle or something.

This. My child is at university (and has a part time job) and we are paying for all her rent! Definitely wouldn't charge her when she isn't even there! 😯

My father also charged me when I was at uni, when i was already paying £££s for my student rent. I was rarely home. The most I was, was over summer where I bought my own food, had paid for my own phone from a young teen. I appreciate not all, but a lot of her friends will be being sent financial support whilst her own parents are taking from her. That stings. I totally understand a lot of families cannot support students but thats not what this is about. I am no contact with my dad now (not because of charging the rent) but just one of the many straws that broke the camels back. When I left uni, I moved out as soon as I could. My dad would always say 'I could rent that room out if I didn't keep it', only I left home 9 years ago and he still hasn't (nor would he ever). Noone would have paid either. He lived dirty.
It's not about the middle class or not being able to afford to support children through university. It's about not taking rent when your child isn't at home. What is she actually costing you, op? Nothing if she isnt there! Taking money from your daughter who isn't living there will cause huge resentment.
Im also assuming your husband isnt her dad.
Your daughter will understand real life if she's paying rent to live elsewhere for uni. Even if she's at home, she's done well enough to be completing a degree, I'm sure she understands real life to some extent. I particularly like you saying we only charge 100 when she was unemployed... how generous.

I'm all for charging a fair rent once my kids have left education but never while they are still studying. I'm assuming I'll be paying DS's rent for him when he goes off to Uni next year.

If you are charging as a matter of principle to teach her how the real world works then I would be saving it for them ( my mum saved all my rent money from when I stated work at 18 until I was 26 and used it to pay for my wedding )

Is this a reverse? If it's genuine then yabu to charge her at all if she's a student